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Tibbi’s Roundup: The Rebbe and the Dog

Oketz is the IDF elite canine unit, trained to operate in every combat contingency.

Oketz is the IDF elite canine unit, trained to operate in every combat contingency.
Photo Credit: Topaz Luk, IDF Spokesperson's Unit

One of the questions posed to PM Netanyahu and his new coalition bride Shaul Mofaz by one of those pesky Israeli TV reporters was: Only a short while ago, Mofaz called Bibi a liar. Now the two of you are headed into a long-term marriage (a year and a half is eternity in Israeli politics). What’s the deal, then, is Bibi still a liar? Is he no longer a liar?

Surprisingly, both men were totally ready for the taunt, and both pulled out their obviously rehearsed answers which, I believe were, more or less: “Blah blah before, then blah yada yada and then, you know, like that.”

But the question is still a question. It reminded me of the story about the lion who sent the fox to find his daughter a husband. The fox went to the bear and couldn’t find a shidduch there. he went to the wolf – no shidduch. So he stood in the middle of the road, seriously worried, what is he going to tell the lion?

A dog passed by and saw the fox looking so worried, so he asked what’s his problem.

The fox told him everything and the dog said: “Whay didn’t you come to me? I have a lovely boy, at just the right age, ready to go.

The fox wagged his tail nervously and answered, “Listen, the father of the bride is our master, the Rebbe Reb Aryeh Leib Lion, I was looking to get him the son of Reb Dov Bear, or Reb Ze’ev Wolf. But it looks to me that you—please don’t be offended—you look like dog…”

So the dog wagged his own tail and said, “And you’re supposed to be the smartest of all the beasts? I say you haven’t been keeping up with social progress. It used to be, the Rebbe was the most important person. Now any politician can rise up and become important. And it so happens that a politician can often be a dog…”

SMACK ME SILLY AND PASS THE PICKLES, WE GOT US A UNITY GOVERNMENT

JoeSettler and Jameel combine their analytic resources to divine who got what out of the new Israeli coalition government of 94 (Ninety Four) MKs and who knows, 45 ministers and deputies? Such a small country, so many chauffeured limousines…

Winners and Losers: Israel’s Historic Unity Government Avigdor Lieberman: Loser. Lieberman will keep his job, avoid elections, and get the opportunity to try to pass more laws he wants. But on the downside, the investigation(s) against him will now continue, and his influence has been severely diminished. We’ll see if he can make a comeback out of this.

Moshe Feiglin: Loser (Netanyahu election shenanigans aside) Moshe would have done well in elections. It remains to be seen if Likud MKs will still have as much influence in the unity government, because right now his influence is through them. On the other hand, there’s a slight chance he may be entering the Knesset as a new MK to replace someone else who might be leaving. In which case, he will become a winner. JoeSettler and Jameel, The Muqata

HIGH SPEED ASIFAH-NET

Jacob Gluck (Planned Citi Field Anti-Internet Conference Fraught with Internecine Rivalry) mentions a fact I had not been aware of:

The campaign is a costly one – $850,000 just to rent the Citi Field stadium. Tacking on the cost of promotion and logistics it is estimated to cost nearly 2 million dollars. The principal donor on behalf of the Hasidic sector can be found in Mr. Hershel Schreiber, the owner of the famous photographic retailer in Manhattan, B&H.

This is grand! A fortune that was made almost exclusively because and through the Internet, is now being spent to try and curb the evil influence of the Internet. Boggles the mind.

Gluck thinks it makes no difference what the subject matter is, you just can’t get Haredi Jews to agree on anything:

By now, however, some serious structural problems with this whole campaign are emerging, chief among which is the virtual impossibility of uniting a substantial portion of the deeply fractious haredi sector under a single banner. No matter how hard the organizers tried and continue to try to steer clear of petty rivalry among the hundreds of different subsects that comprise Ultra-orthodoxy, by satisfying some groups others will automatically feel snubbed and thus boycott the conference. Jacob Gluck, HasidicNews.com

Harry Maryles writes that he feels “compelled to point out an article in Hamodia that demonstrates quite clearly a major difference between Haredim and other Orthodox Jews. The subject is the internet. And it is Rav Matisyahu Salomon who seems to be leading the charge. Below is a composite of Rav Salomon’s point vs. Harry’s. Go read the who;e thing, it’s as good as usual.

Rav Matisyahu Salomon Speaks I would like to correct one thing that seems to be an impression by the public. It’s not an asifah just to be matir the internet with the use of filters. That is not the purpose of the asifah. The purpose of the asifah is for people to realize how terrible the internet is and, of course, the best thing for every ehrliche Yid is to not allow it in his home at all.

I don’t know if Rav Salomon even realizes the positive value the internet has. Or perhaps he does – but refuses to publicly acknowledge it for fearing that even the slightest approval may undermine his message. Either way it is a truth denied. Harry Maryles, Emes Ve-Eminah

IF I WANTED TO LEARN FROM HISTORY I’DA BOUGHT ME A BOOK

A Jewish lady was making enormous personal sacrifices to… preserve slavery in America. OK, it doesn’t stand the test of time. Call it quirky news, then. The funny thing is how the blog is relating this item with a totally straight delivery.

A Texan Heroine Rosanna Dyer Osterman (1809-1866) risked her life to act as a courier to the Confederate Army, after the city of Galveston, Texas, was occupied by the Union Army. From Osterman’s perspective, the Union Army were the occupiers. When she learned that the Union knew of the Confederates’ early January attack plan, she managed to get word to the Confederates so that they could attack early and retake the city. Jewish Treats

It’s so hard to be the world’s most evil terrorist. Eventually it gets to you. Imagine going to the office cave every morning, evil scheming until lunch, then scheming more evil well into the night, then going to the home cave for a cup of coffee and virgins. But just then, the secure cellphone rings – it’s your insurance guy. Does it ever end? Well, yes, one year ago.

Bin Laden from Beyond the Grave Titled “Letters from Abbottabad,” the CTC’s report provides a unique glimpse into the inner workings of al-Qaeda following 9/11. According to the report, “the most compelling story” gleaned from the documents is bin Laden’s “frustration with regional jihadi groups and his seeming inability to exercise control over their actions and public statements”. The documents show that “al-Qaeda Central” under bin Laden struggled to control the organization’s growing number of affiliates. The terrorist leader was “burdened” by those affiliates’ incompetence when it came to winning public support and planning operations that often resulted in the deaths of innocent Muslim bystanders. Bin Laden urged such groups to focus on attacking the U.S. – “our desired goal” – as opposed to Arab governments or forces. Samara Greenberg, The Jewsih Policy Center

MAKE MINE A SINGLE

Just when you thought you’ve read absolutely everything about frummies yearning to date, you run into a funny piece that let’s you know the game is still on. And your team is losing.

Jewish Matchmaking 101 We need to build a bridge between the 2 sexes. You could say that men are from MasterCard and women are from Visa, and Amex and Sears. They are so completely different. One wears a hat and…oh yes, they both wear hats. But it is the woman who knows how to accessorize her black hats with something other than a tallis bag. That’s where professional Jewish matchmakers enter the picture. Newton, Funny and Jewish

This next one is not a Jewish entry, necessarily, but it certainly livens the discussion…

Parallel Dating: A phenomenon! In Parallel Dating, people send multiple signals to different people, chat with the interested parties (simultaneously), meet them for coffee or drinks (often more than one in a day), and then compile a “table” of good and bad points applicable to each “candidate”. A “decent” dater will choose one and discard the rest (as harsh as it sounds), focusing on the new relationship. A typical parallel dater will, however, play two or more “candidates” simultaneously until caught out, where the cycle begins again. The Real Harry Potter, News 24

SWEET FROM ALL OVER

I’ve been waiting for this blog to re-ignite, and today there was a whole bunch of entries there, go visit.

The Third-Generation Dentist Once or twice a year I travel 3000 miles to visit my family and my dentist, Dr. M.

Dr. M is a third-generation dentist who operates out of the same residential office his father and grandfather kept.

It remains furnished as it was in 1920 and in 1970 and with every magazine Dr. M ever received and with flourishing houseplants.
A Jew in the Rain

About the Author: Tibbi Singer is a veteran contributor to publications such as Israel Shelanu and the US supplement of Yedioth, and Jewish Business News.


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