web analytics
September 20, 2014 / 25 Elul, 5774
At a Glance
Judaism
Sponsored Post
Apartment 758x530 Africa-Israel at the Israel Real Estate Exhibition in New York

Africa Israel Residences, part of the Africa Israel Investments Group led by international businessman Lev Leviev, will present 7 leading projects on the The Israel Real Estate Exhibition in New York on Sep 14-15, 2014.



Giving Up On Rebellious Children? (Part One)

Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

Based on the response to my recent columns, it seems the problem of parents struggling with rebellious children may be more prevalent than even the pessimists among us had assumed. As we approach Pesach, the great yom tov during which we confront the Haggadah’s four sons – one wise, one wicked, one simple and one who does not know how to ask – we need to remember that these sons are in our midst in every generation and that we invite all four to join us at the Seder.

Here are some excerpts from one of the letters I received, followed by my response:

Dear Rebbetzin Jungreis,

I read your last two columns with tears. Unfortunately, I understand the problem all too well. My husband has completely given up on our rebellious son, who has turned his back on us and on his faith.

When my husband read your advice to the mother whose son was so openly anti-religious, he was skeptical.

“It sounds real good but in real time it doesn’t work,” he said. “Kids today are different. They are abusive – their chutzpah has no bounds and they do not know what the word ‘respect’ means. They think everything is coming to them. If you read the Rebbetzin’s column carefully you will see that she doesn’t really give an illustration of someone who descended to the lowest and came back.”

Rebbetzin, I’m in awe of your work. I have followed you for many years but my husband has washed his hands of our son. I would be so grateful if you could relate some of your experiences with young people who have hit bottom and come back.

My Dear Friend,

Tragically, I have too many stories. Our contemporary society breeds degeneracy and decadence. I will share one of these painful situations that at first appeared completely hopeless and yet ended with blessings.

I was on my way to a speaking engagement when a gentleman approached me and asked, “Aren’t you Rebbetzin Jungreis?” We exchanged pleasantries and then he said, “I have a job for you. You must go to Las Vegas immediately.”

He explained that he did not travel to Las Vegas to gamble but for business reasons. A young man there from a respectable family, he said, was “all messed up and headed for disaster.”

By this time I was used to having people approach me seeking help for troubled children. My schedule was such, however, that it was not realistic for me to go there. I suggested he bring the young man to me. “Forget that,” he answered. “He’ll never listen! If anything, he’ll laugh in my face.”

A few weeks after that chance meeting, a dignified woman in her late forties came to seek my help at our Hineni Torah class.

“Rebbetzin,” she said, “I have serious problems. My son got involved with the wrong group of friends and left home. He went to Las Vegas.”

I was instantly reminded of my recent conversation with the gentleman who approached me on my way to that speaking engagement. The coincidence was striking. The woman went on to say, “And if things were not bad enough, he got himself into some trouble with the police. I don’t exactly know what he did but he’s in real trouble. My husband has had it with him and refuses to even engage an attorney for his defense.”

“Parents can never give up on a child,” I said. “Fathers and mothers have no option but to try to help their sons and daughters. Do what you have to, but get him back to New York and bring him to me.”

As I was telling her this I remembered a story my maternal grandfather, the rosh yeshiva Rabbi Tzvi Hirsh Kohn, zt”l, once told me. It was about the Rebbe of Tzernovitz, who had a rebellious son. The members of his congregation were so outraged by the boy’s behavior that they appointed a committee to take the matter up with the Rebbe himself. They were certain that once he was aware of the problem he would banish his son from the community.

It was a few days before Yom Kippur when they went to the Rebbe’s house. They found him immersed in penitential prayers. They could hear his voice through the door:

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Giving Up On Rebellious Children? (Part One)”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Finance Minister Yair Lapid, chairman of the Yesh Atid party.
Lapid Slammed by Secular and Press for Shabbat Press Conference
Latest Judaism Stories
Hertzberg-092614

Perhaps the most important leadership lesson Elkana taught us is to never underestimate the difference a single person can make.

Teller-Rabbi-Hanoch-NEW

“he’s my rabbi” the Black painter said with pride, pulling out a photo of the Rebbe from his wallet

Rabbi Avi Weiss, head of theYeshivat Chovevei Torah. Rabbi Asher Lopatin will be replacing him as head of the school.

The Torah notes that even when we are dispersed God will return us to Him.

Rabbi Sacks

Simply, for Rambam the number 14 (2×7) was his favored organizing principle.

One of the cornerstones of our Jewish life is chesed, kindness. Chesed can only be taught by example

Our understanding of what is and what is not possible creates imagined ceilings of opportunity for us.

This young, innocent child gave me a powerful, warm surge of energy and strength.

The Chafetz Chaim answered that there are two forms of teshuvah; teshuvah m’ahava and teshuvah m’yirah.

Question: I recently loaned money to a friend who has been able to repay only part of it. This was an interest-free loan. We exchanged a signed IOU, not a proper shtar with witnesses, since I have always trusted her integrity and only wanted a document that confirms what was loaned and what was repaid. Now that shemittah is approaching, what should I do? Should I forgive the loan? And if my friend is not able to repay it, may I deduct the unpaid money from my ma’aser requirement?

Name Withheld

A Role Reversal
‘Return, O Wayward Sons…’
(Chagigah 15a)

When the Kleins returned, however, they were dismayed to see that the renters did a poor job cleaning up after themselves.

In Parshas Re’eh the Torah tells us about the bechira to adhere to the commandments of Hashem and refrain from sin. In Parshas Nitzavim, the Torah tells us that we have the choice to repent after we have sinned.

As Moshe is about to die, why does God tell him about how the Israelites will ruin everything?

Jonah objected to God accepting repentance based on ulterior motives and likely for short duration.

This week’s parsha offers a new covenant; a covenant that speaks to national life unlike any other

More Articles from Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis
Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

One of the cornerstones of our Jewish life is chesed, kindness. Chesed can only be taught by example

Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

“There is nothing new under the sun” is as valid today as it was yesterday.

The time immediately preceding Mashiach’s arrival is likened to the birth pangs of a woman in labor.

If we regard pain and suffering as mere coincidence, we will feel no motivation to examine our lives

What does Hashem want of us? That we should protect each other and the awesome heritage He gave us.

Gratitude=Great Attitude. Appreciation is always appropriate.

The two words “thank you” have no time expiration; even if spoken after many years they’re as potent as ever.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/judaism/rebbetzins-viewpointrebbetzin-jungreis/giving-up-on-rebellious-children-part-one/2013/03/20/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: