web analytics
September 22, 2014 / 27 Elul, 5774
At a Glance
InDepth
Sponsored Post
Meir Panim with Soldiers 5774 Roundup: Year of Relief and Service for Israel’s Needy

Meir Panim implements programs that serve Israel’s neediest populations with respect and dignity. Meir Panim also coordinated care packages for families in the South during the Gaza War.



Rabbi Shmuley Boteach: Time Magazine on Attachment Parenting


Family in nature

Photo Credit: Hamad Almakt/Flash90

But again, I have my strong doubts, as I believe strongly that discipline is essential in child-rearing and children should learn to go to sleep in their own beds at their parent’s direction.

But there are other reasons for my departure from Dr. Sears’ points of view. I have long maintained and written that the greatest gift a man can give his children is to love their mother, and that the greatest gift a mother can give her children is to love their father. What children need to see above all else is that love works. The two people who brought him or her into the world are attached through the universe’s strongest force, namely, love. Therefore, the birth of a child should be bringing a couple closer together and not making them feel separated by a baby.

Second, there is the general issue of a child learning that, slowly and gradually, he has his space and mommy and daddy have theirs. This is a very important lesson for the child to learn, for a number of reasons. First, the child must learn that he or she is an individual and that slowly, through separation and proper boundaries, they have their own existence, as do mommy and daddy. How could the child possibly develop in a healthy manner if it feels itself to be a limb of the mother? After all, the baby, in being born, has become a separate being from its mother. Clearly separation at the appropriate time, therefore, is a healthy thing. The key is balance.

I am a great believer in the Golden middle path in all things, as advocated by the great Jewish thinker Maimonides. Balance means finding the proper measure of being attached to our children on the one hand, and giving them their own individual identity on the other. At the appropriate age a child should know that when they are put in their bed at a certain hour, and after being soothed, rocked, and comforted, they should go to sleep. The fact that they cry does not mean that we should indulge them immediately, lest they use crying as a means by which to manipulate their parents. We want to avoid raising children who cry to get what they want instantly. Such children, most would believe, are spoiled, indulged, and slowly but surely become the masters of their parents. Though I accept that there are differing points of view, I cannot understand how this can be considered healthy for a baby. On the contrary, it is not the child who knows what is best for himself. Rather, it is the parent that knows what is best for the child. It is not the child who is supposed to rule the roost. Rather, it is the child who is supposed to listen to his or her parents.

However, Dr. Sears’ theory would have us believe that if a child cries, they all should be given what they want by being picked up. It seems to me that this is a recipe for spoiling children and robbing parents of downtime or peace.

My wife and I are blessed, thank God, with nine children. I believe, of course, in them being nurtured and feeling loved that all times. But I also believe in discipline and having the children listen when they are instructed by us. When they are supposed to go to bed, I believe they should go to bed. This does not mean they always listen. Indeed we sometimes find it challenging to put our youngest to sleep. But I do believe that a child learning to follow rules is an essential part of their education.

It seems to me that elements of attachment parenting are extreme and lack balance. And in the same way we should avoid religious extremism and political extremism, perhaps we ought to avoid parenting extremes as well. Inappropriate ‘helicopter parenting’ potentially snuffs out a child’s initiative, individuality, and sense of self. Attachment parenting runs the same risk. But here it is not just the child whose individuality is potentially compromised, but the parents as well. Families are well-integrated machines and they require balance above all else.

A family is comprised of individuals. And when individuality is compromised so is the family.

About the Author: Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, “America’s Rabbi” whom the Washington Post calls “the most famous Rabbi in America,” is the international best-selling author of 29 books, including The Fed-up Man of Faith: Challenging God in the Face of Tragedy and Suffering. Follow him on Twitter @RabbiShmuley.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

One Response to “Rabbi Shmuley Boteach: Time Magazine on Attachment Parenting”

  1. Gil Gilman says:

    After his article on Michael Jackson, I thought that there must be a cuckoo's nest nearby, but he appears back on track with this article, although all this psycobabble is only important to those who either have too much time on their hands, or whose children are naturally little darlings…like mine.

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Palestinian Authority unity government chairman Mahmoud Abbas. Quiet negotiations with Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu?
Israeli PM, PA Chairman in Secret Talks?
Latest Indepth Stories
ISIS Released Map

Israel would love to be in the coalition,but it’s never going to happen, because, in the end, most of America’s allies would walk away if Israel were on board officially.

IDF lone soldier and  David Menachem Gordon (z"l).

Why has his death been treated by some as an invitation for an emotional “autopsy”?

Starck-091914

SWOT analysis: Assessing resources, internal Strengths&Weaknesses; external Opportunities&Threats.

Kohn-091914

Strategy? For the longest time Obama couldn’t be bothered to have one against a sworn enemy.

Seventeen visual skills are needed for success in school, sports, and everyday life.

We started The Jewish Press. Arnie was an integral part of the paper.

Fear alone is substantial; without fusing it to beauty, fear doesn’t reach its highest potential.

Fortunate are we to have Rosh Hashanah for repentance, a shofar to awaken heavenly mercy.

Arab leaders who want the US to stop Islamic State are afraid of being dubbed traitors and US agents

National Lawyers Guild:Sworn enemy of Israel & the legal arm of Palestinian terrorism since the ’70s

A little less than 10 percent of eligible Democratic voters came out on primary day, which translates into Mr. Cuomo having received the support of 6.2 percent of registered Democrats.

The reality, though, is that the Israeli “war crimes” scenario will likely be played out among highly partisan UN agencies, NGOs, and perhaps even the International Criminal Court.

Peace or the lack of it between Israel and the Palestinians matters not one whit when it comes to the long-term agenda of ISIS and other Islamists, nor does it affect any of the long-running inter-Arab conflicts and wars.

Rather than serving as a deterrent against terrorist attacks, Israel’s military strength and capabilities are instead looked at as an unfair advantage in the asymmetrical war in which it finds itself.

More Articles from Rabbi Shmuley Boteach
Russian President Vladimir Putin (R) and Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu meet in the Kremlin, Nov. 20, 2013.

On the one hand, Putin has been a friend to Chabad and to Israel. On the other hand, Putin is a brutal dictator.

The gradual trickle of self-hatred into the Jewish soul is evidencing itself in the American Jewish public.

Rabbi Schochet wrote the Johannesburg Beis Din: It is totally prohibited and unacceptable to hear someone like Boteach.

If you’re feeling down, stop reading right now. You’re only going to be more depressed.

The world and the United State continue to give Rouhani a pass.

American Jews – especially those working on campus – don’t accept that we have a battle on our hands.

But the most painful part of an otherwise illuminating and extraordinary Forum was Iranian President Rouhani’s speech.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/indepth/analysis/rabbi-shmuley-boteach-questions-about-time-magazines-attachment-parenting-cover-story/2012/05/17/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: