web analytics
December 28, 2014 / 6 Tevet, 5775
 
At a Glance
InDepth
Sponsored Post
8000 meals Celebrate Eight Days of Chanukah – With 8,000 Free Meals Daily to Israel’s Poor

Join Meir Panim’s campaign to “light up” Chanukah for families in need.



Home » InDepth » Op-Eds »

Everything I Dreamed Of In A Husband


Dr. Ivan Mauer

Dr. Ivan Mauer

My husband’s first yahrzeit is almost here and I am finally ready to write about him. The gaping hole his passing left in my heart is still there, but I have learned to fill it with the sweet memories of our life together.

Ivan was everything one could want in a mate: kind and considerate, loving and gentle, a scholar with a brilliant mind, caring and devoted. I suppose I could add additional superlatives but even then I don’t think I could do justice to all that he was.

He was a doctor – the old-fashioned kind who cared deeply about his patients and called them at home to see how they were doing. He took their troubles to heart and was never too busy to give them a listening ear when their troubles were more than just physical.

His practice included individuals who were mentally challenged, and he gave each of them the same loving care he gave to all.

I was at a pidyon haben one evening and as I sat down at an empty table, a woman came over and asked if she could sit with me. Of course I agreed. She said most people don’t like to sit with her. I smiled and told her she was most welcome.

She asked me my name. When I told her, she said, “Mauer? I once had a doctor named Dr. Mauer. I never knew anyone like him. He made me feel as important as everyone else. He didn’t know it, but I used to go to him even when I felt well, because he made me feel good. Now he died and I don’t have a doctor any more.”

I know from his office that she was echoing the sentiments of all his patients.

He was a devoted friend and called people near and far every Friday before Shabbos. More than twenty years after he left Los Angeles, he was still calling his dear friends there every week.

“That is how you show someone that you care about them,” he explained to me when I questioned him about it. And it mattered little to him where he called to reach them – whether it was Israel or any other part of the world, if it was Erev Shabbos, he was calling to wish them a Good Shabbos.

And he spoke to everyone. It wasn’t just that he said hello to the porter and the janitor and whoever else crossed his path. He asked them how they were and how their families were. To him everyone deserved to be treated with dignity. Once when we were getting our car, the garage attendant told my husband he didn’t feel well. Our evening plans were put on temporary hold as my husband listened to his complaints and checked him out. Imagine the surprise of the people who came into the garage for their cars, only to see the garage attendant being examined by a doctor.

He had a tremendous regard for the rabbinate. He valued all knowledge, but he held rabbis in the highest esteem. He might disagree with individual rabbis but he always respected their Torah knowledge.

The late Rabbi Simon Dolgin remained his rabbi throughout his lifetime. But he also considered Rabbi Maurice Lamm his rabbi, and Rabbi Eliezer Waldman of Kiryat Arba was not only his rabbi but a dearly beloved friend as well. When we discovered Rabbi Berel Wein in Jerusalem, he too became Ivan’s rabbi, and whenever we were in Israel he wouldn’t miss a single shiur. When we were in New York we played his tapes every day on the way to and from work.

The greatest present one could give Ivan was a book. He was a voracious reader and could be reading more than one large volume at a time. On occasion when we knew the author, we were offered a copy of the book. Ivan would refuse. He wanted to buy the book and only then would he bring it to the author to autograph.

As a father he tried to give his children strength. After his first wife Gail (the mother of his children) died, he was devastated but understood it would be his example that would help them move forward. It’s easy to give up. It takes work to push forward when you don’t want to. That was Ivan, moving forward and doing what had to be done, honestly and with strength. And it was that example he gave to his children together with his love and encouragement.

For me, he was everything I had dreamed of finding in a husband. His love and devotion sustained me no matter what was happening in my life. He made me laugh, he made me feel smart, he was a comfort when I cried and he valued the Torah lifestyle we led together. He treated my parents as if they were his, and they in turn loved him like a son.

He loved my children and never wanted to make life difficult for them. He could be as visible or as unobtrusive as the situation demanded. And the grandchildren were the delight of his life; he was always thinking of things we could do for them.

He did so many things quietly, never caring if he got the credit for it. He was as strong as the situation demanded – the person family members and friends knew they could call on no matter the time of day or night.

When he was sick, it was very hard for him to be on the receiving end of care. He repeatedly told me he didn’t want to be a burden to me or to anyone else. I told him he could never be a burden but it hurt him nonetheless. He suffered so much in silence, though I could see how much pain he was in no matter how hard he tried to hide it from me.

He was so appreciative of the help others gave him and of the shul members and rabbi who came faithfully every morning to help him daven.

He loved the land of Israel and when he was in the hospital he told me he wanted to go home. When I replied that I hoped he would soon be discharged, he said the home he was referring to was Israel.

Hashem heard his prayers. His soul was gathered to Heaven, his body brought home to Israel. And always when I dream of him and wish I could just ask him what I should do, I hear him telling me, as he did at the end, “You’ll be all right.”

I loved him with all my heart. I felt as one with him. I miss him all the time. But I thank God for the years we had together and I feel blessed.

Naomi Klass Mauer is associate publisher of The Jewish Press.

About the Author: Naomi Klass Mauer is associate publisher of The Jewish Press.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

4 Responses to “Everything I Dreamed Of In A Husband”

  1. Dov Gilor says:

    Those of us who knew Ivan, loved him and enjoyed his friendship and brilliance. It was a terrible loss when he left us. Dov Gilor

  2. This article was written straight from the heart. I had the privilege of knowing Ivan, and everything his wife has written about him, is true. He was a man of immense knowledge, integrity and kindness and concern. His loss is felt not just by his wife and family or his patients, but by everyone who met him for in so many ways he was a giant of a man and made a wonderful impression wherever he went.

  3. This article was written straight from the heart. I had the privilege of knowing Naomi’s husband, and he was everything she described – a man of great knowledge, culture, compassion and integrity. His loss is great.

  4. I was struck by Ivan’s genteel mannerisms when I stayed in your home. He was a true “ben adam.”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
IDF Paratroopers training at the IDF Tze'elim base.
2015 IDF Military Intelligence ‘Crystal Ball’ Report
Latest Indepth Stories
Middle-East-map

Is not Israel’s policy of “territory for peace” with Arab leaders criminally irresponsible?

Israel Palestine Flag

Israel must develop it’s truthful message to be as clear & simple to comprehend as the Arab’s lies

School of Athens by Raphael (Aristotle on right holding his work, "Ethics")

2 basic aspects of Aristotelian thought remarkably like Jewish thought: “Involvement” & “Purpose”

Ben-Tsvi-122614

“Farming still allows some unique opportunities for mitzvah fulfillment that a city dweller never meets.”

It shakes our sense of justice when allegations against a famed role model are covered up or ignored

Feiglin: Only true liberty will allow us to genuinely connect to our Jewish identity.

The silver lining with early elections is the chance to change the current dysfunctional government.

The Holocaust Educational Trust Ireland informed the host he could not say “Israel or Jewish state”

It’s fascinating how sources attain the status “traditional,” or its equivalent level of kashrus.

The West needs to ensure Russia understands that aggression comes at a significant cost.

What benefit is a learning experience that leaves kids confused,disillusioned&harms self confidence?

Girlfriend and double cop-killer Ismaaiyl Brinsley apparently was influenced by Islamic extremism.

We see pictures of mosques, monuments for terrorists, illegal schools, and hundreds of apartments being built on Jewish land without repercussions. We are losing Jewish property, so it is up to us to protect it.

Thus, despite the increasingly serious problems for the mayor arising out of the current anti-police protests, Mr. de Blasio apparently will be cut no slack by those who seem to be aiming for a significant role in running the city from the streets and who will do whatever they can to prevent their momentum from ebbing.

Also left unsaid was the fact that the menorah and its oil were in the Beit HaMikdash, which of course was located on Har HaBayit – the Temple Mount that present-day Muslims claim as their own.

More Articles from Naomi Klass Mauer
Mauer-121214

You children will build the country and you will help restore Israel to her former glory.

Berel Wein and Malcolm Hoenlein

Presented by the Destiny Foundation and the Young Israel of Flatbush.

“What we are seeing here in New York today is not an artistic expression that challenges the limits of morality, but a moral deformity that challenges the limits of the art.

We started The Jewish Press. Arnie was an integral part of the paper.

Home is Milwaukee where their congregation, Beth Jehudah, and community always await their return.

After they saw what happened in Gush Katif in 2005, they understood Judea and Samaria could well be next.

Abusive men are usually on their best behavior before marriage. But they do provide clues.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/indepth/opinions/everything-i-dreamed-of-in-a-husband/2011/12/02/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: