web analytics
September 16, 2014 / 21 Elul, 5774
At a Glance
Judaism
Sponsored Post
Apartment 758x530 Africa-Israel at the Israel Real Estate Exhibition in New York

Africa Israel Residences, part of the Africa Israel Investments Group led by international businessman Lev Leviev, will present 7 leading projects on the The Israel Real Estate Exhibition in New York on Sep 14-15, 2014.



The Readers Respond: Lack Of Consideration


Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

Special Note: In last week’s column I wrote about the very painful situation in Israel, but as the tragedy keeps escalating, I once again feel impelled to share some thoughts. I doubt very much whether there are too many parallels for the catastrophe that occurred this past week when the wedding hall collapsed.
We stand stunned in face of this senseless catastrophic ‘accident’ But then again, we Jews know that there are no ‘accidents!’ There is a Divine hand that guides everything that occurs, even if it be beyond our understanding. Alas, this latest catastrophe cannot be blamed on the Arabs, so we must look within ourselves. I would like to suggest that we need a total spiritual revamping, and for that we must scrutinize our neshamas and determine what takanahs we can apply to our lives.
May HaShem have mercy upon us all and may we in turn extend mercy and chesed to one another.  I received many letters in response to my column ‘Lack of Consideration at Simchas,’ when guests respond that they will attend and then show up only for the reception, leaving empty seats and tables for which the host must pay. I am pleased to share three of those letters with you.

Letter # 1 – From A Prison InmateDear Rebbetzin Jungreis:

The lady who sent in her letter, ‘Lack of Consideration’ should be commended for honoring her mother and father’s wishes in holding the catered affair. It sounds as if she and her husband went out of their way to do this. Furthermore, she is making a good effort in deciding to ‘channel that anger in a positive direction.’ What I am not totally clear on is why she is angry. She claims that she is a ba’alas tshuva and her husband a ba’al tshuva. I would think this would help her to look beyond this incident and be more understanding. So, fifteen percent of the people didn’t come. Prior to sending out the invitations, she was warned that twenty five percent wouldn’t come. Mazel tov! She beat the average.

Looking further, it seems that she was upset by the expense incurred and the ‘waste of food’. Don’t we learn that everything we have (money, food, housing, etc.) is a loan from HaShem, and therefore, we must give back. There is a mitzvah to help the poor, to leave the ‘corner’ of the field for the needy, so, rather than looking at what was left over as a ‘waste of money and food’, wouldn’t it have been nicer if she took that as an opportunity to donate the leftovers to tzedakah? This way, she could share her son’s simcha with those who are in need of support.

Trust me, I know about being stingy, greedy and inconsiderate (I was there!). I know that I do not have many ‘Brownie points’ with HaShem, but I also know the feeling of helping, of lightening a person’s worries or fears, even if the person doesn’t say thank you. You need to always look just a little further, and ask yourself these important questions: ‘Did I do this action to make me feel good? … to make me look good? Or did I do it to be good and do chesed for others?’

Please feel free to print this letter.

From a man behind bars who knows what it’s like to be in need and appreciates any form of chesed.

Letter # 2 – Some Practical Suggestions

Dear Rebbetzin Jungreis:

I read with interest your column this week of the woman who was upset at the poor turn-out at her son’s Bar Mitzva. I would like to offer a solution. Similar to yeshiva dinner RSVP cards on which many options are listed – i.e., reservations, size of ad, paying by check or credit, bill us later… maybe simcha invitations can also include the option - We will be happy to attend the reception/chuppah/smorgasbord/but will not be able to stay for the dinner. Since the option is clearly printed, there is no feeling of hurt or embarrassment on either side. I think guests will be happy that it’s just fine to come say mazel tov, stay for a few minutes and then leave. Maybe your readers will find this helpful.

Many thanks for all of your great work on behalf of K’lal Yisrael.

Letter #3 - ‘Punctuality Counts’

Dear Rebbetzin:

I felt I had to reply to the ba’al simcha who was upset about guests leaving before the meal. My husband and I have been, unfortunately, exactly that type of guest. Many times it is printed that the Chuppah will take place at 7:30, but in reality, it doesn’t take place until 9 or 10 pm. Often, we are an hour’s drive from home and must be up at 6 the next morning. We have been to exactly four weddings in the last 10 years when the chuppah was within 30 minutes of the stated time, and we were able to eat and bentsch with the assembled).

There is no chuppah at a Bar Mitzvah…still, we’re talking about school boys. Why do we need a protracted smorgasbord before the meal? Does the pshet’l (dissertation) have to be after 10 PM? I am not suggesting that this particular simcha ran so late, but I’m pretty sure that if one wrote on the invitation: ‘bentsching (grace) at 10 pm’ and kept to the schedule, more seats would be filled. If we arrive at a simcha at the time stated on the invitation and no other guests are there and the hall is still being set up, we are pretty sure we’ll be leaving before the meal (babysitters have to go home too). But if the affair is called for 6:30 and the soup is on the table at 7:30, we’re pretty sure we’ll stay to bentsch.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “The Readers Respond: Lack Of Consideration”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
A scene from the opera "Death of Klinghoffer." Protests at Lincoln Center start Sept. 22, at 4:30.
Klinghoffer: Pretending Art Means Never Having to Say You’re Sorry
Latest Judaism Stories
15th century Book of the Torah

This week’s parsha offers a new covenant; a covenant that speaks to national life unlike any other

Leff-091214

All Jews are inherently righteous and that is why we all have a portion in the World to Come.

Grunfeld-Raphael-logo

If mourning is incompatible with Yom Tov, why is it not incompatible with Shabbat?

Taste-of-Lomdus-logo

Since it is a Rabbinic prohibition we may follow the more lenient opinion.

How can the Torah expect me today, thousands of years after the mitzvahs were given, to view each mitzvah as if I’m fulfilling it for the first time?

Torah isn’t a theological treatise or a metaphysical system but a series of stories linked over time

In contrast to her Eicha-like lamentations of the previous hour or more, however, my youngest was now grinning from ear-to-ear.

An Astonishing Miracle
‘Why Bring the Infants to Hakhel?’
(Chagigah 3a)

Question: I recently loaned money to a friend who has been able to repay only part of it. This was an interest-free loan. We exchanged a signed IOU, not a proper shtar with witnesses, since I have always trusted her integrity and only wanted a document that confirms what was loaned and what was repaid. Now that shemittah is approaching, what should I do? Should I forgive the loan? And if my friend is not able to repay it, may I deduct the unpaid money from my ma’aser requirement?

Name Withheld

e are in a time of serious crisis and must go beyond our present levels of chesed.

According to Ibn Ezra, the Torah was stressing through this covenant that hypocrisy was forbidden.

“Tony said that the code in most places in the U.S. is at least 36 inches for a residential guardrail,” replied Mr. Braun. “Some make it higher, 42, or even 52 inches for high porches. What is the required height according to halacha?”

Simcha is total; sahs is God’s joy in protecting us even when we are most vulnerable.

Not only do we accept You as our King, it is our greatest desire that the name of Your Kingdom be spread throughout the entire universe.

More Articles from Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis
Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

“There is nothing new under the sun” is as valid today as it was yesterday.

Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis

The time immediately preceding Mashiach’s arrival is likened to the birth pangs of a woman in labor.

If we regard pain and suffering as mere coincidence, we will feel no motivation to examine our lives

What does Hashem want of us? That we should protect each other and the awesome heritage He gave us.

Gratitude=Great Attitude. Appreciation is always appropriate.

The two words “thank you” have no time expiration; even if spoken after many years they’re as potent as ever.

Let us shake the heavens. Let us not stop until our boys and all our people are liberated from bondage.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/judaism/rebbetzins-viewpointrebbetzin-jungreis/the-readers-respond-lack-of-consideration/2001/07/04/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: