web analytics
April 27, 2015 / 8 Iyar, 5775
At a Glance
Judaism
Sponsored Post


Dashed Expectations And Single Daughters

I’m also a rebbetzin but as yet I do not have married children; it’s an experience I’m looking forward to and the reason I am writing to you now.

Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

Dear Rebbetzin Jungreis,

By way of introduction, I’m also a rebbetzin but as yet I do not have married children; it’s an experience I’m looking forward to and the reason I am writing to you now.

My husband is a rabbi in a small community on the West Coast. We have been blessed with two daughters and three sons. Our girls came first and after that the boys were born.

There is a difference of four years between our daughters and, early on at least, I was grateful for that. I’ve seen many situations where girls who are close in age become extremely competitive. So when my younger daughter was born four years after my first, I said to myself, Baruch Hashem, there will be no sibling rivalry here. They will have different friends, different expectations, and different teachers who will not compare one against the other.

I know families can be splintered when siblings do not get along and when there is jealousy – especially when they reach the shidduch stage and one gets married while the other remains single.

Boys somehow are different and I haven’t seen the same type of behavior among brothers, certainly with regard to shidduchim.

When our boys became older we sent them to a yeshiva in Baltimore and they did well. Two of them are learning in Yerushalayim and the other is in Lakewood. With our girls it was different. We were reluctant to send them out of town but when they graduated from high school they went to seminary in Yerushalayim.

When our older daughter came home we started to look for a shidduch for her. In our community, though, there were no real shidduch candidates for her. So we decided to send her to New York. She rented an apartment in Brooklyn from a lovely frum family. We were hoping that with the help of that family she’d be able to make a shidduch. The years flew by and suddenly she was 23 and still single. And the very thing I thought I’d never have to deal with was happening: My two girls were at the shidduch stage at the same time.

With every day that passed it became increasingly apparent that we were living in the wrong community. As much as our younger daughter was trying to make a shidduch for herself and as much as we tried to help, nothing seemed to work. Finally, my husband and I decided we would move to New York to help our older daughter.

You may wonder why we’d chosen to live in such a heavily assimilated Jewish community in the first place. Well, as a young and idealistic couple we had wanted to make a difference in the Jewish world and bring Torah to what had been a spiritual wasteland.

And we did make a difference. Today there is an Orthodox shul that my husband founded and leads. We built a mikveh with the help of others. We established a small day school where our own children studied for a few years, and more recently we set up a kollel. It’s comprised of just a few people but it’s a start.

My husband told our congregation that in all our years there we had never taken a Sabbatical or even an extended vacation, but now we would have to depart for a year to see what we could do for our daughter.

We moved to New York and knocked on every door. We spoke with rabbis, community leaders, neighbors and friends. We received a slew of recommendations. Our older daughter went on many dates but none of them clicked. After a while she refused to take more recommendations. She became somewhat bitter as she saw her friends getting married. We were heartbroken for her.

As for our younger daughter, we put her situation on the back burner. We were uncomfortable even considering a shidduch for her while her older sister was still single. And then before we knew it, our year in New York was over. We returned to our congregation, leaving our younger daughter in New York with our older one.

What should we do now, Rebbetzin? How can we find the right young man for our older daughter? And should we allow our younger daughter to go out before our older one finds her shidduch?

I regret that we never knocked on your door while we were in New York, but we associated Hineni with ba’alei teshuvah and we did not think we would find a proper candidate for our daughter.

However, we’ve heard from others about all the shidduchim you’ve made, here and in other countries. So at this point, with all our plans and expectations in shambles, I humbly ask your help in finding our girls shidduchim. They are truly lovely – pretty on the outside with good middos on the inside. I cannot understand why they are having such a hard time.

(To be continued)

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Dashed Expectations And Single Daughters”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
Fighters from the Al Qaeda-linked radical Islamist Al-Nusra rebel group in Syria.
Sources: Al Qaeda Bombed Hezbollah and Framed Israel
Latest Judaism Stories
Torat-Hakehillah-logo-NEW

In her diary, Anne Frank wrote words that provided hope for a humanity faced with suffering.

Leff-042415

The Arizal taught this same approach, making the point that the Torah would never mention wicked people and their sins if there was not great depth involved from which we are to learn from.

Staum-042415

Humility is not achieved when all is well and life is peachy but rather when times are trying and challenging.

In order to be free of the negative consequences of violating a shvu’ah or a neder, the shvu’ah or neder themselves must be annulled.

“I accept the ruling,” said Mr. Broyer, “but would like to understand the reasoning.”

He feared the people would have a change of heart and support Rechavam.

Ramifications Of A Printers Error
‘The Note Holder’s Burden of Proof’
(Kesubos 83b)

Question: If Abraham was commanded to circumcise his descendants on the eighth day, why do Arabs – who claim to descend from Abraham through Yishmael – wait until their children are 13 to circumcise them? I am aware that this is a matter of little consequence to our people. Nevertheless, this inconsistency is one that piques my curiosity.

M. Goldman
(Via E-mail)

In this case one could reason that by applying halach achar harov we could permit the forbidden bird as well.

“What a way to spend a Sunday afternoon,” my husband remarked. “Well, baruch Hashem we are safe, there was no accident, and I’m sure there is a good reason for everything that happened to us,” I mused.

The answer to this question is based on one of the greatest shortcomings of man – self-limiting beliefs.

Myth that niddah=dirty stopped many women from accepting laws of family purity and must be shattered

In every generation is the challenge to purge the culture of our exile from our minds and our hearts

Rabbi Fohrman connects the metzora purification process with the korban pesach.

The day after Israel was declared a State, everyone recited Hallel and people danced in the streets.

More Articles from Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis
Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

In every generation is the challenge to purge the culture of our exile from our minds and our hearts

Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

His mother called “Yoni, Yoni!” Her eyes, a moment earlier dark with pain, shone with joy and hope

Pesach bonds families and generations: “So that you may relate it to your son and your son’s son.

Amalek’s hate never dies; its descendants are eternal & omnipresent; Hashem is our only protection

I try to be observant, davening daily, but it hasn’t awakened my heart or my mind or changed my life

France allowed Islamists to flourish despite their loyalty to Islamic sharia law not French values

“Surely,” my family insisted, “there must be someone suitable for you. You can’t be so picky.”

Shouldn’t we Jews, having experienced the barbarism of many societies, speak support the NYPD?

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/judaism/rebbetzins-viewpointrebbetzin-jungreis/dashed-expectations-and-single-daughters/2013/10/24/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: