Lifeline,Yechezkel Chezi Goldberg

This article concludes the series dealing with smoking in yeshivas.

I thank all of the readers who wrote in on this topic, whether you are pro or con. I could dedicate this column to the smoking debate for many weeks to come, but alas, other issues are waiting to be dealt with. And so, after this week, we will "extinguish" the cigarette issue.

Dear Chezi,

Some habits are private and so, while I might find them distasteful, I don't mix in because they don't directly affect me. Smoking however, does affect me directly and I have no problem voicing my protest when someone is sending smoke signals into my face.

I don't care if someone smokes in his own home. I do care if he smokes next to me while I wait for a bus or stand in line at a pizza store. I do care if he walks by me puffing away, leaving me in a cloud of smoke.

I think we must distinguish between people who smoke privately and therefore are not hurting others in the process, and those who obnoxiously smoke with an ''In Your Face'' type of attitude.

The first type of person should be tolerated because he is not infringing on anyone else. The second type of person should be stopped.

Butt Out
Beverly Hills, CA

Dear Butt Out,

First of all, I do agree that we must distinguish between those who are private smokers and those who have made smoking in public a personal crusade.

Second of all, I agree that the private person, who smokes while alone on his own turf, is not the issue. While there are those who would like to see smoking stomped out, I don't think that is the most important priority. Those who smoke in public places force the smell and smoke on others. Furthermore, since research shows that second hand smoke is more lethal than first hand smoke, it is clearly an issue of sakonas nefashos. This is not just about one's predilection for smoking or one's revulsion of smoking. One who smokes around others is putting their health at risk.

(If anyone has verifiable information about how the gedolim have approached smoking halachically, both private smoking and smoking in public venues, please forward that information to me directly).

Thank you for contributing to this discussion.<

BR>
Chezi

Dear Chezi,

Yesterday I was standing in line waiting to buy bagels. A man walked in puffing away on a cigarette. When I politely asked him to not smoke in the store, he responded with a rude attitude.

Truthfully, I don't know if I am more upset at this man's obnoxious behavior or with the proprietor who doesn't make his store a smoke-free venue.

E.W.
Jerusalem, Israel

Dear E.W.,

Unless you are looking for smoked bagels, you need not put up with such rude behavior.

Confronting the smoker head on will get you nowhere. The key to all of this is the storeowner. Inform the store owner that unless he posts "No Smoking" signs in his store and lays down the law, you will begin buying your bagels elsewhere.

If the owner refuses to accommodate your request, then you will have to get your bagels elsewhere. Unless of course, his bagels are so great that they are incomparable. In that case, you will just have to suffer and inhale whatever smoke comes your way while you wait your turn at the counter.

Chezi

Dear Reb Chezi,

I do not smoke. I detest smoking. We never allowed it in our home. It was clear to our children that smoking was off limits in our family.

Today, my three sons do smoke.

They learned it in yeshiva. First they saw their Rebbes smoking on breaks in cheder. Then, by yeshiva ketana, their friends were doing it too.

I hold the yeshivas responsible for every cigarette that my sons smoke. They condoned it by allowing it on their premises. They could have made their yeshivas smoke free.

At the time, I felt powerless when I challenged my sons on the topic. After all, if the Rebbes do it, then smoking cannot be so bad. That is how my sons answered me at the time.

We need to make "Smoke Free Yeshivas" a number one priority.

Disappointed and Angry
Bnei Brak, Israel

Dear D and A,

Many parents express feelings similar to yours. Parents often feel helpless to fight their children's smoking habits when yeshiva staff are known smokers. It puts the parents in the awkward position of challenging the very men who are role models for the children in so many areas of their lives.

Thank you for bringing this aspect of the issue to the fore.

Chezi

Dear Chezi,

Smoking and substance abuse are connected.

I learned how to smoke in high school. All of my friends did it. It was cool to smoke. I wanted to fit in and so I learned to smoke as much as I hated the taste at first.

One day, my friends were smoking grass. I wanted to fit in. I tried it. It took my five years to reach the point where I turned myself into rehab because I was smoking everything in sight and popping pills left and right. When I retrace my life back to where it all began, I keep ending up outside the yeshiva study hall where I dragged on my first cigarette.

While I know there are many who smoke cigarettes and don't do drugs, parents and educators must be aware that for many others, there is a direct connection between their smoking habit and those other addictive habits that they pick up later.

Recovering One Day At A Time
Long Island, NY

Dear Recovering,

Keep up the work One Day At A Time.

As you so ably point out, it is often not the substance itself which is the issue, but the reasons those substances are picked up and used in the first place.

You write that you started smoking due to peer pressure and the need to fit in amongst your peers. You also write that when your social group moved onto other substances, you started using them because, once again, you wanted to fit in.

Your letter is the voice of experience. Thank you for sharing with us your understanding of teen peer pressure and smoking.

Chezi

Yechezkel Chezi Goldberg is a Jerusalem counselor. In his clinic he deals extensively as a counselor for overseas yeshiva, seminary and university students in Israel. Contact information is 972-2-58-000-41. E-mail address: cheziscorner@ yahoo.com. Postal address: 13 Noam Elimelech St., Beitar Illit 99879, Israel.

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