web analytics
July 25, 2014 / 27 Tammuz, 5774
Israel at War: Operation Protective Edge
 
 
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
IDC Advocacy Room IDC Fights War on Another Front

Student Union opens ‘hasbara’ room in effort to fill public diplomacy vacuum.



Once More Into The Shidduch Crisis

book-end-the-madness

End the Madness: Guide to the Shidduch World

Chananya Weissman

Kodesh Press

 

Chananya Weissman wrote End the Madness as though he were in a one-to-one conversation with each reader. This approach guarantees a lively reading experience as his personality comes through on every page. He is intelligent, caring, knowledgeable, original, and has a sense of humor. He knows the foibles of the observant community. He delineates all the ways we hurt single young adults with poor advice, arbitrary rules that impede a natural, non-pressured meeting of a man and woman, and a shidduch “system” that is no system at all and hurts innocent people who trust it.

In the KAJ community in Washington Heights older members recall the arrangement of seating at shalosh seudos in the ‘40s and ‘50s; young men sat on one side of long rectangular tables, young women on the other side. They listened to a d’var Torah from Rav Breuer, but also had the opportunity to chat among themselves. A number of marriages resulted from these casual meetings.

People who remember life in Europe before WWII report that a wedding or a sheva brachos (in Latvia and Lithuania; I don’t know what the customs were in other countries) was considered the perfect setting for young people to meet. The guests were relatives and friends of the bride and groom, a carefully chosen group. The tables were rectangular, to enable conversation to flow more readily than it would at circular tables. What could be better than one wedding leading to another?

But we now have obstacles that prevent these happy occurrences. Young people returning from a year or years of Torah learning in Israel are warned by their teachers to avoid co-ed gatherings. At the same time they are told to do their hishtadlus, endeavors, making an effort, while having bitachon, trust in Hashem. Weissman’s analysis of the confusion involved here is masterful, and an appropriate ending in the final appendix of his book.

Of course it is disingenuous to tell a person from a non-rabbinic, non-rosh yeshiva home to make an effort. The rosh yeshiva and his wife, the head of a seminary and her husband, call each other to ask for a recommendation of a match for a son or daughter. What exactly should the non-connected young people and their parents do?

Read Weissman’s Chapter 6 in “The Solution” half of the book, and sign up for his thoughtful site, www.hotkiddush.com/signup.php. It combines the virtues of meeting at a kiddush where a select group has been invited, and the possibility of meeting many new people. Here he fulfills the promise of his cover illustration: instead of being on a roller coaster headed nowhere, one can grab the parachute of his book and eventually proceed to the chuppah.

But there is one large caveat: Weissman is angry that single women receive sympathetic attention, while a man who is in his thirties and not married is regarded with suspicion or worse. His diatribe against single women shows no understanding of the difficulties that they, like single men, face. Chapter 6 in “The Problem” portion of the book, and pages 189 through 205 in the Appendix, are full of negative opinions and totally differ in tone from the rest of the book.

But despite this, Chananya Weissman’s intentions are good, his proposals are excellent, and our concerned community must pay attention.

About the Author: Dr. Rivkah Teitz Blau is a professor of English, an author, and a lecturer. She edited the volume on "Gender Relationships in Marriage and Out" for the Orthodox Forum.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

Please use the Facebook Tab below to leave your comment:

No comments yet (Click to Comment)

No Responses to “Once More Into The Shidduch Crisis”

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Loading Facebook Comments ...
Loading Disqus Comments ...
Current Top Story
cease fire!
Ceasefire Talks Again
Latest Sections Stories
WC-072514-TCLA

“You Touro graduates are automatically soldiers in [Israel’s] struggle, and we count on you,” Rothstein told the graduates.

A-Night-Out-logo

The lemonana was something else. Never had we seen a green drink look so enticing.

Singer-072514

On his marriage, he wrote: “This is what I believe: something of the core, of the essence of this meaningful and life-affirming Judaism will not be absent from our home” (1882).

With the recent kidnapping by the Hamas and the barbaric murder of three children – Gilad Shaar, Eyal Yifrach and Naftali Frankel, we believe that the best answer to honor the memory of those murdered is to continue building those very communities – large and small – that our enemies are trying to destroy.

Written entirely through Frayda’s eyes, the reader is drawn by her unassuming personality.

Adopting an ancient exegetical approach that is based on midrashic readings of the text, thematic connections that span between various books of the Bible are revealed.

While Lipman comes from an ultra-Orthodox background and is an Orthodox rabbi, he offers a breath of fresh air when he suggests that “polarization caused by extremism and isolationism in the religious community may be the greatest internal threat to the future of the Jewish people”

The Joys of Yiddish, Leo Rosten defines a mentch as “someone to admire and emulate, someone of noble character.”

Certainly today’s communication via e-mail, Facebook, Twitter and the like, including the ubiquitous Whatsapp, has reduced the need to talk with people and communicate at length.

These two special women utilized their incredibly painful experience as an opportunity to assist others.

Maybe we don’t have to lose that growth and unity that we have achieved, especially with the situation in Eretz Yisrael right now.

Sleepily, I watched him kissing Mai’s chubby thighs.

I have always insisted that everything that happens to anyone or anything is min Shamayim.

More Articles from Dr. Rivkah Blau
book-end-the-madness

Of course it is disingenuous to tell a person from a non-rabbinic, non-rosh yeshiva home to make an effort.

Officer-Buckle-062014

When I give this book, the parents look at the gold Caldecott Medal on the front cover and smile, but look up quizzically – a book for a newborn?

Determination is now being studied by educators and psychologists who want to understand why some people born with every gift do not achieve a meaningful adulthood, while others born into a challenging existence rise above their beginnings to enjoy accomplished lives.

“Radical,” from the Latin word for “root,” means going to the foundation. The foundation is what we have to think about when celebrating a simcha. Instead of peripheral concerns – photographing the proceedings, for example – we should attend to the meaning of the event.

A writer of non-fiction for the general community has to know the topic well; a writer for the observant Jewish community has an additional requirement – to understand that Jewish law, halacha, informs our decisions and actions.

Title: Biblical Beauty: Ancient Secrets and Modern Solutions
Author: Rachelle Weisberger
Publisher: Anbern Press

“Rabbi, did you ever think you would see this day?”

It was 1971, and the university official who asked this question was inviting the rabbi to the dedication of the kosher dining room in Stevenson Hall on the campus of Princeton University.

    Latest Poll

    Do you think the FAA ban on US flights to Israel is political?






    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/books/book-reviews/once-more-into-the-shidduch-crisis/2014/07/09/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: