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November 27, 2015 / 15 Kislev, 5776
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With Clarity Comes Propaganda

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So, the latest evidence suggests Palestinians from Gaza entered an Egyptian army base, murdered 13 border crossing guards, stole two vehicles and attempted to ram them across the border with Israel. Alert Israeli soldiers stopped the vehicles while Israeli helicopters in the air disabled one of the vehicles, killing all aboard. Thirteen Egyptians were killed, in addition to at least 3 terrorists. No Israeli casualties. Hamas has ordered all tunnels between Egypt and Gaza closed and tensions are mounting as Egyptian air force jets are patrolling the border, searching for those responsible.

Okay, so that’s the evidence and information we have so far. According to the Israeli government, the quick actions of Israel’s soldiers prevented a greater tragedy from happening.

According to those who support the Palestinians cause…well, they’re stuck. They have to lie because they can’t possibly work with the truth. So, here’s how it goes, according to the twisted logic of the other side.

You see, what happened was….um…wait…okay, I’ve got it…yeah – so, Israelis sneaked across the border and attacked and murdered the Egyptians. Then, um…to cover their actions, they stole two armored vehicles…and rammed it across the Israeli border.

Oh, the dead Palestinian terrorists inside the vehicle? Let me think…okay, okay – remember Aladdin’s lamp? Well, a vicious Israeli found it and used one of his three wishes to magically transport three to eight Palestinians…innocent, Palestinians, of course…from their dilapidated, poverty-stricken homes where because of the Israelis they were forced to beat their wives every other week, into the belly of the vehicle just seconds before it was exploded by the alert…um…no, by the very lucky Israeli soldiers…um…who knew about the vehicle because…oh, yes, because the vicious Israeli used another of Aladdin’s wishes to alert them.

There, that’ll work. I wonder if I could get CNN or BBC to run this important and accurate news item. Oh wait, I forgot to use the word “staged.”

And now, a note from our less informed tweets:

Staged attack? Seriously, you can’t make this up…

Well, actually, I was right. Story confirmed not just by “my” brainwashing media, but by others, including the Egyptians themselves.

Oh, okay, I guess that clinches it – it must have been a staged Israeli attack hoping to …hoping to…um…and what would we gain by attacking ourselves? Guess I’ll have to wait for part 2 of the great Palestinian propaganda machine to finish spinning this one out.

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