web analytics
July 25, 2014 / 27 Tammuz, 5774
Israel at War: Operation Protective Edge
 
 
At a Glance
InDepth
Sponsored Post
IDC Advocacy Room IDC Fights War on Another Front

Student Union opens ‘hasbara’ room in effort to fill public diplomacy vacuum.



Home » InDepth » Op-Eds »

Shidduchim for the Rest of Us

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Most of you have read a plethora of shidduch articles. Usually, they are loaded with advice and guidance for your typical girl or boy “in the parsha” or, to put it in plain English, dating eligible. Well, all you singles out there can breathe a sigh of relief, because this article is not about more advice for you. Rather, it is aimed at everyone else: the typical neighbor, friend, doctor, coworker, mailman, butcher, uncle’s friend’s neighbor’s cousin – even the parrot! – of a single, dating-aged person! Basically, anyone with the ability to talk should keep reading.

Everyone wants to know how he or she can help with the current shidduch situation. And there is one huge way to help all the singles out there and hopefully lead to more matches being made, without doing much legwork at all! I hope I’m not egged in Seven Mile Market for saying this – I think I will stay out of the egg aisle for a while – but this is very important, and for the sake of the klal, I feel it must be said.

While this may be a bit of a generalization, I have noticed that people like to pretend they know more than they actually do when it comes to shidduchim for other people. People like to feel involved. It is coming from a place of trying to help. I understand, but I would like to show how this need to be involved can sometimes be detrimental. Allow me to elaborate.

This typical conversation might sound familiar to you: “Leah,” a secretary, is talking to coworker “Shprintzy”:

“So, Shprintzy, my cousin from Lawrence called me today. She wants me to find out about Yenti from Baltimore. I thought you might know her, because she works with your friend Tova. Can you tell me what you know about her?”

Let’s stop right here. Conversations like this happen all the time. If it has not happened to you yet, just wait a couple weeks, because it will happen. You will be asked about someone whom you backhandedly know, barely know, or whom your husband knew 10 years ago. Quite understandably, you will feel the need to get involved and “help.” Of course, you could respond politely that you’ve heard the girl is phenomenal but since you do not know her well you can’t answer any detailed questions. Instead of that straightforward answer, however, your first instinct will be to call this one and that one (people who also barely know the girl or guy) and get bits and pieces, put them together, and report back to Leah.

Many find this the ideal way of doing shidduch research. After all, it is from the random people around town that you will get the real scoop about this girl, right? Actually, wrong. Many, many times, such “fishing” just leads to misinformation, people’s personal perceptions, and sometimes, as I have personally seen, outward lies. From my experience of trying to set up many matches per week for the past couple of years, I can testify that I have gotten many “no’s” to going on even a first date because of misinformation heard from “someone.”

Moms, I want to assure you I am not in any way belittling your efforts to research your child’s shidduch prospects. I am not blaming you for believing what you hear; I am saying that you, the parents, need to know whom you’re talking to and whether they really know the person you’re asking about.

As for you coworkers, mailmen, butchers, bakers, and candlestick makers, etc. – I am asking people those of you who do not know what you’re talking about to be a bit more careful with what you say. When you are asked about a certain girl whom you might know, sort of, you must know how to respond to the questions you are asked.

About the Author: Michelle Mond from Baltimore, MD is a licensed Esthetician by profession, and is currently working as a busy wife and mother. In her extra time she works as a shadchan for young men and women all over the US, in addition to writing about shidduch-related topics for local papers.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

Please use the Facebook Tab below to leave your comment:

One Response to “Shidduchim for the Rest of Us”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Loading Facebook Comments ...
Loading Disqus Comments ...
Current Top Story
cease fire!
Ceasefire Talks Again
Latest Indepth Stories
Jewish Home leader Naftali Bennett

Because let’s face it: Hamas obviously can’t defeat the IDF in the field, soldier against soldier

IDF soldier injured in Gaza is evacuated by helicopter to Soroka hospital.

The residents of Gaza were not occupied by the Hamas; they voted for the terror organization in democratic elections, by a huge majority, by virtue of its uncompromising struggle against Israel. For this reason, the separation between the armed Hamas terrorists and those ‘not involved’ or ‘innocents’ is false. The Gazans are now paying for […]

Shimon Peres meets with the family of fallen IDF soldier Max Steinberg.

As Peres retires, Israel fights sour legacy: Insistence on setting policy in line with hopes, rather than with reality.

Keeping-Jerusalem

Our capital was not arbitrarily chosen, as capitals of some other nations were.

UNHRC High Commissioner Navi Pillay accuses the IDF of possible war crimes in Gaza again, cutting slack to Hamas.

There is much I can write you about what is going here, but I am wondering what I should not write. I will start by imagining that I am you, sitting at home in the Los Angeles area and flipping back and forth between the weather, traffic reports, the Ukraine, Mexican illegals and Gaza. No […]

Should Jews in Europe take more responsibility in self-defense of community and property?

Germany’s The Jewish Faith newspaper ominously noted, “We Jews are in for a war after the war.”

The truth is we seldom explore with kids what prayer is supposed to be about.

Almost as one, Jews around the world are acknowledging the day-to-day peril facing ordinary Jews in Israel and the extraordinary service of the IDF in protecting them.

So on the one hand Secretary Kerry makes no bones about who is at fault for the current hostilities: he clearly blames Hamas.

King Solomon said it long ago: “Cast your bread upon the waters” because you don’t know when you’ll hit something. Our job is to do.

The anti-Israel camp does not need to win America fully to its side. Merely to neutralize it would radically alter the balance of power and put Israel in great jeopardy.

We mourn the dead, wish a speedy recovery to the wounded, and pray that God guides the government.

More Articles from Michelle Mond
OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Moms, I want to assure you I am not in any way belittling your efforts to research your child’s shidduch prospects.

    Latest Poll

    Do you think the FAA ban on US flights to Israel is political?






    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/indepth/opinions/shidduchim-for-the-rest-of-us/2014/02/16/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: