web analytics
December 20, 2014 / 28 Kislev, 5775
 
At a Glance
Judaism
Sponsored Post
8000 meals Celebrate Eight Days of Chanukah – With 8,000 Free Meals Daily to Israel’s Poor

Join Meir Panim’s campaign to “light up” Chanukah for families in need.



Can We Ever Trust Again?

Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

Dear Rebbetzin,

Of late your articles have focused on serious world issues. I feel a little silly bothering you with my personal concerns – but sometimes personal issues are the world.

I am writing to you about a familiar crisis – the shidduch situation. I have a daughter who is 24. She’s truly a beautiful girl and full of chesed.  She helps children with special needs in addition to working full time as a physician’s assistant. She’s a devoted daughter and granddaughter and a loving sibling to her sisters and brothers.

Additionally, she doesn’t have a jealous bone in her body.  All her friends are married and have children. She went to all their weddings with a smile on her face. No bitterness; no anger. I know, though, that in her heart she had much pain and worry.

I found her one night weeping profusely. “What’s wrong, honey?” I asked her.

“Don’t worry,” she answered. “I just get sad sometimes.” I understood. Too often in shul and in social and family circles we meet single women ranging in age from 20 to 60 (and older). They go to work, they go out to dinner, they have a circle of friends – but they share the same pain and carry the same scars. They’ve never had the joy of establishing a family life – of holding their own babies in their arms, of seeing them grow up, of taking them under the chuppah. My daughter feared becoming one of them.

A few months ago a friend recommended to us a young man who seemed to be a good marriage candidate. He was 26 and came with good credentials. Everyone had the most favorable things to say. He was learning in the evenings but was also working. We met with his parents and with happy hearts talked about our children getting married.

My daughter was glowing. I never saw her so happy. We went to look at halls. We set a wedding date. And then, two days before the wedding, the young man’s rabbi visited us. We were honored to have him as a visitor. But as we sat down at the table he said he had something painful to discuss with us. My husband and I looked at each other. The rabbi looked so troubled.

Slowly he began to speak.

“Sometimes we have great disappointments in life, disappointments that are difficult to overcome.” With every word he spoke, I became more and more anxious.

“Jonathan [not is real name] has some difficulties,” the rabbi continued. “He came to me yesterday and spilled out his heart. He asked that I come to see you.”

“What difficulties?” I asked.

“I know this won’t be easy, but he just cannot go through with the wedding. He asks that you forgive him. He does not want to hurt your daughter. It would be too agonizing for him to come to your house and say this directly, so he sought my help. He felt I could better explain his predicament.”

My husband and I looked at him dumbfounded. We could not believe what we’d just heard. How could this be? It was two days before the wedding. Everything was ready to go. The music. The menu. The dresses. The suits.

We thought we were having a nightmare. But this was not a nightmare from which one awakens. This was reality.

Our daughter had been so excited. She was constantly on the phone with her friends, sharing with them every detail of the upcoming chassunah. How would we be able to break the news to her?

“I wish,” said the rabbi, “that I could offer you some wise advice. I know that whatever I say right now will be of little comfort to you. But if a young man is so unstable, so troubled, that he could do such a thing, it’s better to find out now rather than later.”

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Can We Ever Trust Again?”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
funny rocket joke
Israel Retaliates: Hits Terror Tunnel Cement Factory
Latest Judaism Stories
Parsha-Perspective-Logo-NEW

To many of our brethren Chanukah has lost its meaning.

Parsha-Perspective-Logo-NEW

This ability to remain calm under pressure and continue to see the situation clearly is a hallmark of Yehuda’s leadership.

Torah-Hakehillah-121914

It would have been understandable for these great warriors to become dispirited.

Torah-Hakehillah-121914

The travail of Yosef was undoubtedly the greatest trauma of Yaakov’s life, which certainly knew its share of hardships.

Yosef, in interpreting the first set of dreams, performed in a manner that was clearly miraculous to all.

Chazal teach us that we need to be “sur may’rah v’asei tov,”avoid bad and do good.

When we celebrate the completion of learning a section of Torah, we recite the Hadran.

Fetal Immersion?
‘The Fetus Is A Limb Of Its Mother’
(Yevamos 78a)

Yosef proves he is a true leader; He is continually and fully engaged in the task of running Egypt

When the inability cannot be clearly attributed to either spouse, the halacha is the subject of debate among the Rishonim.

Those who reject our beliefs know in their souls Jewish power stems from our faith and our prayers.

He stepped outside, and, to his dismay, the menorah was missing. It had been stolen.

Though we Jews have deep obligations to all people our obligation to our fellow Jew is unique.

In a way that decision was the first in a series of miracles with which Hashem blessed us.

Question: If Abraham was commanded to circumcise his descendants on the eighth day, why do Arabs – who claim to descend from Abraham through Yishmael – wait until their children are 13 to circumcise them? I am aware that this is a matter of little consequence to our people. Nevertheless, this inconsistency is one that piques my curiosity.

M. Goldman
(Via E-mail)

Exploring the connection between Pharaoh’s dreams and the story of Joseph being sold into slavery.

More Articles from Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis
Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

Prayer is our language: Hakol kol Yaakov – the voice is the voice of Jacob – the voice of prayer.

Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

When art and evil are intermingled, evil is elevated and made acceptable.

In BB, he said “You, my children are the angels of Shabbos and the licht are your beautiful eyes.”

Why does Hebrew refer to mothers-in-law as “sunshine” when society often calls them the opposite?

Boundaries must be set in every home. Parents and children are not pals. They are not equals.

The call of the shofar is eternal. It is not musical. Its magnetic allurement cannot be explained.

We recently marked the thirteenth anniversary of 9/11 – that terrible day when the symbols of man’s power and achievement crumbled before our eyes and disappeared in fire and smoke. For a very brief moment we lost our smugness. Our confidence was shaken. Many of us actually searched our ways. Some of us even learned […]

One of the cornerstones of our Jewish life is chesed, kindness. Chesed can only be taught by example

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/judaism/rebbetzins-viewpointrebbetzin-jungreis/can-we-ever-trust-again/2014/01/30/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: