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More On Controlling Behavior

23 Sivan 5773 – May 31, 2013
Control may be the most destructive force influencing a marriage. Let me illustrate this point with the following story. About two years ago a woman named Bracha, 47, came to speak to me about her husband’s controlling behavior. This is how she described her precarious situation:

When Should We Go For Marriage Counseling?

4 Kislev 5771 – November 11, 2010
Dear Rabbi Schonbuch, My husband and I are having trouble in our marriage. We tend to fight about the same issues every day and he's very emotionally distant. At what point should I consider seeing a marriage therapist?

Moshe Drops Out of School

20 Tishri 5771 – September 28, 2010
A few years ago, a couple, Sarah and Joseph, came to see me about their son Moshe, sixteen, who was experiencing extreme difficulty in school. Moshe did not have any serious learning problems. In fact, he was exceptionally bright and capable of succeeding in school. His problem was that he was frequently missing class. Recently he had started leaving school and spending time in an unknown location. Moshe's parents were naturally concerned for his future.

Teens Who Give Up Their Religion

12 Tammuz 5770 – June 23, 2010
Let's look at an example of how mentoring improved the life of a teenager who had given up observing Jewish tradition.

Moti’s Street Clothes

28 Iyyar 5770 – May 12, 2010
I once received a call from a forty-seven year old distraught mother whose seventeen-year-old son Moti had changed his style of dress, wearing jeans and refusing to wear a hat. She explained that he had gone through a difficult time in school and was now hanging around the house instead of studying in yeshiva. He was also mixed up with the wrong crowd and was associating with at-risk teenagers late at night on the street. She was very concerned as she had an older son who had gone "off the path" and was worried that Moti was going in the same direction. She believed that Moti could be helped if he would be willing to talk with someone.

Toby’s Secret Dating

19 Nisan 5770 – April 2, 2010
Ruth had just recently discovered (from another parent) that Toby had been secretly dating a boy for over a year. When she confronted Toby about her boyfriend, Toby had adamantly refused to admit that she was secretly seeing anyone. Ruth was extremely distraught to realize that her daughter would do something against her wishes and asked if I could help.

Debbie’s Body Piercing

5 Nisan 5770 – March 19, 2010
Referring back to our earlier case of Debbie’s body piercing, let’s see how using knowledge of Debbie’s inner world and the power of spending quality time together can help her parents connect to her.

Part 27 – Refocusing Your Perspective On Your In-laws

25 Av 5769 – August 14, 2009
The number one factor in resolving problems of acceptance by in-laws is your spouse’s support. As with all close relationships, it’s an art to support your spouse without jumping into the fight or feeding his or her discontent.

Part 21 – Therapy For Marriage And Parenting Issues

12 Tammuz 5769 – July 3, 2009
There are some marital issues that are too sensitive for a couple to handle alone. These issues might include mistrust; lack of marital satisfaction; conflict involving in-laws, friends, siblings, and children; verbal abuse; and so on. When dealing with such problems, the best course is to ask a professional outside party for advice and opinions.

Towards A Better Marriage – Part 1

13 Tishri 5768 – September 25, 2007
Moderating Control

Pre-Marriage Education: The S.H.A.L.O.M. Workshop

28 Elul 5767 – September 11, 2007
This column usually focuses on the issue of teens at risk and finding ways families can become closer to their children. This week, I turn my attention to one of the most important stages before parenthood: the critical period when couples are engaged.

Intimacy in a Jewish Marriage

26 Iyyar 5773 – May 5, 2013
Sexual dysfunction can take various forms for both men and women. If those statistics are right, it is a much bigger problem that I ever thought.

Pleasure vs. Happiness In Marriage

6 Tishri 5773 – September 21, 2012
If you would like to know if your marriage is relationship centered or not, the way to find out is to ask yourself about your core values. For example, what is the most important principle of your marriage? Is it your desire for money or pleasure? Do you dream about being comfortable, being honored by your spouse and having a lot of fun?

Rabbi Reveals ‘Relationship Theory,’ his Secret to a Happy Marriage

21 Elul 5772 – September 7, 2012
The good news is that I believe that most marriages can work. Often, all they need is a little guidance and direction, and when necessary, a bit of first aid. I call this simple yet revolutionary idea Relationship Theory, which states that for a marriage to work, both husband and wife need to make their relationship their main goal.

The Secret To A Happy Marriage

Are you looking for emotional first aid for your marriage? If you are, you’re not alone. Today, engaged couples, newlyweds and couples who have been married for years are feeling insecure about their relationships and looking for advice on how to make their marriages work better or simply to heal their relationship wounds.

The Art Of Good Communication

7 Tevet 5772 – January 2, 2012
Whenever I speak at a shul or event I’m usually asked what I think are the vital aspects of good communication, and by implication, what makes for bad communication.

How Does Marriage Counseling Help?

20 Kislev 5772 – December 15, 2011
If you are in a difficult marriage and are considering seeking help, you're probably wondering: what would the counselor make us do during the session? Would my counselor know the appropriate technique to use for our specific case? Is our counselor's style suited to our problem?

Recession And Domestic Violence

20 Heshvan 5772 – November 16, 2011
The country's economic indicators may be falling, but incidents of domestic violence are rising.

When Should A Couple Go For Marriage Therapy?

15 Tishri 5772 – October 12, 2011
Q: My husband and I are having trouble in our marriage. We tend to fight about the same issues every day and he’s so emotionally distant. At what point should I consider seeing a marriage therapist?

Responding To Smoking, Rude Behavior, Drug And Alcohol Abuse

10 Nisan 5771 – April 13, 2011
Scenario: your teenager starts smoking and you detect it by smelling it on his or her breath or by finding packs of cigarettes in his or her bedroom. Possible inner issues: control, self-esteem, lack of relationships.

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