How Do We Cope?,Rebbetz Esther Jungreis

Special Note: I have received many inquiries from our readers as to where I will be speaking during the next few months. (While my schedule is posted on our website, hineni.org, I am also aware that not everyone has a computer available or is computer literate.) I do appreciate your interest however, since I am delighted to meet our people in various parts of the world and to share Torah with them. Should you have any friends or family in the places where I am scheduled to speak, please do alert them.

Of course, in New York, I speak twice weekly - at Kehilath Jeshurun (E. 85 and Lexington Ave., Tuesday evenings, 7:30 p.m.) and The Hineni Center (232 West End Ave., Thursday evenings, 8:30 p.m.) .The following are the communities in which I will be speaking: Feb. 13-14, Shabbaton at the Palm Beach Orthodox Synagogue; Feb. 25, St. Louis; Feb. 23, Barnes & Noble (Broadway & 82 St), Feb. 26, the 92 Street Y; March 2-4, Costa Rica; March 16-23 Paris, Antwerp, Berlin, Frankfurt, London, Budapest, Bucharest; March 24-29, programs in Jerusalem and finally, from April 7-17 (throughout the Pesach Yom Tov) I will be lecturing at the Fairmont Banff Springs Resort in the Canadian Rockies.

How Do We Cope?

Dear Rebbetzin Jungreis:

Your column is the first one I turn to when I get "The Jewish Press." Your last articles concerning the world situation and our responsibilities as Jews said it all. I cut them out and passed them on to all my friends and acquaintances, I only wish that more people could read them and take their message to heart. I am writing to you at this time with a problem that I am afraid is affecting many families - some harder than others, and unfortunately, I find myself in the latter category. I am referring to the current financial crisis.

Baruch Hashem, my husband has always been a highly successful businessman. When the market collapsed, we, like so many others, were badly hurt, but, Baruch Hashem, my husband's business kept us going, While things weren't as good as in the past, we nevertheless managed to keep ourselves afloat. But now, sadly, everything has gone into reversal and his business has also been affected. My husband had to downsize and let many of his employees go. Frankly, I don't know how long he will be able to keep the business going. With each passing day, the situation seems to go from bad to worse. It breaks my heart to see him come home with that beaten, depressed look on his face. I try to encourage him, but my words fall flat.

We have, Baruch Hashem, six children. Our oldest daughter is married with two little ones and living in Yerushalayim. Her husband, a wonderful young man, is learning, and we are supporting them. We undertook this responsibility without hesitation, since we were confident that we would have no difficulty providing for them. Who would ever have imagined that overnight, we would have such financial disasters?

Now, as if all this was not enough, we have a 19-year-old daughter who is in the shidduch parshah. She is a lovely girl with much Yiras Shamayim, and like her older sister, wants a husband who will be learning, which again, means financial support from us. This past summer she came back from a year of study in Yerushalayim. We have been in touch with shadchanim, but I am certain that you are aware, Rebbetzin, how difficult it is to find a proper shidduch nowadays.

It seems to me that there are always more good girls than good boys around, and finding the right one is no simple matter. I am fully aware that, if the boy's family finds out that the girl's parents cannot lend support, then good shidduch recommendations will disappear. So, here too, we have a dilemma.... how much to tell, how much to hold back.

When our older daughter was married, we made her a beautiful wedding, but there is no way that we can equal that now. It hurts me to think that we cannot give this child what we gave to the other. I have become such a nervous wreck. I am depressed, short tempered, and feel trapped.

It's not only our older children's support that we have to contend with, but yeshiva tuitions, camp fees etc., for the younger ones as well, not to mention our day-to-day living expenses.

My husband and I have not as yet mustered the strength to inform our daughter and son-in-law that we will not be able to continue our support, nor have we told our single daughter that we will not be able to do for her what we did for her older sister. Of course they are aware that we have financial difficulties, but they have such confidence in their father that they are convinced that somehow, as in the past, their Tatty will pull them through.

Although we've been avoiding informing them of our true predicament, my husband feels that we can no longer keep it from them. I just don't know how to tell them without causing them stress and anxiety.

Additionally, Purim is around the corner. Our Mishloach Manos list has always been huge and includes neighbors, friends, shul members, our children's teachers and my husband's business associates, etc. By the time we finish it adds up to a hefty sum and I frankly don't know how we will do it this year.

As I already mentioned I'm very worried about my husband. He looks terrible...comes home late at night and leaves early in the morning. He has high blood pressure and all the stress he is experiencing is not doing him any good. For a while, we thought that even if the business folded, we'd be okay, since my husband and a friend invested in a major real estate project that was supposed to be a sure thing. Unfortunately however, that too collapsed, they couldn't get the necessary financing and everything that my husband invested was lost.

As I said, we have been trying to shield our children from learning how precarious our situation has become, but I don't know how long we can continue this charade. I've thought about getting a job to help out, but I have always been one of those stay-at-home moms, and I wouldn't even know where to begin. So as you can see, the whole situation is very frightening. I really don't know why I am writing to you. I realize that this is not an area in which you or any other human being can help. Only Hashem can help us get out of this one!

Still, I thought that I would unburden myself to you because your books, your columns, and your entire person have been such a powerful source of inspiration and strength, not only to me, but also to Klal Yisroel.

I have no objection if you wish to publish my letter, since I know that unfortunately, many people are finding themselves in the same situation, but please omit my name. I wish you much hatzlachah in your outstanding work.

A Committed Reader In Need of Chizuk - Strength

Read Comments (1)

Be strong and hope in Hashem
Date 02:02, 02-18, 09

Just want to express my empathy for this good wife and mother, and may Hashem resolve all your problems and give you and your family a good, honorable Parnassah and good health and happiness.