I Remember When,Arnold Fine

When I was a kid, I could never imagine what the folks would talk about after they put us to sleep.

I'll never forget when we got company and the folks put us to bed, they would sit for hours with their company in the kitchen, talking.

So I always wondered, what in the world could they be talking about?

We, as kids figured when we talked to our friends we would either talk about the baseball players or the movie stars. That was it. But the folks were never interested in baseball players or even movie stars.

In fact, when they went to a movie on Dish Night and they came home, we would ask them, 'So what did you see last night in the movies?'

Both Mama and Papa would look at us with a blank expression and say, 'Vere vais ? who knows? It was a good movie and we got a soup plate.'

So now that I'm a Senior Citizen I know what the old timers sat and talked about all night long.

For example, we had a call from some friends the other night and the conversation started this way. 'So what medicine did your doctor prescribe for you? Could you get it through your HMO or do you have to get ah generic or do you have to pay full price for the real stuff?'

In shul last shabbos I overheard two old timers having a discussion at the Kiddish.

'How come your doctor gave you the such-and-such medication? All our friends take the generic medication, you know. It's a lot cheaper.'

The older old timer sighed, 'Listen Chiam, I take so many pills today that when I walk down the stairs I actually rattle.'

The other fellow sighed, 'You know something, if some bright young chemist came up with a pill to combine all the medications we have to take, he could probably make a million dollars.'

The first fellow, Chaim, sighed, 'I have macular degeneration so my opthamologist prescribed for me something brand new. He's very young so he knows the latest drugs. He prescribed Ocuvite.'

The second fellow questioned, 'So vus is Ocuvite? I heard about this someplace, maybe on TV?'

Chaim, shrugged his shoulders and sighed, 'What is it? Ich vais nit, only I have to take two pills in the morning and two in the evening, then in the middle of the day I have to take something what they call Lutein.'

'Lutein? Vus is dos Lutien?' (what is this Lutein?) the other fellow asked. <

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'Ich vais nit ouchet. (I also don't know.) But my doctor said I should take it. I have to take two pills with breakfast and two with supper. But for lunch I have to take another Lutein. But I told my doctor, the prune juice I take every morning ? that prune juice has a big sign on its label that says, 'Now we contain Lutein!'

The other old timer smiled, 'Lutein? The aspirin I take also has Lutein. So I asked my doctor, 'Do I have to take the Lutein pills even though I'm getting it from my prune juice? So he says, almost like he's mad on me, 'Take it! Take it!' He says it will prevent further damage. So I take it. So I laugh to myself, I can't see out of one eye all together, and our prayers I know by heart, so what's the big m'itzeeh' (deal).

Another old timer chimed in, 'The trouble with my opthamologist, is he is not part of my HMO plan so I have to pay him the full price for an examination. So you may ask, why do I go to him? Because my wife likes him! She says he's a nice Jewish boy. He tells her jokes. Hasn't got a hair on his head, but she says he's a nice Jewish boy.'

Another old timer joined in, 'Listen, I know who you're talking about. He's a nice enough fellow, but at such prices you could die from this. I asked my doctor, 'How come you don't charge me half of what my wife has to pay, after all, I have only one good eye and there is nothing that can be done for that.' And he tells me, 'Rabinowitz, I have to work twice as hard on that one good eye.'

So when I get together with a few of the other old timers in shul, right away the stories these old timers begin to trade with each other is just delicious.

One old timer laughed, 'We used to start a conversation with, 'So what's new? Now it starts with, 'Are you taking any new medications?'

And another old timer chimes in, 'Does it do you any good?'

And the usual answer is, 'Ehh, nothing with nothing, gornit mit gornit.'

'So why do you keep taking it?' I asked him.

Another old timer sighed, 'Listen, I figure the druggist has to make a living also.'

Another old timer joined our conversation last week as he munched on a piece of pickled herring.

'You know my doctor said I shouldn't eat pickled herring and my wife won't buy it for me. So when we have a Bar Mitzvah, in shul, they always have pickled herring. Takeh, what's a Bar Mitzvah without pickled herring? I love the onions. I've been having it for years and nothing with nothing. My wife doesn't even know, so whatever you do don't put my name down, if you are going to write about this conversation. If you do I'll have to hide her eye glasses.'

Another darling old timer chimed in with a broad grin on his face. 'My doctor said I shouldn't drink any alcoholic drinks. But to make ah kiddish on shabbos, I'm sure G-d wouldn't say a word. Listen, why would we have to make a brocher over wine, if it could hurt us? And also pickled herring with the onions. If it wasn't healthy how come we have so many doctors in our congregation, and they join us in everything? But you know something, I just discovered the doctors who don't come to shul are the ones who say you shouldn't drink wine or eat pickled herring. You know something, they don't know what they're missing. Pills, pills, that's all they know. Listen at my age I'm living dangerously.'

He took a deep breath and continued, 'Last week I heard my friend's doctor passed away ? just like that. In one second, he passed away! So what kind of doctor was he? He's the one who told my friend not to drink wine or eat the pickled herring.'

The two other old timers sighed, 'So how old was he?'

The second fellow replied, 'I think maybe 45 or 55, ich vais?'

The two other old timers picked up a glass of wine, said the brocher, and toasted the doctor who had passed away. One of the old timers said, 'You know in the years to come they may discover that a little wine and a little piece of pickled herring may be good for you. See!'

He raised his hand with a second glass of wine and shouted, 'To Life!'

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