web analytics
February 28, 2015 / 9 Adar , 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


Toward Marital Bliss

Adahan-062014

I Thought It Would Be Different
By Dr. Miriam Adahan and T.E. Klein
Feldheim

 

Dr. Miriam Adahan and T.E. Klein have authored a book which should be required reading for marriage-minded singles and for any couple experiencing difficulties in their marriage.

I Thought It Would Be Different follows three women in difficult marriages. Rina is married to a type 1 spouse, Mimi is married to a type 2, and Chani is married to a type 3. All three women are observant Jews and educated professionals.

What are these three types all about?

The type 1 personality is the ostensibly “nice guy” who is passively hostile, yet actually aggressive, irresponsible, non-communicative and indifferent.

The type 2 personality is the possessive, domineering person who controls and monitors, criticizing the smallest action.

The type 3 personality seems superficially charismatic and charming but is actually cruel. Each type is abusive in his own particular way. Even when these men do something nice, like buying something for the wife/kids, it’s what he wants and not what they asked for or need. Many times it is something the wife doesn’t even like.

The true situations presented are either the same or variations of the same theme, but the behavior of all three spouses, while different, all falls into the category of abuse. Only one of the three women is physically abused, but all of them suffer emotional and mental abuse at the hands of their husbands. (The authors note that abusive personalities can also be found among women, but in this book they focus on abusive husbands).

Most significantly, we read of the warning signals that all the women experienced during their courtships and the excuses they made at that time. Abusive men are usually on their best behavior before marriage. But they do provide clues. However, the woman keeps doubting what she is seeing and may even attribute a positive reason for the negative actions. Years later the woman will remember these early warning signs and realize that she denied them at the time. The authors are quick to point out that many people might exhibit some negative traits both before and after marriage. There are many caring men who want to be sensitive but don’t know how. These men should not be confused with the truly abusive types, even though some behavior may appear similar. The book explains the differences between a healthy adult and one who is abusive.

Among the many chapters is one on Recognizing abuse and Early Warning signs. The chapter on living with violence describes the destructive sequence of living with a physically violent spouse. It is much easier to recognize someone who is consistently nasty as abusive rather than someone who can be very nice one minute and then turn on you the next. This can account for the fact that some men are highly regarded outside the home – “the nicest man in shul” and “the friendliest guy at work” – but at home he turns into an insulting, demeaning, possibly violent Jekyll and Hyde.

Suggestions are offered which may work for some people, such as making clear very early in the relationship that some things will not be tolerated and that clear boundaries must be established. This can work in some of the cases described. A few resources are offered at the end of the book.

The goal of the authors is to give insight to family and friends of those suffering abuse and to help those experiencing abuse to overcome their depression and to remember that they are valuable human beings with much to give.

About the Author: Naomi Klass Mauer is associate publisher of The Jewish Press.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

2 Responses to “Toward Marital Bliss”

  1. Look like a good book for young girls

  2. Melody Rae says:

    Too bad you can not give them a truth shot, before hand, that way your not wasting all you time.

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
18,000 Iranian Centrifuges
Reducing Iran’s Number of Centrifuges Makes a Bomb More Likely
Latest Sections Stories
Niehaus-022715

One should not give the money before Purim morning or after sunset.

Mendlowitz-022715-Basket

The mishloach manos of times gone by were sometimes simple and sometimes elaborate, but the main focus was on the preparation of the delicious food they contained.

Astaire-022715-Countryside

One of the earliest special Purims we have on record was celebrated by the Jews of Granada and Shmuel HaNagid, the eleventh-century rav, poet, soldier and statesman, and one of the most influential Jews in Muslim Spain.

South-Florida-logo

Jews, wake up! Stop educating the world and start educating yourselves.

The lessons conform to the sensitivities and needs of the Orthodox community…

The program took on special significance as it marked not only the first anniversary of Rebbetzin Kudan’s levayah but also the 27th yahrzeit of Rebbetzin Chaya Mushka Schneerson, a”h.

It captures the love of the Jewish soul as only Shlomo Hamelech could portray it – and as only Rabbi Miller could explain it.

Erudite and academic, drawing from ancient and modern sources, the book can be discussed at the Shabbos table as well as in kollel.

I’m here to sit next to you and help you through this Purim with three almost-too-easy mishloach manot ideas, all made with cost-conscious paper bags.

Kids want to be like their friends, and they want to give and get “normal” mishloach manos stocked with store-bought treats.

Whenever he did anything loving for me, I made a big deal about it.

“OMG, it’s so cute, you’re so cute, everything is so cute.”

A program that started with a handful of volunteers has grown exponentially to include students from a wider array of backgrounds.

Tutor. Counselor. The doctor too,
Sometimes it’s hard to keep up with you.

More Articles from Naomi Klass Mauer
Kalman Samuels

Shalva founders, the Samuels understood that special-needs children and their families needed more

Naomi-010215-Memories

Dr. Faier passed away in 2009, leaving two manuscripts. The first, A Day is a Thousand Years: Human Destiny and the Jewish People, was published posthumously in 2012.

You children will build the country and you will help restore Israel to her former glory.

Presented by the Destiny Foundation and the Young Israel of Flatbush.

“What we are seeing here in New York today is not an artistic expression that challenges the limits of morality, but a moral deformity that challenges the limits of the art.

We started The Jewish Press. Arnie was an integral part of the paper.

Home is Milwaukee where their congregation, Beth Jehudah, and community always await their return.

After they saw what happened in Gush Katif in 2005, they understood Judea and Samaria could well be next.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/books/book-reviews/toward-marital-bliss/2014/06/19/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: