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September 26, 2016 / 23 Elul, 5776
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The Real Reason They’re Digging Up Arafat (Satire)

Why are they really digging up ole' Yasser? There are only four possibilities.
Arafat Coffin

Photo Credit: Yori Yanover

The news reports about why they are digging up Yasser Arafat are all lies! Read the below and you will learn the real reason the murderer is being exhumed today.

Last June a Swiss lab ran radioisotope tests on his the deceased mass murderer.

The Lab found “very small” quantities of polonium, an isotope that is naturally present in the environment. The quantities were higher than one would normally find in the environment, especially in Arafat’s underwear and hospital clothing ( I am not making this part up).

Suha Arafat, the despot’s widow and former “kissin cousin” of Hilary Clinton, called for an autopsy in the wake of the lab’s findings. She did not explain why she waited nearly eight years to have the belongings tested, nor did she explain why she doesn’t just release the report of the French doctors who treated him during his final days.

The fact is the polonium on Arafat’s “tighty whiteys” is an elaborate hoax. Polonium has a half-life of 138 days, which means every four-and-a-half months (give or take a day or two) only half of the radioactive substance would remains. The amount found on Arafat’s gown and boxers, eight years after his death translates to levels that would have infected his doctors and wife during his last days. In other words the polonium was added more recently than eight years ago.

The months before he died news reports showed Arafat looking frail and sickly. The rumors at the time ranged from Colitis to Cancer. His immediate cause of death was a massive brain hemorrhage according to the French doctors. After his death the rumors were that he died of AIDS.  We don’t know because Suha Arafat and the Palestinian Government have suppressed the actual medical reports.

Now if they reached into the gates of hell to dig up Arafat a month ago I might have thought they were doing it so he could vote for president, most probably in Chicago. But they are digging him up now

Which means the question still remains, why are they really digging up ole’ Yasser? There are only  four possibilities left:

  1. Its a set up—the Swiss lab will find that the dead terrorist was poisoned with polonium, and ignore the fact that the half-life of the substance makes it impossible.
  2. Ringo Starr is making a movie and wants to use the corpse as a stunt double.
  3. The cash poor Palestinian Authority is going to use Arafat’s body and make a movie, like “Weekend at Bernie’s.” That movie made over $30 million in 1989. Abbas believes a madcap romp with the always fun mass-murderer will make a blooming fortune in the Arab world. None of that money would be traceable, so the PA leadership would be able to steal all they want without any consequences. Just like they do now with foreign aid.
  4. Comedian Jeff Dunham is growing tired of Achmed. The PA intends to sell the body to Dunham and he will turn it into an new character: Yasser the Dead Terrorist.

Which ever way the Palestinian Authority goes, I can guarantee you one thing, lies will be told about Israel and the mainstream media will reprint them as if they were of divine origin.

Originally published at Yid With Lid.

Jeff Dunetz

About the Author: Jeff Dunetz blogs at Yid with Lid

The author's opinion does not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Jewish Press.

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