web analytics
November 23, 2014 / 1 Kislev, 5775
At a Glance
Judaism
Sponsored Post
IDC Herzliya Campus A Day on Campus

To mark IDC Herzliya’s 20th anniversary, we spent a day following Prof. Uriel Reichman, IDC’s founder and president, and Jonathan Davis, VP for External Relations, around its delightful campus.



Dashed Expectations And Single Daughters

I’m also a rebbetzin but as yet I do not have married children; it’s an experience I’m looking forward to and the reason I am writing to you now.

Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

Dear Rebbetzin Jungreis,

By way of introduction, I’m also a rebbetzin but as yet I do not have married children; it’s an experience I’m looking forward to and the reason I am writing to you now.

My husband is a rabbi in a small community on the West Coast. We have been blessed with two daughters and three sons. Our girls came first and after that the boys were born.

There is a difference of four years between our daughters and, early on at least, I was grateful for that. I’ve seen many situations where girls who are close in age become extremely competitive. So when my younger daughter was born four years after my first, I said to myself, Baruch Hashem, there will be no sibling rivalry here. They will have different friends, different expectations, and different teachers who will not compare one against the other.

I know families can be splintered when siblings do not get along and when there is jealousy – especially when they reach the shidduch stage and one gets married while the other remains single.

Boys somehow are different and I haven’t seen the same type of behavior among brothers, certainly with regard to shidduchim.

When our boys became older we sent them to a yeshiva in Baltimore and they did well. Two of them are learning in Yerushalayim and the other is in Lakewood. With our girls it was different. We were reluctant to send them out of town but when they graduated from high school they went to seminary in Yerushalayim.

When our older daughter came home we started to look for a shidduch for her. In our community, though, there were no real shidduch candidates for her. So we decided to send her to New York. She rented an apartment in Brooklyn from a lovely frum family. We were hoping that with the help of that family she’d be able to make a shidduch. The years flew by and suddenly she was 23 and still single. And the very thing I thought I’d never have to deal with was happening: My two girls were at the shidduch stage at the same time.

With every day that passed it became increasingly apparent that we were living in the wrong community. As much as our younger daughter was trying to make a shidduch for herself and as much as we tried to help, nothing seemed to work. Finally, my husband and I decided we would move to New York to help our older daughter.

You may wonder why we’d chosen to live in such a heavily assimilated Jewish community in the first place. Well, as a young and idealistic couple we had wanted to make a difference in the Jewish world and bring Torah to what had been a spiritual wasteland.

And we did make a difference. Today there is an Orthodox shul that my husband founded and leads. We built a mikveh with the help of others. We established a small day school where our own children studied for a few years, and more recently we set up a kollel. It’s comprised of just a few people but it’s a start.

My husband told our congregation that in all our years there we had never taken a Sabbatical or even an extended vacation, but now we would have to depart for a year to see what we could do for our daughter.

We moved to New York and knocked on every door. We spoke with rabbis, community leaders, neighbors and friends. We received a slew of recommendations. Our older daughter went on many dates but none of them clicked. After a while she refused to take more recommendations. She became somewhat bitter as she saw her friends getting married. We were heartbroken for her.

As for our younger daughter, we put her situation on the back burner. We were uncomfortable even considering a shidduch for her while her older sister was still single. And then before we knew it, our year in New York was over. We returned to our congregation, leaving our younger daughter in New York with our older one.

What should we do now, Rebbetzin? How can we find the right young man for our older daughter? And should we allow our younger daughter to go out before our older one finds her shidduch?

I regret that we never knocked on your door while we were in New York, but we associated Hineni with ba’alei teshuvah and we did not think we would find a proper candidate for our daughter.

However, we’ve heard from others about all the shidduchim you’ve made, here and in other countries. So at this point, with all our plans and expectations in shambles, I humbly ask your help in finding our girls shidduchim. They are truly lovely – pretty on the outside with good middos on the inside. I cannot understand why they are having such a hard time.

(To be continued)

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Dashed Expectations And Single Daughters”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
US Secretary of State John Kerry with German Foreign Minister Frank-Walter Steinmeier before P5+1 talks. Nov. 22, 2014.
BREAKING: West About to Cave on Key Iranian Demand
Latest Judaism Stories
Rabbi Avi Weiss

Yitzchak thought the Jewish people needed dual leadership: Eisav the physical; Yaakov the spiritual

Weiss-112114-Sufganiot

According to the Sefer Yetzirah, the nature of the month of Kislev is sleep.

Teller-Rabbi-Hanoch-NEW

Though braggarts come across as conceited, their boasting often reflects a low sense of self-regard

Nimchinsky-112114-Learning

Not every child can live up to our hopes or expectations, but every child is loved by Hashem.

Leaders must always pay attention to the importance of timing.

While our leaders have been shepherds, the vast majority of the Children of Israel were farmers.

Maimonides himself walked and prayed in the permissible areas when he visited Eretz Yisrael in 1165

If a man dies childless, the Torah commands the deceased’s brother to marry his brother’s widow in a ceremony known as yibum, or to perform a special form of divorce ceremony with her known as chalitzah.

Dovid turned to the other people sitting at his table. “I’m revoking my hefker of the Chumash,” he announced. “I want to keep it.”

Ever Vigilant
‘When Unworthy, One’s Number Of Years Is Reduced’
(Yevamos 50a)

Question: My young daughter was recently diagnosed with autism. She does not function well socially and is extremely introverted, but we have noticed that she reacts very well to small animals. We reported this to her therapist who suggested that we get a dog or cat as a pet. We know that most religious people frown upon having pets, but we hate to see our daughter suffer and want to do anything that would make her happy. Would it be okay to own a pet in the circumstances we described?

Her Loving Parents
(Via E-Mail)

Ramban interprets Korban as self-sacrifice, each Jew should attempt to recreate Akeidas Yitzchak.

Dr. Schwartz had no other alternatives up his sleeve. He suggested my mother go home and think about what she wanted to do.

Why does Lavan’s speaking before his father show that he was wicked? Disrespectful, yes. Rude, certainly. But a rasha?

We find that in certain circumstances before the Torah was actually given, people were permitted to make calculations as to what would better serve Hashem, even if it were against a mitzvah or aveirah.

More Articles from Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis
Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

When art and evil are intermingled, evil is elevated and made acceptable.

Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

In BB, he said “You, my children are the angels of Shabbos and the licht are your beautiful eyes.”

Why does Hebrew refer to mothers-in-law as “sunshine” when society often calls them the opposite?

Boundaries must be set in every home. Parents and children are not pals. They are not equals.

The call of the shofar is eternal. It is not musical. Its magnetic allurement cannot be explained.

We recently marked the thirteenth anniversary of 9/11 – that terrible day when the symbols of man’s power and achievement crumbled before our eyes and disappeared in fire and smoke. For a very brief moment we lost our smugness. Our confidence was shaken. Many of us actually searched our ways. Some of us even learned […]

One of the cornerstones of our Jewish life is chesed, kindness. Chesed can only be taught by example

“There is nothing new under the sun” is as valid today as it was yesterday.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/judaism/rebbetzins-viewpointrebbetzin-jungreis/dashed-expectations-and-single-daughters/2013/10/24/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: