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Question: Is there anything in Jewish law that prohibits replacing an old, existing matzeivah (tombstone) with a new, better one? I would greatly appreciate your response to this question.

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Answer: In the Kuntres Acharon of Ta’amei Haminhagim (Inyanei Semachot 1070), the author cites the Imrei No’am who quotes the Ari Hakadosh: “Tzaddikim who have a monument on their grave are considered to be of the revealed world whereas those who do not have a monument on their grave are considered to be of the hidden world, for the monument at the site of the grave reveals the place of the departure of the soul.”

Ta’amei Haminhagim also quotes the She’arit Yisrael’s comment on the baraita of chapter 2 of Tractate Shekalim (Jerusalem Talmud), which refers to the tziyyun, the monument or grave marker, as “nefesh” The nefesh has three parts, often referred to by the acronym nr”n. Nun refers to the nefesh, the life-spirit, that always flutters above the grave with the exception of Shabbatot, Yamim Tovim, and certain other times when it ascends on high l’hit’aden, to seek the pleasures of Gan Eden with the other life-spirits. In order to honor this nefesh, we identify the place where it usually rests by marking the grave with a monument or by building a structure.

The second letter, resh, refers to the ruach, the spirit, that clothed itself with the study of Torah and Avodah, the service of G-d, with which it was diligently occupied during the years of its sojourn on this world.

The third letter, the second nun, refers to the neshama, the soul, which has ascended upon high to derive pleasure from Ziv HaShechina, the glory of the Shechina. The neshama constantly rises from level to level.

Ta’amei Haminhagim further explains that the Gemara (Shekalim, ad loc.), in its citing of R. Natan’s opinion that we erect a nefesh on the grave, is hinting at the well-known position mentioned in the Zohar: The supplications of the living at the grave of the dead cause the nefesh to inform the spirit whereby the soul attains an additional measure of light. This phenomenon is achieved because “kol hamevakesh rachamim al chaveiro, vehu tzarich l’oto davar, hu ne’anah techilah – a person who solicits mercy for his friend while he himself is in need of the same thing will be answered first” (Bava Kama 92a). The assumption underlying this principle is that the departed pray on our behalf as well (that is, they act as a meilitz yosher, an advocate of good and justice), and thus they benefit.

In accordance with this explanation of R. Natan’s comment, R. Shimon ben Gamliel states that we do not erect a nefesh for the righteous since they attain their highest level without our intervention. The righteous can accomplish good without the interaction between the life-spirit and the spirit, and between the spirit and the soul, because the spirit of each righteous person is enclosed in that person’s remembrance and words of Torah.

The above seems to imply that we ought not to place monuments at the graves of the righteous. Our custom, however, is to do so. Ta’amei Haminhagim offers several possible explanations. It quotes Ikrei Ha’Arba Turim (to Yoreh De’ah 35:19), which, citing the Arizal in Sha’ar Hamitzvot on Parashat Vayechi, states that it is necessary to place a monument on a grave. Possibly, argues Ta’amei Haminhagim, the opinion of the sages that one need not erect a nefesh, an actual monument, for the righteous can be reconciled with this opinion: all might agree that we should at least place some sort of stone (a tombstone) on the grave. The objection is to elaborate structures such as mausoleums.

Ta’amei Haminhagim also mentions Responsa Chayyim Sha’al (71:6), which cites the Maharash Vital on Parashat Vayechi, who states emphatically that the monument is a tikkun for the soul.

In a similar vein, Ma’avor Yabok (cited in Imrei Noam, ch. 40) states that monuments upon the graves of the righteous serve as a great benefit for the living, who upon encountering the burial sites of such great people are moved to pray for Heaven’s mercy for both the living and the dead. Surely the righteous agree to the honors accorded since this stirs them to pray for the entire generation and all departed souls who still need tikkun (correction). We can thus understand the ruling of Rabbi Yosef Caro (op. cit. 348:2) that erecting a stone is considered a burial requirement for which we can force the deceased’s heirs to pay. The gaon Rabbi Naftali Katz, in his last will and testament, nevertheless cautions that one should not engrave the stone with excessive praises since the deceased pay dearly in Olam Haba as a result.

At the outset, we quoted the Talmud (Mo’ed Katan 5a), which cites Ezekiel 39:15 – “Whenever one shall see a human bone, he shall set up a sign near it” – as a source for erecting a monument on a grave. We asked why the Gemara does not cite Genesis 35:20, “Jacob set a monument upon her grave; this is the monument of Rachel’s grave to this day.” Indeed, Rabbi Moshe Feinstein (Igrot Moshe, Yoreh De’ah 4:57) cites this verse, rather than the verse in Yechezkel, as the source for our practice.

He asks a number of questions about this verse, though. In particular, he asks why Jacob erected a monument for Rachel. Was this merely his heart’s desire, or did Hashem command him to do so? Rabbi Feinstein concludes that Jacob probably acted under Divine instruction – just as Rachel’s burial site was Divinely chosen for the sake of future exiles. The stone was important to mark the spot so the exiles would be able to pray there.

Rabbi Feinstein concludes, after discussing many sources, that wherever there is a custom to erect a monument – which includes America and Israel – one must do so. Even if no money is left by the deceased, the heirs are required to place a monument at the gravesite. And since the source for this law is Jacob placing a monument at Rachel’s grave, the requirement is Biblical. Even if there were a safek about this requirement, we have a principle that “safek d’oraita lechumra” (that is, we opt for stringency whenever there is a doubt about whether a Biblical command applies), so placing the monument is necessary. Rabbi Feinstein adds, however, that he does not believe there is a safek; it is clear that the requirement is definite.

With reference to exchanging an existing monument for a better one, Rabbi Feinstein (Igrot Moshe, Yoreh De’ah 1:245), quoting some of the sources mentioned above, postulates that it is permitted. He also discusses whether the original stone can it be reused. He points out that problems can arise when the original tombstone needs to be reworked by grinding away the original names. He argues that since grinding thins and thus weakens the stone, it would not be feasible to use that stone for another purpose or for someone else. He writes that it is better to bury the stone; even doing so in a different location would suffice.

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Rabbi Yaakov Klass is Rav of K’hal Bnei Matisyahu in Flatbush; Torah Editor of The Jewish Press; and Presidium Chairman, Rabbinical Alliance of America/Igud HaRabbonim.