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September 21, 2014 / 26 Elul, 5774
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Shidduch Challenges: Where Is Your Soul Mate?


Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

Time and again I have seen singles reject a potential match out of hand because of a preconceived image of the man or woman they hoped to marry. I try to introduce someone at one of our Torah classes or parties to a young man or woman, explaining that I know the person to be kind, intelligent and committed – only to be met with a shrug of the shoulders or a wave of the hand and a dismissive “I don’t think so.”

“Why not?” I press.

The response invariably is “I just don’t feel the chemistry” – whatever that vague word is supposed to mean. So the years pass and they find themselves still searching for that elusive “chemistry.”

I am not suggesting that attraction is not important. Of course it is, but when a person is highly recommended and meets all the qualifications you are looking for on paper, give it a chance. It often happens that when people get to know someone they initially thought was definitely a “no,” it turns out to be exactly they were looking for.

On the other hand, I have met many who married because of “chemistry,” only to tragically find that the formula did not work.

Obviously there are other factors responsible for the shidduch crisis, but we will have to take those up at some future point.

I wish all our singles mazal and berachah. May Hashem guide each and every one of you to your true bashert. And I always stand ready to help. I invite you to visit our Hineni Shidduch Service. Come to our classes and join us at our celebrations and parties. Our next gala event will take place on Purim (Wednesday evening, March 7) at the 404 NYC Club, 404 10th Avenue (at 33rd Street). It will be preceded by a beautiful megillah reading by Dr. Michael Zelefsky

Reservations are a must – by phone (212-496-1660) or online hineni@hineni.org

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One Response to “Shidduch Challenges: Where Is Your Soul Mate?”

  1. Avraham Chaim says:

    Let’s put a good portion of the blame on the rebbeim. In their desire to stop inappropriate behavior, they have made it more difficult for young singles to meet. When I was single, back in the 70′s, there were many opportunities for young people to socialize informally and make connections. There were mixers, Brooklyn College house parties and other ways to meet. Virtually everybody in my age bracket got married.

    Today, these are all gone. Even at weddings, there is separate seating. A couple at the “singles’s table” met at our wedding. In today’s world, they would have sat at single sex tables and probably never would have met.

    Until the rebbeim wake up and realize that they are part of the problem, there will never be a solution.

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