web analytics
March 29, 2015 / 9 Nisan, 5775
At a Glance
InDepth
Sponsored Post


Home » InDepth » Op-Eds »

Everything I Dreamed Of In A Husband


Dr. Ivan Mauer

Dr. Ivan Mauer

My husband’s first yahrzeit is almost here and I am finally ready to write about him. The gaping hole his passing left in my heart is still there, but I have learned to fill it with the sweet memories of our life together.

Ivan was everything one could want in a mate: kind and considerate, loving and gentle, a scholar with a brilliant mind, caring and devoted. I suppose I could add additional superlatives but even then I don’t think I could do justice to all that he was.

He was a doctor – the old-fashioned kind who cared deeply about his patients and called them at home to see how they were doing. He took their troubles to heart and was never too busy to give them a listening ear when their troubles were more than just physical.

His practice included individuals who were mentally challenged, and he gave each of them the same loving care he gave to all.

I was at a pidyon haben one evening and as I sat down at an empty table, a woman came over and asked if she could sit with me. Of course I agreed. She said most people don’t like to sit with her. I smiled and told her she was most welcome.

She asked me my name. When I told her, she said, “Mauer? I once had a doctor named Dr. Mauer. I never knew anyone like him. He made me feel as important as everyone else. He didn’t know it, but I used to go to him even when I felt well, because he made me feel good. Now he died and I don’t have a doctor any more.”

I know from his office that she was echoing the sentiments of all his patients.

He was a devoted friend and called people near and far every Friday before Shabbos. More than twenty years after he left Los Angeles, he was still calling his dear friends there every week.

“That is how you show someone that you care about them,” he explained to me when I questioned him about it. And it mattered little to him where he called to reach them – whether it was Israel or any other part of the world, if it was Erev Shabbos, he was calling to wish them a Good Shabbos.

And he spoke to everyone. It wasn’t just that he said hello to the porter and the janitor and whoever else crossed his path. He asked them how they were and how their families were. To him everyone deserved to be treated with dignity. Once when we were getting our car, the garage attendant told my husband he didn’t feel well. Our evening plans were put on temporary hold as my husband listened to his complaints and checked him out. Imagine the surprise of the people who came into the garage for their cars, only to see the garage attendant being examined by a doctor.

He had a tremendous regard for the rabbinate. He valued all knowledge, but he held rabbis in the highest esteem. He might disagree with individual rabbis but he always respected their Torah knowledge.

The late Rabbi Simon Dolgin remained his rabbi throughout his lifetime. But he also considered Rabbi Maurice Lamm his rabbi, and Rabbi Eliezer Waldman of Kiryat Arba was not only his rabbi but a dearly beloved friend as well. When we discovered Rabbi Berel Wein in Jerusalem, he too became Ivan’s rabbi, and whenever we were in Israel he wouldn’t miss a single shiur. When we were in New York we played his tapes every day on the way to and from work.

The greatest present one could give Ivan was a book. He was a voracious reader and could be reading more than one large volume at a time. On occasion when we knew the author, we were offered a copy of the book. Ivan would refuse. He wanted to buy the book and only then would he bring it to the author to autograph.

As a father he tried to give his children strength. After his first wife Gail (the mother of his children) died, he was devastated but understood it would be his example that would help them move forward. It’s easy to give up. It takes work to push forward when you don’t want to. That was Ivan, moving forward and doing what had to be done, honestly and with strength. And it was that example he gave to his children together with his love and encouragement.

For me, he was everything I had dreamed of finding in a husband. His love and devotion sustained me no matter what was happening in my life. He made me laugh, he made me feel smart, he was a comfort when I cried and he valued the Torah lifestyle we led together. He treated my parents as if they were his, and they in turn loved him like a son.

He loved my children and never wanted to make life difficult for them. He could be as visible or as unobtrusive as the situation demanded. And the grandchildren were the delight of his life; he was always thinking of things we could do for them.

He did so many things quietly, never caring if he got the credit for it. He was as strong as the situation demanded – the person family members and friends knew they could call on no matter the time of day or night.

When he was sick, it was very hard for him to be on the receiving end of care. He repeatedly told me he didn’t want to be a burden to me or to anyone else. I told him he could never be a burden but it hurt him nonetheless. He suffered so much in silence, though I could see how much pain he was in no matter how hard he tried to hide it from me.

He was so appreciative of the help others gave him and of the shul members and rabbi who came faithfully every morning to help him daven.

He loved the land of Israel and when he was in the hospital he told me he wanted to go home. When I replied that I hoped he would soon be discharged, he said the home he was referring to was Israel.

Hashem heard his prayers. His soul was gathered to Heaven, his body brought home to Israel. And always when I dream of him and wish I could just ask him what I should do, I hear him telling me, as he did at the end, “You’ll be all right.”

I loved him with all my heart. I felt as one with him. I miss him all the time. But I thank God for the years we had together and I feel blessed.

Naomi Klass Mauer is associate publisher of The Jewish Press.

About the Author: Naomi Klass Mauer is associate publisher of The Jewish Press.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

4 Responses to “Everything I Dreamed Of In A Husband”

  1. Dov Gilor says:

    Those of us who knew Ivan, loved him and enjoyed his friendship and brilliance. It was a terrible loss when he left us. Dov Gilor

  2. This article was written straight from the heart. I had the privilege of knowing Ivan, and everything his wife has written about him, is true. He was a man of immense knowledge, integrity and kindness and concern. His loss is felt not just by his wife and family or his patients, but by everyone who met him for in so many ways he was a giant of a man and made a wonderful impression wherever he went.

  3. This article was written straight from the heart. I had the privilege of knowing Naomi’s husband, and he was everything she described – a man of great knowledge, culture, compassion and integrity. His loss is great.

  4. I was struck by Ivan’s genteel mannerisms when I stayed in your home. He was a true “ben adam.”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
PLO / PA / Fatah leader Mahmoud Abbas.
PA Back Down on ICC in Exchange for Frozen Tax Revenue
Latest Indepth Stories
Father Gabriel Naddaf with soldiers

My beliefs & actions have led to numerous death threats against me; my excommunication by my church

Islamic Relief Worldwide Logo

In November 2014, Islamic Relief Worldwide was classified as a terrorist organization by the United Arab Emirates.

Safran-032715

Too rarely appreciated for its symbolic weight; it can represent freedom and independence.

Erica Pelman is a spiritually-driven woman. She is founder and director of “In Shifra’s Arms” (ISA), an organization that offers aid to pregnant Jewish women of all religious backgrounds practically, financially and emotionally. Its arms are open to any pregnant woman in need whether single, divorced, separated, or from a financially-strapped family. “Presently, we are […]

Many so-called “humanitarian NGOs” frequently abuse Israel by applying false moral equivalencies

Israeli history now has its version of “Dewey Defeats Truman” with headlines from 2 anti-Bibi papers

In God’s plan why was it necessary that Moses be raised by Pharaoh, away from his own family&people?

In their zechus may we all come to appreciate that life is a fleeting gift and resolve to spend every precious moment of it as if it were the last.

In any event, Mr. Netanyahu after the election sought to soften his statement on Palestinian statehood and apologized for what he conceded were remarks that “offended some Israeli citizens and offended members of the Israeli Arab community.”

A worthy idea any way you look at it.

There is something quite distinctive about the biblical approach to time.

The Waqf kept control of the Temple Mount due to Dayan’s “magnanimity in victory” after 6 Day war

The event promotes “1 state” solution (end of Israel as a Jewish State), BDS, lawfare against Israel

I rescued you?! You’re doing me a favor letting me help you!

More Articles from Naomi Klass Mauer
Kalman Samuels

Shalva founders, the Samuels understood that special-needs children and their families needed more

Naomi-010215-Memories

Dr. Faier passed away in 2009, leaving two manuscripts. The first, A Day is a Thousand Years: Human Destiny and the Jewish People, was published posthumously in 2012.

You children will build the country and you will help restore Israel to her former glory.

Presented by the Destiny Foundation and the Young Israel of Flatbush.

“What we are seeing here in New York today is not an artistic expression that challenges the limits of morality, but a moral deformity that challenges the limits of the art.

We started The Jewish Press. Arnie was an integral part of the paper.

Home is Milwaukee where their congregation, Beth Jehudah, and community always await their return.

After they saw what happened in Gush Katif in 2005, they understood Judea and Samaria could well be next.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/indepth/opinions/everything-i-dreamed-of-in-a-husband/2011/12/02/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: