Two stories: As one of my past responsibilities as a principal of a day school, I organized the eighth grade trip to Israel. It was a trip that all the children eagerly awaited until their year arrived when they could participate in this wonderful experience. I led these trips for over 25 years and was and still am intimately familiar with arranging and planning them so that the participants look back at the trip as an “experience of a lifetime.”
Approximately 20 years ago, one of the eighth graders in my school was in a terrible automobile accident and barely survived the trauma. Her chances for ever walking again were slim and initially in her eighth grade year she was placed in a body cast and was home schooled for six months. At the end of six months she was confined to a wheel chair and at times she literally had to be carried from place to place. Parental and professional help were a vital necessity for nearly all hours of the day.
It was in March of that year that the parent inquired of me whether her child, whose body cast was just removed, could participate in the eighth grade two-week trip to Israel scheduled for later that month.
Though I felt extreme empathy for the child, I attempted to explain to the parent that the responsibility would be too great and in addition it would greatly deprive from the experience of the other children in the class.
The parent, who was an active and influential board member and supporter of the school, insisted and offered to accompany her child on the trip and said she would take full responsibility for her participation.
I explained to the mother at that time that if her child would be on the trip it would slow the itinerary and would not be fair to the other children. While I realized that a valuable lesson could be taught to all the children on the importance of compassion and sensitivity, I felt that it was just too much to ask 15 eighth graders to do on their long-awaited trip to Israel.
After much discussion I was forced to take this child on the trip. Though the parents tried to assume responsibility for their child, the trip contained one problem to another – most areas in Israel are not handicap accessible – and everyone including the parents became resentful of the amount of time and effort that had to be expended, all at the expense of the other children. Needless to say, the entire situation placed a damper on the entire trip.
A second story: The young 11-year-old girl complained to her mother that there was not enough time during lunch to eat and to bench. Her mother called this to the attention of the principal and he indicated that to his knowledge the children all benched together and there was enough time. The next day the teacher was spoken to.
In retaliation the teacher entered the classroom of this 11-year-old, together with a co-teacher, and announced, “Who told the principal that I did not give enough time to bench. They should be ashamed of themselves for speaking lashon harah and should publicly apologize for their actions.” She then proceeded to ask each child to stand and state that they were not the one who told their mother of this situation and in turn the principal.
Essentially, the lesson that was taught by this teacher (besides the obvious inappropriate behavior on several levels) was that a child should never share her problems with their parents and that their parents had no right to interfere in the education of their child.