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{Originally posted to the PreOccupied Territory website}

Jerusalem, July 4 – Palestinians attending the prayers at Al Aqsa Mosque today voiced bewilderment at traditional US Independence Day festivities featuring fireworks, noting that none of the American fireworks displays they had seen involved pointing the pyrotechnic devices at other humans.

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Numerous worshipers at the contested holy site hesitated before commenting on the American July 4 fireworks tradition, confused by the evident lack of intent to harm others in the celebration. “You mean they do it just for the noise and the light?” wondered Batl Rahqet, 19, of nearby Abu Dis. “They must be reading the instructions wrong. Fireworks are supposed to be pointed at occupiers and colonialists. Isn’t that what the Americans used to fight off the British?”

“We must not be getting the whole picture here,” insisted Dahlia Emayti, 18, who dedicates much of her time outside the mosque to screaming and hurling objects at visiting Jews. “I suppose it might be nice to have a celebratory display using the stuff, kind of out of curiosity for the different forms, but isn’t that kind of quaint? I’m sure the footage we’re seeing is just when they go off by accident or something. The standard use of fireworks is as a weapon.”

When informed that the typical use of fireworks in July 4 celebrations involves significant precautions to prevent others from coming to harm, Al Aqsa attendees reacted with disdain. “That’s just not what they’re for,” declared Ali Hummr, 20, with evident disgust. “It’s like saying a house of worship is supposed to be a place of serenity and communion with the Creator – we all know the primary purpose of such a place is to stockpile rocks and weapons to use against Jews too mindful of so-called ‘ethics’ to violate that space. There is just so much those Americans don’t know about the world.”

Hummr and Rahqet went into the mosque itself to inspect the packaging and instructions for the devices, and emerged several minutes later. “I admit I’m stunned,” said Raquet. “It actually says the opposite of what I thought – the safety warnings specifically tell you not to point it where it might hit somebody. It makes no exceptions even if the somebody is an Israeli policeman reacting to rock-throwing.”

“This can only mean one thing,” concluded Hummr. “The instructions and safety warnings were altered by the Zionists to trick us into thinking these aren’t weapons.”

“The next thing they’ll tell us,” added Emayti, “is that Plymouth Rock isn’t for throwing at those filthy-footed Jews.”

 

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