America’s Leaders Send Their Condolences

From the Confederate States of California’s Prime Minister Perez Hilton (Holo-Link), to King Lamar Alexander II of the Constitutional Monarchy of Tennessee, and all across the nation, America’s leaders sent their condolences on the death of the last President of the United States.

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Even the combatants in New York’s Twenty Year Civil War interrupted their fighting, as New York City President Al Sharpton and Arch-Duke Molinaro sent their condolences.

In Arizona, Obama’s former political rival, the 102 year former Senator, John McCain, sent his own condolences. Once considered too old compared to Barack Obama, McCain noted that he had in fact outlived him, while also passing along the wishes of his now 126 year old mother. As well as his daughter Meghan McCain, off in space as the First Woman on Mars (Holo-Link).

From the United States of Alaska, to the Democratic People’s Republic of Minnesota, from the bloody trench warfare of Westchester  to the farthest South American outposts of the Empire of Texas, the messages of sympathy came as tribute to the passing of the man who had made their fractured existence possible.

Remembering Obama

All across the land formerly known as America, millions are choosing to remember Obama in their own way.

From the vigils held in front of the Apollo Theater, where the musical, “Barack Superstar” has been running for almost three decades straight, even under artillery fire from Englewood during the Tri-State War, to the ceremonial million dollar burnings in the Republic of New Hampshire, where crowds burn the infamous “million dollar bills” with Obama’s portrait on them that were issued during the 2017 devaluation which made ten thousand dollars equivalent to a single Euro, no one can ignore the death of America’s last President.

CFN, the Celebrity Funeral Network, is reported to have won the bidding rights to the Obama funeral, and plans are underway to hold a three day funeral, to be broadcast from the spot where Chicago once stood. And corporate sponsors have already lined up to cover ad buys for the flowers, vehicles for the funeral train and logos for the coffin itself.

After the ceremonies, the speakers, the guest musical performers and the services by an Imam, African Liberationist Minister and Reform Rabbi, Obama’s funeral plane is expected to fly low over every major American city still standing, inciting riots, mass panic and all the chaos and destruction necessary for a proper sendoff to the man who destroyed America.

A Complicated Legacy

Like the best of con artists, Obama had a way of reflecting people’s expectations back at them. Despite living one of the most public lives of his generation, through millions of interviews, his own talk show and even a sex tape, no one could really claim to know him.

Survived only by one racist white granddaughter, Ariana Michaela Stover, a member of the New Klu Klux Klan, his real legacy remains the political and economic chaos that he so cheerfully spawned.

To his contemporaries, Obama became a symbol of hubris, a byword for the arrogance of a generation that valued style over substance, and allowed radical politics to outshout basic common sense.

To a generation that has grown up after the fall of the United States, Obama is part of a baffling archeology of symbols and figures that have no value except for entertainment purposes. (Holo-Link)

It may be that there was no real Obama, only a man who served as a metaphor for a culture that had lost touch with its own identity, embracing change for the sake of novelty and becoming incapable of paying attention to anything that was not entertaining enough.

Obama was a symptom of America’s collapse, rather than its cause.

This has been another fine holo-cast from CNN Celebrity Network News. Stay with us for more coverage of celebrities. Their lives, their deaths, their weddings and their funerals. And remember our 1000th viewer today wins a special prize. So stay with us. Because you don’t want to miss a thing.

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