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July 29, 2014 / 2 Av, 5774
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Road To Recovery

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It is perfectly normal for your daughter to call complaining from rehab. Rehabilitation requires hard work. Hard work that will be rewarding, but difficult nonetheless.

Also, your daughter is used to manipulating you and consistently having you fix things for her. You shouldn’t worry Mom. She is in good hands. They are taking good care of her, feeding her, teaching her how to interact with others, as well as social and conflict resolution skills.

When she calls, hear her out, show her empathy and then ask, “So, what do you think you can do to resolve this issue?”

In the beginning, she will try to defer to you and your maternal advice. However, for right now the best advice is to re-direct her to work through the issues on her own. This will be a long and arduous process for you both, but one with worthwhile results.

In the meantime, take full advantage of the tranquility, and start taking care of yourself. You deserve it!

Brocha

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More Articles from Brocha Silverstein
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I feel so much shame about my disease and the pain I have caused my family and friends. I am trying to make things better now, and hopefully I will be able to beat this disease for good. As they say in the meetings: “One day at a time!”

Battling-Addictions-logo

Dear Brocha,

Hello! My name is Dovid* and I am a Gambling Addict. I am 37 years old, with bli ayin hara, three wonderful children, and a special wife who is the source of my strength and recovery.

Dear Brocha,

Thank you so much for your column and for shining light on this matter.

Addiction has been gnawing at the souls of our community for a long time. Yet, it still remains a disease that is swept under the table.

Dear Brocha,

As I write this letter I am overcome with emotions. Relief, fear, trepidation, elation…the feelings are all jumbled up inside of me.

Please allow me to back track.

My daughter, who recently turned 20, just left to rehab. After four years of denial, lies, manipulation, anger and chaos she finally admitted she has a problem with alcohol.

Dear Brocha,…

Today, I am a father of six bochurim b”ah. While I love and appreciate all of my children, unfortunately the Yomim Tovim aren’t filled with the good memories as in the days of yore. You see, one of my sons got involved with the wrong crowd, and at 16 he looks forward to Shabbos and Yom Tov as simply another opportunity to drink. Now that Sukkos is almost upon us, instead of joyfully anticipating, I am cautiously fearful about what Simchas Torah will bring.

Dear Brocha,

I am married for 5 years and am unsure how to proceed with my husband and his behavior. Our religion incorporates alcohol throughout the year and during life cycle events. Purim, Pesach, bar mitzvahs, weddings and every Shabbos kiddush (not to mention the kiddush club) all seemingly require alcohol as an integral and necessary ingredient. For my husband, it seems like there is always a “good reason” to make a l’chayim.

Dear Brocha,

Thank you so much for being brave enough to share your story. I am getting chizuk just from reading about your journey. I know my husband and I need to go to a meeting, and we will. Let me tell you my story:

After listening with an empathetic ear for about an hour, he asked me if I went to Nar-Anon meetings. “Me?!” I responded. “Maybe the Rabbi didn’t understand me. I’m not the one who needs help! I’m here seeking how to fix my addict!” “Well,” he replied softly, “You need to go to the meetings. It […]

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