web analytics
August 31, 2015 / 16 Elul, 5775
At a Glance
Judaism
Sponsored Post


Q & A: The Sandak (Part X)


QuestionsandAnswers-logo

* * * * *

The following response came in from a distraught woman who relates her personal brit experience:

Dear Rabbi Klass,

After reading your columns on the topic of who should serve as sandak, I feel compelled to write to you. The memory of what should have been a sweet occasion sets me back emotionally every time I think about it. We lost our parents at a young age and I, being the oldest of five siblings and married only a few short years at the time, accepted upon myself, lovingly, the burden of caring for my younger siblings, in addition to my own baby daughter.

Fortunately, two of them were away in yeshiva (one in Eretz Yisrael and one here in the states in a dormitory yeshiva), though I hosted them when they would come home for the yamim tovim. My husband’s great investment of time, love, and care for children that were not his own was beyond compare.

When my youngest brother got married, we sat down with his future mother-in-law, a widow, and planned the wedding for which we agreed to pay for half of all incurred expenses. Soon we heard the great news that our brother and sister-in-law were going to be having a baby, and we were so excited. The young couple told us confidentially that if this child would be a boy, my husband would be the sandak.

As the months passed by, we awaited with anticipation the birth of a baby, with only one thing in mind: no matter whether it would be a boy or girl, it should be healthy. Imagine our joy when my brother called from the hospital and informed us that we were the aunt and uncle to a healthy boy! Again we sat down with our brother’s mother-in-law and made plans for the bris, the shul, the caterer, etc. My brother agreed to use the same mohel used by many in our family, including some of my siblings.

On the morning of the bris, my husband was at my brother’s side as the bris was about to begin. My brother then pointed to his wife’s family rabbi to sit and serve as sandak. My husband’s heart sank at that moment, but he said nothing. I was quite upset but kept my cool. Needless to say, our whole family was upset. Even my brother’s mother-in-law was surprised.

When we questioned them later on, they told us that the rabbi had told them that since neither parent has a father, it was only proper for him to serve as sandak.

I am mystified how we, who invested so much in this couple, could be simply discarded as though with the wash water by a rabbi. Am I wrong in how I am viewing this matter or is the rabbi?

A devoted older sister

I am very moved by your letter and numerous others that related similar experiences. Since you took the time to e-mail me about this matter, and since your letter reflects to some extent the experience of other readers, I feel it is important to include it in this discussion. I am at a loss to comfort you. I can only say that I sense that your love for the young child is not diminished, and time will serve to heal any wounds. I hope to conclude this discussion next week with a full response to your letter.

(To be continued)

About the Author: Rabbi Yaakov Klass, rav of Congregation K’hal Bnei Matisyahu in Flatbush, Brooklyn, is Torah Editor of The Jewish Press. He can be contacted at yklass@jewishpress.com.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Q & A: The Sandak (Part X)”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
IDF during a night operation. (file photo)
BREAKING: IDF Soldier Seriously Wounded in Shootout with Terrorists During Jenin Arrest Operation
Latest Judaism Stories
Torat-Hakehillah-logo-NEW

The common translation of the opening words of this week’s parsha, Ki Seitzei, is: “When you go out to war against your enemy.” Actually the text reads “al oyvecha” upon your enemy. The Torah is saying that when Israel goes out to war, they will be over and above their enemy. The reason why Bnei […]

Rabbi Avi Weiss

The love between Gd & Israel is deeper than marriage; beyond the infinite love of parent for child

Q-A-Klass-logo

Question: When a stranger approaches a congregant in shul asking for tzedakah, should the congregant verify that the person’s need is genuine? Furthermore, what constitutes tzedakah? Is a donation to a synagogue, yeshiva, or hospital considered tzedakah?

Zvi Kirschner
(Via E-Mail)

Taste-of-Lomdus-logo

Since giving the machatzis hashekel will not change his financial situation, he is obligated to do so even though it is more than a fifth of his income.

Today, few people fast during the Days of Selichot, but the custom is to rise early to recite Selichot.

Each month is associated with a particular tribe. The month of Elul is matched up with Gad. What makes Gad unique?

Sanctions and indictment of the Jew, holding him to a higher standard, is as common and misplaced as ever.

To allow for free will, there are times when Hashem will allow a person the “opportunity to be the messenger.”

“There is a mitzvah to pay the worker on that day,” answered Mr. Lerner.

Be happy. Be grateful. God knows what he is doing. It is all happening for a reason.

We get so busy living our lives, handling our day-to-day little crises that we forget to go that one step deeper and appreciate our lives.

The promise for long life only comes from 2 commandments; What’s the connection between them?

Mighty Amalek deliberately attacked enemy’s weakest members, despicable even by ancient standards

If we parents fail to honor responsibilities then society’s children will pay the price for our sins

Consider how our Heavenly Father feels when He sees His children adopting all other parents but Him

More Articles from Rabbi Yaakov Klass
Q-A-Klass-logo

Question: When a stranger approaches a congregant in shul asking for tzedakah, should the congregant verify that the person’s need is genuine? Furthermore, what constitutes tzedakah? Is a donation to a synagogue, yeshiva, or hospital considered tzedakah?

Zvi Kirschner
(Via E-Mail)

Question: When a stranger approaches a congregant in shul asking for tzedakah, should the congregant verify that the person’s need is genuine? Furthermore, what constitutes tzedakah? Is a donation to a synagogue, yeshiva, or hospital considered tzedakah?

Zvi Kirschner
(Via E-Mail)

Question: When a stranger approaches a congregant in shul asking for tzedakah, should the congregant verify that the person’s need is genuine? Furthermore, what constitutes tzedakah? Is a donation to a synagogue, yeshiva, or hospital considered tzedakah?

Zvi Kirschner
(Via E-Mail)

Question: When a stranger approaches a congregant in shul asking for tzedakah, should the congregant verify that the person’s need is genuine? Furthermore, what constitutes tzedakah? Is a donation to a synagogue, yeshiva, or hospital considered tzedakah?

Zvi Kirschner
(Via E-Mail)

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/judaism/ask-the-rabbi/q-a-the-sandak-part-x/2013/01/10/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: