Meir Panim implements programs that serve Israel’s neediest populations with respect and dignity. Meir Panim also coordinated care packages for families in the South during the Gaza War.
In an age plagued by narcissism, it is no wonder that “selfishness” has become a derogatory word. Too many leading figures have burned us with their greed and self-centeredness. The Bernie Madoffs of the world have compelled many of us to place more of a stress on altruism, philanthropy, and a rededication to the welfare of the world and its inhabitants.
But is selfishness a wholly negative trait? Should parents and educators strike it from their vocabulary and lesson plans? Or can selfishness ever be good and constructive?
“As a general rule, there are no attributes of the soul that are good or bad,” my dear teacher Rabbi Adin Steinsaltz once wrote. “There is no attribute that lacks its injurious aspect, its negation and failure, just as there is no attribute – even if connected with doubt and heresy – that has not, under some circumstances, its holy aspect.”
Since no attribute is essentially negative, none can justifiably be disqualified. Moreover, any attempt to do so would be a terrible injustice toward God, the very creator of those virtues and traits.
Further, the virtue of selflessness is profoundly connected with the virtue of selfishness. One can only give that which he has acquired, innately or extrinsically. For example, only the wise who selfishly acquire wisdom, and the talented who selfishly develop their talents, can contribute significantly to society. Thus the more selfish one is in building a good, solid self the more capable one will be in giving to his surroundings.
One of the leading rabbis of the nineteenth century, Rabbi Simcha Bunim of Pshischa, once addressed his disciples with a surprising yet important request: “Write two truths on two separate notes,” he told them. “Let one state the teaching of our Sages ‘For my sake the world was created [Babylonian Talmud, Sanhedrin 37b].’ The other should state the verse uttered by our forefather Abraham ‘I am dust and ashes [Genesis 13:27].’
“Now place these two notes in your pockets. When you are feeling useless, take out the note that states ‘the world was created for you.’ But if your achievements engender arrogance, take out the second note and remember that you are but ‘dust and ashes.’ ”
It is time for society to restore selfishness and channel it in the right direction. Unfortunately, because of the overemphasis placed on outward performance and achievement, we’ve often overlooked that which truly cries out for our selfish attention. Let us therefore effect a change of outlook and actions vis-à-vis two fundamental areas that necessitate selfishness more than ever: our marriages and our children.
Too often marriages end in divorce because the initial bond, the first encounter, is based on a misguiding and essentially unserious connection. We have forgotten that the success of marriage depends a great deal on the way it is formed. It is never enough to marry a person just because he is physically attractive, prosperous, or comes from a good family. And the information a person may obtain from prior conversations and excursions with a potential spouse, in private or public, is never enough to shed light on the totality of one’s being and personality.
Hence, two steps must be introduced: First, individuals have to study themselves thoroughly and selfishly. Second, they must study potential spouses thoroughly and selfishly too. This will enable couples to see if their own pieces of their puzzle fit well together. And if they are selfish enough throughout this process, they will be able to give of themselves to their marriage lovingly and selflessly.
The family unit is yet another area that must be addressed. The research here is astounding. Studies show that the less often a family eats together, the worse the experience is likely to be and the more meager the talk. They also show that children who eat most often with their parents are 40 percent more likely to get mainly A’s and B’s in school than are children who have two or fewer family dinners a week.
The conclusion is clear and obvious: a healthy family is one whose children are a foremost priority. Parents in a healthy family never compromise on the education of their children – not in their determination to find the best school for their children, regardless of their level of religious observance or income; not when they find their children watching a destructive TV program; not when their children are seduced by a harmful idea. They are always there to show the way, to sound the lucid voice of morality, because they know their children deserve the best education and guidance.
About the Author: Rabbi Pinchas Allouche is the spiritual leader of Congregation Beth Tefillah in Scottsdale, AZ. He is a popular educator, lecturer and author of many essays and writings on the Judaism and social analysis.
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Myth #1: It is easy to be a B’nai Noach. It is extraordinarily hard to be a B’nai Noach.
The question of anti-Semitism in Europe today is truly tied to the issue of immigration.
Polls indicate that the Palestinians are much more against a two state solution than the Israelis.
Emigration from Israel is at an all-time low, far lower than immigration to Israel from Europe.
Leon Klinghoffer’s daughters: “‘Klinghoffer’ is justified as ‘a work of art’…This is an outrage.”
Do you seriously think that as you kidnap our children we should medically treat and help yours?
Sometimes collective action against the heinous acts of the majority is not enough. The world should not only support the blockade of Gaza; it must enforce the dismantling of Hamas.
The Arab Spring has challenged Jordan with the task of gradual reform with regard to its monarchy.
Israel offered Syria the entire Golan Heights, only to find that the Syrians were demanding MORE!
Israeli hasbara too can be described at best as pathetic, at worst non existent.
A ‘good news’ story from the Nepal avalanche disaster to warm your heart. Take out your Kleenex.
Journalists see the Israeli-Palestinian conflict as morality play: Israel=evil; Palestine=innocent
Warsaw Ghetto: At its height, the Nazis walled in some 500,000 Jews within the1.3 square mile area.
While police officers face dangers every day on the job, Jews also face danger in their daily lives.
On Facebook, young and old alike fool themselves into believing they are better than the person they see in the mirror.
As the dust settles and the fog lifts from this tumultuous year of political campaigning, we are left to wonder how our country will evolve. Will the economy bounce back? Will our schools make progress? And how about U.S. relations with Israel? Will they grow weaker or stronger? Will the administration support an Israeli strike on Iran?
It was not a necessary part of our busy itinerary. It was not even a noble errand. But the craving for a tasty lunch led our group to experience a moment never to be forgotten.
Our blinding attraction to drama has captivated so many of us. We love to live it, watch it, or even worse, create it.
“It’s not easy being labeled religious these days,” a friend confessed to me a few weeks ago.
My friend may be right – so-called religious people have committed some of humanity’s most horrific crimes, casting a dark shadow on religion – but what is religion? What is the definition of a “religious person”? What was he referring to? Can religion and evil really co-exist?
Winds of uncertainty are blowing across the globe. The future remains unsure. Will the sun shine again? Will stability reemerge after the storm dies down?
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