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December 19, 2014 / 27 Kislev, 5775
 
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Burger Ranch Going to Ariel, Where McDonald’s Fears to Tread

Will Obama Munch at a Burger Ranch and support the settler movement? Will McDonald’s repent for boycotting Samaria? Will the Third Intifada erupt over Burger Ranch’s setting up shop in Ariel?
Burger Ranch has announced it will take up the slack left by McDonald's and will open up in Ariel, in Samaria

Burger Ranch has announced it will take up the slack left by McDonald's and will open up in Ariel, in Samaria
Photo Credit: Flash 90

Only in Israel could the location of a fast food burger hangout be a “shot heard ‘round the world” that could set off a new Arab uprising.

Or maybe Israel will be the source of a “Peace Burger.”

Burger Ranch has decided to set up a branch in Ariel after McDonald’s Israel, whose franchise is owned by a Peace Now founder Omri Padan, announced it would maintain its policy of boycotting Judea and Samaria.

“Ariel is a major city in Israel, and there is no reason for us not to have a branch there,” Eli Orgad, an owner of Burger Ranch, was quoted as saying in the Israeli newspaper Maariv. “I will open anywhere that the state of Israel has decided that its citizens are located.”

Take that, Omri Padan. Since Jews have no right to live in Judea  and Samaria, he reasons, he is not going give them the right to eat McDonald’s burgers. If they want a Big Mac, let’em go to Tel Aviv, the “real Israel” although a much smaller sandwich.

When Padan was general manager of a textile company, he informed the directors that he would quit if they dared set up a plant in Judea and Samaria, even though it would provide employment to Palestinian Authority Arabs.

The Burger Ranch move to Ariel is a double whammy for Ronald McDonald.

Yigal Delmonti, deputy director of the Yesha Council of Jewish Communities of Judea and Samaria suggested that Israelis boycott the golden arches.

Minister of the Economy Naftali Bennett promised “to come and eat the first hamburger at the [Burger Ranch] branch on the day it opens, which is expected to be next year, when a new mall in Ariel is completed.

By that time, the European Union may have gone bankrupt, which would mean the Palestinian Authority no longer would exist. Or Hezbollah may have fired rockets into northern Israel, overshooting their target and wiping out some Arab villages in Samaria.

Or maybe Abbas will have succeeded in winning official membership in the United Nations, making the Palestinian Authority a full partner in the world’s most prestigious anti-American NGO.

Or maybe the Boycott Israel movement will have collapsed. It has failed to convince people to stop eating at McDonald’s even though it is religiously observant of maintaining a distance of at least a stone’s throw from Judea and Samaria.

“McDonald’s Corporation is a major corporate partner of the Jewish United Fund and Jewish Federation,” according to one Boycott Israel site. “The Jewish United Fund also runs ‘Fun-filled Summer Family Missions to Israel’ where families get to ‘visit an army base and meet with Israeli soldiers’ and ‘visit our sister city, Kiryat Gat and see the important work we are doing there.’ Kiryat Gat is built on stolen Palestinian land – the lands of the villages of Iraq Al Manshiya and Al-Faluja whose residents were ethnically cleansed in 1949 in contravention of International Law….

“McDonald’s first restaurant in the Middle East was in Israel, opened in 1993.”

So if the Boycott Movement cannot keep people from eating Big Macs, presumably it won’t be able to keep them out of Burger Ranch.

And what if Burger Ranch serves up a new item on the menu, something like a Peace Burger?

Take two rolls, one baked in Jenin and the other in the Jewish area of Hevron. Spread hummus generously and add two slices of ground meat, one of them in the design of Abbas’ face and the other an image of Netanyahu,

Take two pieces of Gush Katif lettuce and place them between the slices of meat and then put in a third slice, a cutout of John Kerry’s face.

Now, after the proper blessing for peace,  eat the whole thing and be done with all of them.

Then we can have some peace and go back to arguing about where Obama was born.

About the Author: Tzvi Ben Gedalyahu is a graduate in journalism and economics from The George Washington University. He has worked as a cub reporter in rural Virginia and as senior copy editor for major Canadian metropolitan dailies. Tzvi wrote for Arutz Sheva for several years before joining the Jewish Press.


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14 Responses to “Burger Ranch Going to Ariel, Where McDonald’s Fears to Tread”

  1. Lisa Kamins says:

    thank you for a delightfully satirical article. it is really well done. kal hakovod!

  2. Hpela says:

    While your last five paragraphs were cleaverly composed, on the whole, isn’t the bigger picture actually no laughing matter?

    Also, is it really in the best interest of Jews to be eating at fast food restaurants, allowing businesses to operate on the Sabbath, and the like, in a land that should be held sacred in the heart of every God loving, God fearing Jew?

    Is this not actually disgraceful?

  3. Is Burger Ranch on any stock exchanges? If so, I want a bite of this burger.

  4. Don Mcglaun says:

    Commerce will prevail. And hopefully prove that peaceful coexistance is possible even in hostile areas. Way to go, Burger Ranch!!!!

  5. Robert Lehan says:

    way to go…even us who are not jewish can appreciate and enjoy this kind of humor….and I think it was KENYA

  6. That Omri Padam is not a very nice person, is he?

  7. That Omri Padam is not a very nice person, is he?

  8. Lloyd Bergner says:

    B'tay avon l'kulam.

  9. David Ifergan says:

    Perhaps a businessman/women in Israel will grab the opportunity and open a Mac-David like they did in Paris in the 70's.
    and the community in Ariel and all of Judea and Samaria will support.

  10. Menorah Seven says:

    Amen!

  11. Yochi Eisner says:

    Kol Hakavod to Burger Ranch – if I ate burgers – they would only be from Burger Ranch!

  12. Rick Sharon says:

    I will boycott Macdonalds racist policies towards Jews, wherever I roam. Racism has no place in the fast food market, and should not be tolerated.

  13. Alberto Calo says:

    Rick Sharon I join you.

  14. the land was not stolen.study the pre1967 history.

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