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April 18, 2014 / 18 Nisan, 5774
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Anguish That Does Not Go Away: Reader Responses


Jungreis-Rebbetzin-Esther

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Shadchanim must always bear in mind the weight their words carry and how they affect the singles they come in contact with.

 

Letter 2 – from a shadchan to the reader whose letter appeared in the Jan. 16 issue:

Dear Anguished:

I am a shadchan living in the Five Towns. I can assure you your complaints do not go unheeded. There are so many wonderful people who do care a lot about the plight of singles of all ages. We spend many hours and days looking for shidduchs for all of the people who send us their resumes. We e-mail other shadchanim (men and women) to share their singles and hopefully, we connect for even one couple. We have seminars where the whole community gets together to find ways to help.

Even our busy rebbetzins share their advice and urge all members of the shul to become involved. I personally like the “Table for Eight Shabbos” which brings 24 singles together for a meaningful but most importantly a sociable Shabbos.

What do I get out of it? A challenge to the so-called shidduch crisis. I don’t give up. To complain to you that both men and women don’t get back to us is a waste of precious time. So many of you will not change your lists of priorities and just keep missing out on potential mates.

Even though I don’t know you, you are a neshamah looking for your soul mate. I want to help. I’ll do my hishtadlus for you as long as you remember that Hashem loves you always. Daven to Him, cry to Him. Maybe your prayers will be answered because someone else, a stranger, in fact, cares enough to give their time and prayers for you.

My son, a”h, passed away at the age of 19. His soul must be in Shamayim because his basherte on this earth was never meant to be. I decided, as I returned my gift to Hashem, that I would try to find z’voogim – soul mates – for others and give thanks to Hashem for the gift I had those 19 years.

In the zechus – merit – that his neshamah has an aliyah, I welcome you to allow me to find someone for you.

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2 Responses to “Anguish That Does Not Go Away: Reader Responses”

  1. Ramona says:

    Here is a completely different perspective–one that shows I and my friends are not alone in being happily single: http://www.bostonmagazine.com/articles/single_by_choice_why_more_of_us_than_ever_before_are_happy_to_never_get_married/page1

  2. Mysterious Lady says:

    The shadchan was probably very unhappy in her own marriage and was looking for someone weaker, more vulnerable to take out her own unhappiness on. Also, she was a bully and a sadist in her behavior toward someone in a vulnerable position. This is what I would have said: “Hashem has given me an appearance that attracts many men for the wrong reason. My mother always warned me to keep my distance from men who are attracted to me for superficial reasons. I immediately know when men do not have ruchnius in mind. This is why I am not married. Although I am careful to dress in the most tzniusdik way, I find myself surrounded by men (and their mothers) who are obviously looking for beauty. I am deeper than that and want someone who sees beyond the pleasing surface. All I will say is that you are mistaken in your assumption that I lack the qualities men are looking for. I will say no more about myself, since that would be untzniusdik.”

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