web analytics
July 30, 2015 / 14 Av, 5775
At a Glance
Blogs
Sponsored Post


The Ache in the Heart

Over time, the incredible connection that began when they were within you stretches.
F121025DG05

Photo Credit: Dudu Greenspan/Flash90

I wrote once, long ago, of how having a son in the army changed your relationship and part of being a parent is accepting that relationship and going with the flow of it. One of the things I noticed early on was that I was more aware of the ache inside me when my sons were not home. When you first have a child, you are still connected to them in many ways. You feel, sometimes before they even let you know, that they are hungry or they need you.

Over time, the incredible connection that began when they were within you stretches. At first, you are with them almost 24 hours a day; slowly it becomes less intense. They learn to crawl, to walk, to run. They go to school and friends and you become two human beings – there’s a connection, of course, but you don’t feel them as deeply as you did before.

Hours can go where you concentrate on other people and other things. It was a shock to me, initially, to find that after Elie went into the army, a part of my heart and brain remained engaged with his well being. What I mean is, it was like a dull nerve always being pressed. I was constantly aware that he was out of reach, out of contact.

Though there were times he was in more danger than others, that feeling of connection, of worry, never went away unless he was at home. Only then did I feel that I could turn my phone off over the weekend, sleep deeply etc.

When Shmulik left the army, I thought that I had finally earned a full night’s sleep; peace in the heart and mind and soul. When Elie went into the Reserves, here and there, the connection didn’t come back and I thought maybe I’d moved past it, come to terms with this army thing.

When Shmulik married last year and Elie married this year, I accepted that my relationship with my sons has changed. Each has a wife that needs to take priority in their attention. Sure, I’m still their mother, but it’s a background position.

Moments after Elie left last night, I knew that he hadn’t really left. I feel that ache deep inside, that feeling that he’s missing and I can’t be complete without him home – even knowing that that home isn’t really mine anymore. His home is his apartment with Lauren and she’s missing him and worried and going through so much and more of what I feel.

At one point, half joking, and half not, I said to Amira, “I don’t want to do this again. It wasn’t fun the first time.” I think we both laughed but the truth is that I don’t want to do this. I don’t want him to go to war. I don’t want him there. I just don’t want it.

And the second truth is that this is going to happen. I finally spoke to Elie hours after Shabbat had ended. I was so grateful for the call. I had expected to hear about him from Lauren (and he called her hours ago and she was wonderful and called me right away). It was so nice of him to call me too – I’d needed it more than he’ll ever know.

He’s still on a base, waiting to be moved south; still preparing. The Israeli Air Force has done a tremendous job of laying the foundations of the ground invasion that is likely to come. No nation can withstand hundreds of rockets being fired at its cities. Hamas chose this battle and Elie and so many others from this neighborhood and throughout Israel are preparing, at this very moment, to respond to that call to battle.

It will not be easy. It will not be short but maybe this time the leaders of Israel will realize that we have no choice but to finish what was started 4 years ago.

Visit A Soldier’s Mother.

About the Author: Visit Paula Stern's blog, A Soldier's Mother.

The author's opinion does not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Jewish Press.

If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “The Ache in the Heart”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry. July 29, 2015.
Bibi on Iran Deal: ‘We Aren’t Partners at the Table, We Are a Meal on the Menu’ [VIDEO]
Latest Blogs Stories
Free-Jonathan-Pollard-Poster1

The US doesn’t want Pollard & he doesn’t want America- release him with 1 condition: No return to US

Doug Goldstein

Meet Republican US presidential candidate Kerry Bowers & listen to his message to the Israeli public

palestinian children songs

Amongst the Palestinians (sic) what is promoted and praised for its young people? Terror & martyrdom

Peres' 90th Birthday

“If you can’t negotiate with your enemy, why negotiate at all?” Great sound bite. The press loved it

The phenomenon pushing limits of Orthodoxy to the extreme left has no chance of becoming mainstream

Discussing, what should you do if you are feeling overstressed in your job and are tempted to quit?

Considering Esther Pollard’s group mismanaged his case, Pollard’s chances of parole are slim

Detention Camps for US Jews? Sounds farfetched but it did to Japanese-Americans during WW II as well

We asked the soldiers, what will you tell your children you did during the Disengagement?

The Arab terrorist murderer who murdered Malachi Rosenfeld,(HY”D)last month, was an American citizen

The “Stop Iran” rally was a voice of sanity coming from the American people, and directed at Senator Chuck Schumer who holds the keys…

Shalit Deal advocates: “Israel must do whatever it takes” to free Gilad; This proved deadly nonsense

Learn how modern technology can be used to foster personal development in life as well as in finance

Dear CNN: When hypocrisy rules a media outlet, its mandate to call what they do “journalism” expires

With it seems more lives than a cat, I now recognize Hasgacha Pratis is HaShem’s involvement in life

There needs to be clarity about what is & isn’t acceptable in Orthodoxy; That should be the debate.

More Articles from Paula R. Stern
The CNN Center in Atlanta.

Dear CNN: When hypocrisy rules a media outlet, its mandate to call what they do “journalism” expires

A Soldier's Mother

Dear Muslims, Happy Ramadan. It’s clear from the news that your people are having a “bang-up” month

If your nation does wrong, isn’t it your responsibility to accept responsibility to counter evil?

The story likely to be reported will assign all the blame to Israel and none to the Palestinians.

Sadna’s programs for young people with special needs helps them become more than believed possible

To friends in America: Wishing someone “Happy Memorial Day” means you don’t understand the holiday.

For the record, the grand total of Jewish grandmothers in Israel that have blown up ANYTHING: ZERO!

A minute and a half? What if the kids are upstairs with earphones on and they don’t hear the siren?

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/blogs/a-soldiers-mother/the-ache-in-the-heart/2012/11/18/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: