The Lid’s Exclusive *’Unhinged’ Predictions For 2018

{Originally posted to the author’s website, The Lid}

Along with staying up late and getting drunk, New Year’s is the time for political pundits to make their predictions for the coming year. However 2017 has been a strange year for the political talking heads—some might say the way they’ve made up charges about the president, and question his motivations and even his sanity, those talking heads have been a bit unhinged. In keeping with the new accepted style of fake news-Journalism, they 2018 predictions below are a bit unhinged, but not any more unhinged than the MSM  news we’ve seen over the past year.

News Stories You Will Read NEXT Year:

 

• Cuban Leader Raul Castro retires and is replaced by Barack Obama

 

 

• Former President Barack Obama condemns the continuing protests in Iran saying they are being incited by uninformed right-wingers in the U.S. trying to kill his nuke deal.

 

• Hillary Clinton will finally admit to participation the Uranium One sale 20% of the US uranium reserves to Russia.  The former Sec. of State claims she was trying to help out Russian diabetics, telling reporters “They told me that Yellowcake had no sugar.”

 

• Wearing his glasses on the tip of his nose finally causes Senate Minority leader Chuck Schumer to go cross-eyed.

 

 

• An eight-year-old Israeli boy living on a Kibbutz in Israel sneezes. The UN General Assembly meets to condemn Israel for giving the Palestinians flu germs.

 

• Filmmaker Michael Moore is accused of sexually harassing a McDonald’s employee. He’s cleared after explaining when he told the lady behind the counter he couldn’t live without her buns, he meant her hamburger buns. When leaving the restaurant, Moore gets stuck between the golden arches, but thankfully is saved when he is lured out with a Twinkie.

 

 

• Judge Roy Moore and Hillary Clinton Combine forces to create “The Election ain’t over PAC”

 

• Congressman Adam Schiff will have a nervous breakdown. He will be found wandering around DC in his underwear muttering “Trump guilty, don’t care if there’s no evidence…he’s guilty anyway”

 

• Nancy Pelosi’s collagen injection goes array, her lips swell to the size of a Volkswagen Beatle causing her to defy gravity and float over the Capitol Building screaming “Surrender Dorothy!

 

• New York State Governor Andrew Cuomo resigns saying, “I’ve taxed everything possible and banned guns, therefore there’s nothing else for me to do.”

 

• CNN’s Coverage of New Year’s Eve is ruined when that white box truck stalking its newscasts blocks the channel’s view of the Times Square ball dropping at midnight.

 

• In a major scoop, anonymous sources tell the NY Times that during the 2016 campaign Trump’s paperboy told the Good Humor man that people on the Trump team drank Black Russians before the election which spurred the FBI to begin its Russian collusion investigation.

 

• Hillary Clinton writes a new book called, “It Takes a Fake Russian Scandal.” Her husband, former president Bubba Clinton also writes a new book. His book is called “Kama Sutra in the Oval Office, Fun, And Cigars For The Discerning Commander-In-Chief”

 

• The Democratic Socialists of America expels NY Mayor Bill DeBlasio claiming he is too liberal for them.

 

• A Washington Post anonymous source calls the NY Times anonymous source a big fat liar. The paper’s source claims a Girl Scout selling cookies heard about the Russian collusion when she was delivering three boxes of Thin Mints, seven boxes of Shortbread/Trefoils, and two boxes of Tagalongs to the Trump campaign office. She blackmailed the FBI by making them buy one thousand boxes of cookies before she would give them the collision information.

 

• Former NJ Governor Chris Christie takes a new job as a George Washington Bridge toll-taker. He gets fired from the job for refusing to stay in his toll booth.

 

• CNN claims that both the NY Times and the Washington Post anonymous sources are lying.  But they’ve come up with their own anonymous sources who claim that Donald Trump was born in Russia.

 

• Al Franken is accused of sexually harassing a fellow actor, the teddy bear from the movie “Ted”

 

Now you may read these future headlines and claim they are ridiculous. Some may even go as far to call it fake news. But when compared to some of the mainstream media headlines about President Trump..do they really seem that fake?