web analytics
March 30, 2015 / 10 Nisan, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


Once More Into The Shidduch Crisis

book-end-the-madness

End the Madness: Guide to the Shidduch World

Chananya Weissman

Kodesh Press

 

Chananya Weissman wrote End the Madness as though he were in a one-to-one conversation with each reader. This approach guarantees a lively reading experience as his personality comes through on every page. He is intelligent, caring, knowledgeable, original, and has a sense of humor. He knows the foibles of the observant community. He delineates all the ways we hurt single young adults with poor advice, arbitrary rules that impede a natural, non-pressured meeting of a man and woman, and a shidduch “system” that is no system at all and hurts innocent people who trust it.

In the KAJ community in Washington Heights older members recall the arrangement of seating at shalosh seudos in the ‘40s and ‘50s; young men sat on one side of long rectangular tables, young women on the other side. They listened to a d’var Torah from Rav Breuer, but also had the opportunity to chat among themselves. A number of marriages resulted from these casual meetings.

People who remember life in Europe before WWII report that a wedding or a sheva brachos (in Latvia and Lithuania; I don’t know what the customs were in other countries) was considered the perfect setting for young people to meet. The guests were relatives and friends of the bride and groom, a carefully chosen group. The tables were rectangular, to enable conversation to flow more readily than it would at circular tables. What could be better than one wedding leading to another?

But we now have obstacles that prevent these happy occurrences. Young people returning from a year or years of Torah learning in Israel are warned by their teachers to avoid co-ed gatherings. At the same time they are told to do their hishtadlus, endeavors, making an effort, while having bitachon, trust in Hashem. Weissman’s analysis of the confusion involved here is masterful, and an appropriate ending in the final appendix of his book.

Of course it is disingenuous to tell a person from a non-rabbinic, non-rosh yeshiva home to make an effort. The rosh yeshiva and his wife, the head of a seminary and her husband, call each other to ask for a recommendation of a match for a son or daughter. What exactly should the non-connected young people and their parents do?

Read Weissman’s Chapter 6 in “The Solution” half of the book, and sign up for his thoughtful site, www.hotkiddush.com/signup.php. It combines the virtues of meeting at a kiddush where a select group has been invited, and the possibility of meeting many new people. Here he fulfills the promise of his cover illustration: instead of being on a roller coaster headed nowhere, one can grab the parachute of his book and eventually proceed to the chuppah.

But there is one large caveat: Weissman is angry that single women receive sympathetic attention, while a man who is in his thirties and not married is regarded with suspicion or worse. His diatribe against single women shows no understanding of the difficulties that they, like single men, face. Chapter 6 in “The Problem” portion of the book, and pages 189 through 205 in the Appendix, are full of negative opinions and totally differ in tone from the rest of the book.

But despite this, Chananya Weissman’s intentions are good, his proposals are excellent, and our concerned community must pay attention.

About the Author: Dr. Rivkah Blau is the author of “Learn Torah, Love Torah, Live Torah,” a biography of Rav Mordechai Pinchas Teitz; the Hebrew translation is entitled “V’Samachta B’Chayekha."


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Once More Into The Shidduch Crisis”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
Bibi and Obama: Head to Head
Obama Declares War on Israel
Latest Sections Stories
Neuman-Rabbi-M-Gary

Are we allowed to lie for shalom bayis? It would seem so, but what might be a healthy guideline for when it’s okay and when it’s not?

book-To-Fill-The-Sky-With-Stars

The connection between what I experienced as a high school teenager and the adult I am today did not come easy to me.

Respler-032715

Isn’t therapy about being yourself; aren’t there different ways for people to communicate with each other?

South-Florida-logo

Jack was awarded a blue and gold first-place trophy, appropriately topped off with a golden bee.

Participating in ManiCures during the school day may feel like a break from learning, but the intended message to the students was loud and clear. Learning and chesed come in all forms, and can be fun.

Building campaign chairman Jack Gluck has led the effort over many years.

When using an extension cord always make sure to use the correct rated extension cord.

There was no question that when Mrs. Cohen entered the room to meet the teacher she was hostile from the outset.

Szold was among the founders and leaders (she served on its executive committee) of Ichud (“Unity”), a political group that campaigned against the creation of an independent, sovereign Jewish state in Eretz Yisrael.

My friend is a strong and capable Jewish woman, but she acted with a passivity that seemed out of character.

“If you don’t stand straight, you’ll never get a husband.”

First, sit down with your helpers and a pen and paper and break the jobs down into small parts.

More Articles from Dr. Rivkah Blau
Rav Yosef Rosen, the Rogatchover Gaon

His phenomenal memory encompassed the Written Torah, the Babylonian and Jerusalem Talmud, and all the major commentaries.

book-diversity-divine

For each weekly reading, Rabbi Grysman begins with a synopsis of the Torah portion, followed by a focus on a major issue.

Of course it is disingenuous to tell a person from a non-rabbinic, non-rosh yeshiva home to make an effort.

When I give this book, the parents look at the gold Caldecott Medal on the front cover and smile, but look up quizzically – a book for a newborn?

Determination is now being studied by educators and psychologists who want to understand why some people born with every gift do not achieve a meaningful adulthood, while others born into a challenging existence rise above their beginnings to enjoy accomplished lives.

I had heard singing from across the street several times at the end of Shabbos but hadn’t realized the singing was a prelude to Havdalah.

“Radical,” from the Latin word for “root,” means going to the foundation. The foundation is what we have to think about when celebrating a simcha. Instead of peripheral concerns – photographing the proceedings, for example – we should attend to the meaning of the event.

You can tell Rabbi Yossy Goldman’s book From Where I Stand: Life Messages from the Weekly Torah Reading by its covers. The front cover is a photograph of a rabbi in a shul that is full of light.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/books/book-reviews/once-more-into-the-shidduch-crisis/2014/07/09/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: