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AN IDEA WHOSE TIME HAS COME

Palestinians, Progressives, Peace Now, Must Unite to Ban Chanukah

“It wasn’t the Greeks whom the Israelis conquered. They were Palestine refugees from Syria."

Greek Kefiyah

Photo Credit: YYanover

Spokesman for the new Palestine State at the United Nations announced that they are presenting a motion before the Security Council condemning Israel over the celebration of Chanukah.

The holiday, which Jews around the world have been celebrating for 3000 years, commemorates Israel’s victory over the Greeks who had conquered the Land of Israel and outlawed the Jews from observing the commandments of the Torah.

At a press conference explaining the motion, Abass Babass, the spokesman for the new, non-member, Palestine State said, “It’s time the Chanukah myth be exploded. It wasn’t the Greeks whom the Israelis conquered. They were Palestine refugees from Syria, the original settlers of Palestine. After the invading Israelis perpetrated mass genocide on our people, and exiled the survivors to Syria, we returned and re-conquered our land in a heroic struggle. We lived there in peace until the Israeli revolt, when they stormed our eternal capital, Jerusalem, and set up their menorah on the mosque on the Temple Mount. Now, to redress this great wrong and historical lie, we are calling on the international community to condemn Israel for its aggression against the Palestinian people, an aggression that continues to this day, and which Chanukah has come to symbolize in our eyes.”

While the United States has not yet taken a stand on the motion, all other member nations are supporting the condemnation, with the exception of Greece which maintains that they were indeed the conquerors of Israel, and not the Palestinians who, they claim, didn’t exist at the time.

The Peace Now Movement in Israel has also declared their support for the proposed Palestine motion, calling the celebration of Chanukah immoral in championing the Maccabees, “a band of radical religious zealots and rightist settlers who, in waging a ‘Tag Machir’ price-tag war against the Palestinians, were the forefathers of Moetzet Yesha and Gush Emunim.”

Also lending their support to the Palestinian cause is an alliance of Reform Jews from America called the “Progressive Pluralist Platform,” which advocates a “do-your-own-thing style of Judaism.” The director of the organization, Rabbi Patty Christianstein, calls Chanukah a “celebration of fascism.” Waving the flag of Palestine outside the UN, she stated: “Chanukah is not the innocent lighting of candles and spinning of dreidels that many Americans think. Judah the Macabee was the crazed leader of a vicious cult that murdered anyone who didn’t believe in the Divinity of the Torah. The main fight of the Macabees was against the enlightened Jewish Hellenists, who cherished Greek-Palestinian culture. Chanukah is a holiday of hate and intolerance that must be abolished so that the true values of Judaism can shine forth.”

In response, the ruling Likud Party’s Moshe Feiglin issued a curse statement reading: “The Jewish People have celebrated Chanukah for 3000 years, and we will continue to celebrate it as the joyous holiday of freedom which celebrates Jewish sovereignty over the Temple Mount and all of Eretz Yisrael.”

In light of the controversy, the Jewish spokesman for the President of the United States has announced that in consideration for the Palestinian people, the President is weighing the cancellation of this year’s traditional menorah-lighting festivities at the White House.

The Orthodox community in America couldn’t be reached.

About the Author: Tzvi Fishman was awarded the Israel Ministry of Education Prize for Creativity and Jewish Culture for his novel "Tevye in the Promised Land." For the past several years, he has written a popular and controversial blog at Arutz 7. A wide selection of his books are available at Amazon. The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author and do not represent the views of The Jewish Press


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Tzvi Fishman, author of the Jewish Press blog Felafel on Rye and author of more than a dozen books.
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