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December 1, 2015 / 19 Kislev, 5776
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Obama Hiring ‘Alphas’

Obama Hiring 'Alphas'

Photo Credit: Official White House Photo, kind of

President Barack Obama has begun a quiet campaign to boost the number of people with special powers, popularly known as “Alphas” for senior White House positions.

This official picture, taken during the president’s meeting with senior advisors in the Oval Office, Jan. 27, 2014, shows one of the new recruits obtaining an apple from a bowl using his kinetic abilities.

You’ll note the slight halo around the apple that’s being drawn with special powers, as the fruit is dumping excess kinetic energy.

Advisors with special abilities, such as X-ray vision and telepathy, have proven highly useful in day-to-day office operations such as lifting hard to reach files, checking out the contents of office refrigerators and checking stuff on Google when the Internet is down.

About the Author: Yori Yanover has been a working journalist since age 17, before he enlisted and worked for Ba'Machane Nachal. Since then he has worked for Israel Shelanu, the US supplement of Yedioth, JCN18.com, USAJewish.com, Lubavitch News Service, Arutz 7 (as DJ on the high seas), and the Grand Street News. He has published Dancing and Crying, a colorful and intimate portrait of the last two years in the life of the late Lubavitch Rebbe, (in Hebrew), and two fun books in English: The Cabalist's Daughter: A Novel of Practical Messianic Redemption, and How Would God REALLY Vote.

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2 Responses to “Obama Hiring ‘Alphas’”

  1. Moshe Zucker says:

    I liked that t v show

  2. I possess a few special powers of my own, but I'm more of an Epsilon than an Alpha. When I was younger, I ordered a pair of X-ray specs from the back of a comic book, and after spending every dime I had and waiting six weeks for delivery, I learned that I possessed the powers of gullibility and perversion. Such powers are not likely to save the planet though.

    In the TV show, the alphas used their powers for a greater good. In reality, alphas serve their own desires. An inflated ego is usually their super power.

    There have been times I picked up or projected thoughts to others, but it was so rare that I wouldn't rely on it. Telepathy may not be something we can cultivate, but empathy is a super-power that is really overlooked in the world today. Empaths can't be alphas though…there are too many little i's running through their thoughts for the Big I to take over. Still, the power of empaths could be used to do amazing things, like helping others and protecting the weak.

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