To our readers who might be alarmed by the possibility that the Earth, or Israel alone, has been negotiating with creatures from outer space, let me assure you that this was merely a quip by Minister Naftali Bennett, and not a report about an admittedly shocking situation. Also, those readers who object to satirical material on our website, seeing as the headline of this report could be considered somewhat spoofish, let me assure you that every bit of it is absolutely, honest to goodness sober and real.
Now that the bus full of murderous, bestial, horrible Palestinians with Jewish blood of women and children on their hands (feel free to add your own adjective, but it won’t stop anything)…
and the government ministerial committee on legislation has approved 8-3 a kind of annexation of the Jordan valley (to the great relief of the Jordanian king who refuses to have those crazy Palestinians at his border)…
and Chief PLO negotiator Saeb Erekat had his say (“the decision destroys all efforts for peace with Israel, showing the Israeli government’s indifference toward international law,” which it isn’t), we are officially in the next phase.
It’s the phase where the two opposing sides are attempting to galvanize their own public support, while making the other side look greedy, foolish, nearsighted, dangerous.
The two opposing sides, of course, are Justice Minister and Chief Negotiator Tzipi Livni vs. Jewish Home Chairman and Economy Minister Naftali Bennett. Because, frankly, there’s very little daylight between Tzipi and Erekat, or Tzipi and Kerry, but there’s a blast of Sahara desert sun between Tzipi and Naftali.
On Monday, Livni talked about the viability of the “peace negotiations,” saying “I’m not saying it’s easy, and I have issues with the Palestinians, too”—remember the daylight thing?—but the right’s glee over the fact that the Palestinians are not proving to be an honest partner for peace seems to her to be a fool’s delight, and an excuse.
“The question is not whether or not there’s a partner – we need to mark a target and take action.”
Very good advise to mortgage bankers, by the way: it makes no difference whether or not the borrower can pay it back – he’s over there, give him the money…
“My partner is Zionism,” Livni declared – I’m not making this up. “Today’s negotiation is not being conducted only with the Palestinians, but also with the world, through the United States, which is not merely the go between but an ally, with whom we share common interests.”
And then she added: “We can still reach a deal with the Palestinians and with the world and recruit them to our interests.”
If you feel that this phrase is bizarre, about recruiting the Palestinians and the world to our interests – it sounds just as bizarre in Hebrew.
Naftali Bennett, on his Facebook page, responded quickly: “If there’s no Palestinian partner, we’ll seek a treaty with aliens.”
Which makes for the fantastic image above, posted by Shahaf Pelovitz on Rotter.net.
Livni is livid at the Miri Regev bill to annex, for the first time in almost half a century, yet another part of the land of Israel, the valley alongside the Jordan River.
There isn’t a single reputable military expert who doesn’t say that without control over the eastern border with Jordan, Israel might as well give back the keys and try a different location—I hear the Fiji Islands are nice year round. Here’s why:
Netanya, where I live, like Tel Aviv, is smack in the middle of the country, where the vast majority of Israelis live, where our industry and commerce are, it’s about as “green line” as they come.
Netanya is also about 6 or 7 miles from the same “green line,” which is nothing but the spot where the Jewish and Arab armies stopped fighting in 1949.
(It has no geographic significance and, for that matter, no legal significance, other than marking a vast no man’s land nicknamed “The West Bank,” which was ceded by its last legal sovereign, the British Mandate in Palestine, back in 1948. The Hashemite Kingdom was never officially recognized as its sovereign—except for the Brits, no one else in the world thought they owned it, and in 1988 it gave up whatever claim it had had over it. When it was conquered by the IDF in 1967, the IDF became its legal sovereign according to international law. Not its occupier, but its sovereign. But that’s a lot of water under the Jordan River bridge.)
If a Palestinian State should come into being, God forbid, we can expect that the Hamas will take it over in a short time, and due to its new status as a state, Israel will not be able to do bubkas about it.
That’s awful enough, ask the Jewish settlements next to that other Hamas controlled Palestinian state in Gaza.
But Israel is able to control the violence emanating from Gaza, and now, with the new regime in place in Egypt, the terror government of Hamas is limited with what it can do to us before we retaliate fiercely. We should be able to survive a “West Bank” Palestinian state as well—as long as we’re able to monitor directly the Palestinian state’s eastern border, to prevent the traffic of military hardware from Jordan—which is 80 percent Palestinian.
Take away our ability to control the eastern border and yours truly, here in Netanya, will be filing his reports from his bomb shelter, which, in our building, is also a parking garage and our Internet connection is terrible down there.
Take away our Jordan Valley and watch the same fate that befell our brothers and sisters near the Gaza Strip—a couple hundred thousands of them, give or take—become the plight of about 3 million Israelis.
That’s the fate Tzipi Livni is planning for us, and she’s becoming angrier and angrier when we refuse to lay down our necks in the nice hole below the guillotine.
Finally: The Jewish Press website is running a poll that asks “Who do you think was the most dangerous person to the Jews in 2013?” My initial response was to look for the name Benjamin Netanyahu. but, alas, for reasons of niceties and politics, our staff preferred not to insult the man quite so openly. This is why we omitted President Shimon Peres as well, in his case strictly out of respect for the title.
But the truth is that Netanyahu, or rather his choice regarding the Jordan Valley bill, when it comes up for a Knesset vote, will decide the fate of Israel for a long time. If Bibi kills the Regev bill through parliamentary maneuvering, I propose that he should be handed his spot on the list of most dangerous to the Jews, right above Obama 9who’s leading right now, with Kerry and Rouhani tied for second place).
Livni is aware that once the Regev bill passes, it could mean the end of the negotiations. the Palestinians will walk. As it is they’re having a hard time explaining to their people why the Jews should be allowed to live, never mind hold on to some of their conquered territories.
So Livni will, indeed, meet with aliens: Vulcans, Klingons, Ferengi, whatever it takes, to find a way around the fact that the vast majority of Israelis, including many who support the “2-state solution” will never give up the Jordan Valley.
Live long and prosper, Tzipora Livni.
About the Author: Yori Yanover has been a working journalist since age 17, before he enlisted and worked for Ba'Machane Nachal. Since then he has worked for Israel Shelanu, the US supplement of Yedioth, JCN18.com, USAJewish.com, Lubavitch News Service, Arutz 7 (as DJ on the high seas), and the Grand Street News. He has published Dancing and Crying, a colorful and intimate portrait of the last two years in the life of the late Lubavitch Rebbe, (in Hebrew), and two fun books in English: The Cabalist's Daughter: A Novel of Practical Messianic Redemption, and How Would God REALLY Vote.
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