For One Day Only: $1=$4, Thanks to Matching from BIG Donors
“I still had a ham sandwich for lunch, and my mother made great pork chops” – U.S. Senator George Allen (R-Virginia), after discovering recently that his mother was Jewish.
● Today, President Bush discovered that his maternal grandmother was Jewish. “I still wore cowboy boots and cleared brush,” Bush said.
● Today, Vice President Dick Cheney discovered that his paternal grandfather was half-Jewish. “I still hunted,” Cheney noted.
● Today, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld discovered that his great-aunt was one-quarter Jewish. “I still used phrases like “Gee Whiz’ and ‘By Golly,’ and I was captain of my wrestling team,” Rumsfeld emphasized.
● Today, former first lady Nancy Reagan discovered that her astrologer was Jewish. “So that’s why I shop so much at Neiman-Marcus!” Reagan exclaimed.
● Today, UN Ambassador John Bolton discovered that his family’s original name was Billstein. “How could that be?” an astonished Bolton asked. “I don’t even like Chinese food.”
● Today, 9/11 Commission co-chair and ex-governor of New Jersey Thomas Kean discovered that his parents were both one-sixteenth Jewish. “Poppycock!” Kean replied. “I’m the least Jewish person on God’s green earth, and you know it.”
● Today, celebrity heiress Paris Hilton discovered that her pet Chihuahua is part Jewish. “Maybe that’s why Tinkerbell is so smart,” Hilton theorized.
● Today, African-American minister and presidential aspirant Al Sharpton discovered that his hairdresser is Jewish. “Is this what you call a “Jew-Fro?” Sharpton asked, fingering his bushy locks.
● Today, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt, Jr. discovered that his late father was half Jewish. “I always wondered why he called his favorite car a ‘Jew Canoe,’ ” Earnhardt said.
● Today, Washington Post investigative reporter Bob Woodward discovered that his maternal great-uncle was Jewish. “I always did have a ‘nose for the news,’ ” Woodward bragged. “I can’t wait to tell Carl Bernstein!”
● Today, discredited memoirist and ex-alcoholic James Frey discovered that his mother was Jewish. “Man, that’s so good, even I couldn’t make it up,” Frey enthused.
● Today, jailed Indian-casino lobbyist Jack Abramoff discovered that he is not, in fact, Jewish. “Actually, I’m Native American,” Abramoff reported. “You know, a member of the tribe.”
● Today, pro football star and Messiah-wannabe Terrell Owens discovered that his mother was Jewish. “You know, Jesus was Jewish, too!” Owens said. “That’s another thing we have in common.”
● Today, Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad discovered that his great-uncle was Jewish. “See, I told you, the Holocaust never happened!” he raged. “I mean, I’m here, right?”
● Today, actor Mel Gibson discovered that his father was Jewish. “I still think the Jews caused all the wars.” Gibson insisted. “You wanna piece of me? Let’s take this outside.”
About the Author:
If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.
Comments are closed.
The Gaza flotilla has been rightfully and legally blocked by Israel’s Navy, with greetings from Bibi
The president described the attack as “an act that drew on a long history of bombs and arson and shots fired at churches, not random, but as a means of control, a way to terrorize and oppress…”
And whereas at the outset the plan was that Iran would have to surrender most of its centrifuges, it will now be able to retain several thousand.
Now oil independent, US no longer needs its former strategic alliances with Gulf States-or Israel
In addition to the palace’s tremendous size it was home to the “hanging gardens,” which were counted among the seven wonders of the ancient world.
Rather than asserting Jewish rights on Temple Mount or protecting Jewish lives Israel chooses soccer
Nothing in the NEW Paris Proposal differs much from what was offered by Olmert and rejected by Abbas
No longer will delegitimization efforts go unchallenged. That’s a silence we will continue to break.
Increasingly, Sweden is becoming a country where anti-Semitism & supporting terrorism is acceptable.
Rabbi Pfeffer points out that at his site, there are no one-line answers. “We want to show the people we’re interested in their questions,” he says.
The problem with US treatment of Israel did not start with Obama but with birth of Jewish State
The pathetic failure of the Marianne to reach Gaza is the best thing that has happened to Israel since Hamas mis-fired a rocket on its own civilians.
Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/indepth/opinions/their-jewish-heritage/2006/10/11/
Scan this QR code to visit this page online: