web analytics
December 22, 2014 / 30 Kislev, 5775
 
At a Glance
Blogs
Sponsored Post
8000 meals Celebrate Eight Days of Chanukah – With 8,000 Free Meals Daily to Israel’s Poor

Join Meir Panim’s campaign to “light up” Chanukah for families in need.



Debunking the ‘Age Gap Theory’…Again

How manipulating shadchanim and even offering financial "incentives" to marry men off to older women is ethically sound or halachically permissible has yet to be explained.
woman-on-bike-man-helping

Guest Post by Rabbi Chananya Weissman

Rabbi Chananya Weissman is the founder of End the Madness. Here is their mission statement:

EndTheMadness.org is an ambitious and unique effort to combat the angst and hardships associated with dating in the religious Jewish community.

My recent post on Shiduchim elicited a huge response. It seems to have really touched a nerve. The premise of that post was that the ‘age gap’ issue is not the primary cause of the so called Shiddach crisis. Rabbi Weissman has submitted the following contribution to that discussion:   I have written extensively in years past about the absurd yet popular notion in the Orthodox world that the problem in the shidduch world is demographic in nature. Many people have been brought to believe that there is simply a shortage of eligible men and that this problem can somehow be resolved by conniving to marry these men off to the oldest eligible women.

How this would cause men to multiply has never been explained. If you have an island with 50 women and 40 men, and the men marry the 40 oldest women, there will still be 10 women without a male counterpart. Even if every so often 10 more men and 10 more women join the island, you will never catch up. Proponents of this idea are simply “borrowing” from the pool of available men with plans to “pay back” with a hoped-for future supply of men. In other words, this is a Ponzi scheme. How have those been working out?

How manipulating shadchanim and even offering financial “incentives” to marry men off to older women is ethically sound or halachically permissible has also yet to be explained. A shadchan’s responsibility is to suggest the most suitable match to her clients, irrespective of presumed demographic issues in the community. That is not and should not be her concern. If two people are best suited for one another but are more than a few years apart, it is the shadchan’s moral responsibility to introduce them over other candidates who are closer in age. To intentionally deny clients the most suitable available match is morally corrupt.

But the best part is that the very premises of this age gap theory have been proven over and over again to be false, as I will once again demonstrate. This is something our eyes and ears tell us — contrary to the wild claims of age gap theorists, we simply do not see many married couples with a huge difference in age between them, nor do we see seminary girls going out with 40-year old men. It’s just not reality.

Thankfully, we don’t need to rely on anecdotal evidence, powerful though it is. Every year in honor of Tu B’av the Jerusalem Institute for Israel Studies (www.jiis.org) puts out hardcore statistics on marriage in Israel. These statistics demonstrate in no uncertain terms that every premise of the age gap theory is false, and that proponents of this theory are disconnected from reality.

As reported in the Jerusalem Post, the percentage of single men age 20+ in Jerusalem for the year 2010 was 27%, versus 20% for women. For the age range of 30-34, 24% of men were single, versus 20% for women. In other words, if there is any crisis at all in terms of demographics, people should be wringing their hands over the plight of single MEN. Based on the numbers, women are having an easier time.

Furthermore, and this is a direct quote from the Jerusalem Post article on July 19: “The average age difference between a Jewish bride and groom was 2.1 years, in comparison to five years in other religions.”

In other words, not only is there no widespread phenomenon of men marrying women significantly younger, in the Jewish world there is a far lesser incidence of this than elsewhere.

To summarize:

1) The age gap theory is based on premises that are proven false by actual marriage statistics. 2) The age gap theorists insist there is a problem that does not exist. 3) The age gap theorists insist on a solution to the problem that is merely a Ponzi scheme, which is foolish and cannot succeed. 4) The age gap theorists promote immoral and halachically indefensible behavior from shadchanim to push matches based on trivial considerations, which will only perpetuate and exacerbate existing problems

So why in the world do so many people gobble up this theory like some God-given truth? I believe it is because the fabrication of a demographic problem is far more comfortable for people than the call to look in the mirror and change one’s values. Our community is always looking for a scapegoat: television, the Internet, secular values, those “other” Jews. The problem is never us, it is always someone else. The age gap theory draws attention away from the real problems (the community itself and its corrupt ways), and therefore it is readily accepted.

EndTheMadness pulls no punches. We give the straight truth about what is wrong and real solutions for how to fix it. There is no gentle way to tell people their values and behaviors are way off. But until more people accept that we have no one to blame for our problems but ourselves, things will only continue to get worse.

The age gap theory is garbage. Stop giving it credibility, throw it in the trash where it belongs, and get to work on the real issues. It won’t be easy or fun like playing with demographics, but it is the only way. Let’s not waste another day.

Visit Emes Ve-Emunah .

About the Author: Harry Maryles runs the blog "Emes Ve-Emunah" which focuses on current events and issues that effect the Jewish world in general and Orthodoxy in particular. It discuses Hashkafa and news events of the day - from a Centrist perspctive and a philosphy of Torah U'Mada. He can be reached at hmaryles@yahoo.com.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

One Response to “Debunking the ‘Age Gap Theory’…Again”

  1. Ch Hoffman says:

    Most every society reaches some imbalance or excess of women over men in the mating pool. It's solved may different ways by different societies.

    Some just wind up with a significant excess of women over men, and procreation among women is not limited to marriage.

    Some wind up with a high incidence of women who'll never procreate; a real demographic curse;.

    Some, like Jews from Muslim lands until they emigrated to Israel or to Western democracies – and the Muslim residents of those lands up until today, believe that romantic and procreative love can exist as well in a polygamous relationship.

    And then there's the religious Jewish community which would like to recreate the world of mathematics so that 7=8 whenever reality is inconvenient.

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Binyamin and Chaya Maryles, uncle and aunt of Emes Ve-Emunah author Harry Maryles.
Current Top Story
Haredi men cast their votes for the 19th Knesset in Bnei Brak, January 22 2013.
New Poll: Shows Netanyahu Will Lead Next Gov’t with Haredim
Latest Blogs Stories
Sabraman

Sabraman: Israel’s first superhero, combining the courage of the Sabra and the faith of Abraham.

Mir

Is Haredi open-ended learning on charity better than earning a living that would obviate that?

chanuka

Hanuka is the miracle of emunah- belief in the L-rd of Israel and the light of our faith.

Lehava head led away in handcuffs

Limiting Jewish success and revival is that the anti-Jewish, anti-History Left rules here in Israel

The crisis in Jewish education is of existential importance. How should it be resolved?

BBC GUIDELINES ON TERRORISM: The word “terrorist” itself can be a barrier rather than an aid…

Discussion with entrepreneur William Heinecke on how he became a young, successful businessman

Did Cuba apologize for their spies the way Israel apologized for Pollard?

Nothing binds Jews together more than Torah observance; Or so one would think.

Sukkah tinsel decorations enjoy a robust market but are invariably manufactured for “another”holiday

A number of Israeli papers regurgitated a biased AP article on settlement growth, but they should have read it more carefully before hitting publish.

Many of the battles of the Maccabees were right here in the Shiloh area.

Both Labor and Likud are expected to get more seats in the upcoming elections.

Get a straight answer from Edward de Bono to the question: What is lateral thinking?

Jewish communities worldwide commemorate Yehudit during Chanukah by eating dairy foods in her honor

Israel’s problem isn’t Indyk, Obama, UN, NGOs or even the media; Our problem is much closer to home.

More Articles from Harry Maryles
Mir

Is Haredi open-ended learning on charity better than earning a living that would obviate that?

Young Ultra Orthodox kids sit in a classroom in a school in the neighborhood of Neve Yaakov in Jerusalem

The crisis in Jewish education is of existential importance. How should it be resolved?

Nothing binds Jews together more than Torah observance; Or so one would think.

When Rabbi Shafran, Chief Spokesman for Agudah talks about his own battle with heresy, that’s news.

The shelf life of parliamentary government is about 2 years, hardly enough time to get anything done

Obviously, the better part of caution is to report credible reports of abuse directly to the police.

{Originally posted on author’s website, Emes Ve-Emunah} It seems so simple to me. So Logical. It makes so much sense. And yet it seems that logic is thrown out the window when it comes to the ways in which Charedi leaders in Israel view it. The ‘it’ I’m talking about is economically integrating itself productively […]

The Chilul HaShem of religious Jews-long beards&wearing religious garb-acting like inner-city thugs

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/blogs/haemtza/debunking-the-age-gap-theory-again/2013/07/24/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: