web analytics
March 7, 2015 / 16 Adar , 5775
At a Glance
InDepth
Sponsored Post


Home » InDepth » Op-Eds »

Let’s Get Practical: Top Tips to Increase your Opportunities for Suggestions and Introductions

YUConnects fills the void by aiding individuals and communities in expanding their horizons and creating new opportunities.
Harei At - Credit Yiftach Paltrowitz

Photo Credit: Yiftach Paltrowitz

Our beautiful Jewish legacy is replete with stories of matches and ways that our ancestors were united in marriage. In reviewing many of those accounts from the Tanach and Talmud, a common theme becomes clear: their diverse ways of meeting had nothing in common. Each one was unique, no one method was utilized and each had its own hashgacha pratit (individual Divine intervention).

Yitzchak and Rivka were united through an “old fashioned” matchmaker like Eliezer. Rachel met her husband, Yaakov, at the well. Moshe Rabbeinu was a ben-bayit (regular guest) at the home of his future father-in-law, while King Shaul hand-picked David the warrior to be the intended for his daughter Michal. And, it should certainly be noted, Ruth met Boaz in the workplace.

We also see through the tale of one of the most joyous days of the year, Tu B’Av, that there were community-sanctioned public gatherings in Yerushalayim and its environs which historically turned into an auspicious day for matchmaking and betrothals (Mishna, Ta’anit 26b).

In our day and age, where Grossinger’s doesn’t exist and many bemoan the difficulty of finding their spouse in this hyper-connected but socially-disconnected world, YUConnects fills the void by aiding individuals and communities in expanding their horizons and creating new opportunities.

Davening (praying) for siyahta d’shimaya (Divine help) remains of paramount importance, of course, and Hashem’s blessing is what truly matters. At the same time, hishtadlut, personal and communal effort, is essential.

Here are our practical suggestions for those entering the dating world to increase his or her opportunities for suggestions and introductions:

● Network (and network, network, network!): Many of the suggestions for successfully landing a job apply equally as well to obtaining a date. Speak to everyone you meet in an upbeat, positive way. While some disparage a written “profile,” putting something tangible on paper offers definite advantages. It serves a as a permanent physical reminder for a friend or matchmaker who can have the details handy when recommending you; of course, you also get to clearly articulate what you are seeking. The debate about whether to include the “dreaded photo” will not be resolved here but it should be noted that many young adults have their profiles and photos very visible on the internet already through the various social media. A photo on a profile allows one to immediately “put their best face forward” since they will invariably be “Googled” by a prospective match.

● Be active in community events and activities: Expand horizons beyond work or school, meet as many new people as possible, participate in social chessed activities and accept opportunities to grow spiritually while making new connections. All of these additional experiences make you more interesting and more desirable as a life partner.

● Register online: In the recently published groundbreaking study led by Dr. Eli Finkel, which examined current online trends (Online Dating: A Critical Analysis from the Perspective of Psychological Science. Psychological Science in the Public Interest), the researchers noted that by 2009 more romantic relationships were begun online than through any means other than meeting through friends. Some databases that exist nowadays offer the best of both worlds – they have access to thousands of members but are discreet and allow for directed personal matchmaking through an intermediary. The matchmakers of SawYouAtSinai and YUConnects are able to view a profile and make appropriate suggestions as they arise. Numerous options exist which allow the member to choose how public, private or visible a profile will be to others.

● Attend singles events: Appropriate social events offer so many distinct advantages. They allow one to meet dozens of suitable suitors at in a single evening or day, plus one can network with facilitators or matchmakers and suggestions often arise for you or for friends (see next point!). Events and activities are interesting, enjoyable and YUConnects specializes in providing venues that are comfortable, relaxed and selective. Recent YUConnects events have ranged from chessed projects for homebound seniors to a multimedia trivia panoply game to exciting food competitions modeled after the Food Network shows, plus many more fun-filled programs. Even if an event does not lead to a direct date, it is a great way to get out and keeps a person on other people’s minds.

● Make suggestions for others: Just as davening for others can cause the Almighty to answer your prayers first, making suggestions for others not only truly helps your friends, but it actually is part of hishtadlut. By thinking of your friends and neighbors, and coming up with suggestions, you not only do a chessed, but it is a great way to keep your name in the minds of those you speak to.

● Meet matchmakers: Certainly don’t rely on any one matchmaker. The most important thing to realize is that they are overwhelmed with hundreds, if not thousands, of names running through their heads. Therefore, stand out. Make the extra effort to meet them in person. Become a real individual to them and not simply another young person who “loves to read, travel and spend time with family.” Please bear in mind that matchmakers who seem not to care because they have not made any suggestions are not necessarily ignoring you. They may simply be inundated or have been turned down by prospective matches. Remind them with a friendly e-mail once a month or with a quick call before Yom Tov wishing them a happy holiday.

As Orthodox Jews, we know that Hashem is there to help. Though He sends many messengers, each one of us must put in our effort. Certainly, the path to success in making matches is tumultuous and overwhelming at times, with many challenges along the way. But if each of us does our part and makes our personal and communal efforts, we are sure to be successful.

About the Author: Marjorie Glatt, J.D., serves as the Special Projects Coordinator at YUConnects (www.YUConnects.com), a premier relationship-building program run by Yeshiva University's Center for the Jewish Future. Grounded in academic research and the educational resources of Yeshiva University, YUConnects initiates conversations with community leaders, mental health professionals, educators and the greater community in an effort to establish healthy relationship-building fundamentals and, ultimately, more Jewish homes and families. This article is an excerpt from the first volume of a special two-part YUConnects edition in the CJF’s longstanding To-Go® series. It can be downloaded in its entirety at http://www.yutorah.org/togo/yuconnects/.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Let’s Get Practical: Top Tips to Increase your Opportunities for Suggestions and Introductions”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu addresses a joint meeting of Congress on Capitol Hill in Washington D.C., the United States, calling for rejection of a bad nuclear deal with Iran, on March 03, 2015.
Post-Bibi Bipartisanship May Result in Congressional Ability to Review Iran Deal
Latest Indepth Stories
Ron Prosor

Values at the very heart of the UN are threatened by extremist ideologies targeting our way of life

Ayatollah Ali Khamenei

Anti-Semitism today focuses on Israel and the quest to delegitimize it.

Ballots for elections "made in Samaria."

Any Jew who ties his fate to Israel should be able to vote in Israel’s elections-even before aliyah

A young Moshe Meir Weiss introduces his mother, Mrs. Agnes Weiss Goldman, to Rav Moshe in 1979.

There were no airs about him. Rav Moshe was affectionately known as the Gaon of Normalcy.

Israel’s full sovereignty over a united Jerusalem is the only path for true peace in the region.

Just like Moses and Aaron, Mordechai decides to ruin the party…

The president has made clear – I can’t state this more firmly – the policy is Iran will not get a nuclear weapon.

Obama has an apparent inability to understand Islam in particular and Mid-East culture in general

Pesach is a Torah-based holiday whose fundamental observances are rooted in Torah law; Purim is a rabbinic holiday whose laws and customs are grounded in the rabbinic tradition.

In honor of Prime Minister Netanyahu’s successful speech before Congress.

Mr. Spock conveys a message with painfully stark relevance to our world today, especially in the context of PM Netanyahu’s speech to Congress.

Obama created the “partisan politics” by asking Dem. party members to avoid Bibi and his address

Enough is enough. The Jewish community has a big tent, but the NIF should have no place in it.

I vote for the right and get left-wing policy. Every. Frigging. Time.

More Articles from Marjorie Glatt
Harei At - Credit Yiftach Paltrowitz

YUConnects fills the void by aiding individuals and communities in expanding their horizons and creating new opportunities.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/indepth/opinions/lets-get-practical-top-tips-to-increase-your-opportunities-for-suggestions-and-introductions/2012/12/28/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: