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August 23, 2014 / 27 Av, 5774
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Road To Recovery

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While I am unaware of the nature of your son’s death and the events surrounding it, it is apparent that your daughter was also affected by it.

As you are well aware, your wife’s drug addiction has not only impacted you and your marriage, it has had a profound effect on your children. Children naturally look to their parents as a source of stability and comfort. The drugs robbed your daughter of these qualities in her mother.

Before being able to heal, your daughter needs you to understand that fact. As an adult you are able to trust and forgive your wife more freely based on your previous experience and relationship. However, your daughter has been deeply hurt and will need time to renew her relationship with her mother.

She needs to learn to be able to trust her again. She needs to re-develop a relationship with her “real mother’ and this will take time. Recovery for your wife is a life long journey. When she comes back home, there will be ample and adequate time for mother and daughter to re-develop and renew their relationship. As she goes through the twelve steps of recovery, she will learn about making amends to those whom she hurt.

Based on my experience, true remorse and regret is usually met with acceptance and love even if it takes some time.

While I do believe your daughter would benefit greatly from participating in the family weekend, conversely, if she is forced to attend she won’t be open to learn all they have to offer and might grow to reject and resent the process.

Your daughter needs your unconditional love and support right now.

Invest in her needs and may you be zoche to reap the fruits of your labor.

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One Response to “Road To Recovery”

  1. This comment is not closely related to yours except that it deals with mental health.
    and that an advertisement for JONAH is on this and every page of the Jewish Press.

    JONAH has been sued for fraudulently taking money from parents of patients that they told they can cure from gay to straight. Instead they got therapy that involved sexual abuse. The founder of JONAH, Arthur Goldberg, has already been found guilty of fraud and was disbarred on unrelated matters.

    Last Thursday, the RCA has changed it's policy on JONAH no longer recommending iJONAH. The basis of that action was that the therapy was quackery and not therapy.

    The RCA also complained about unethical practices at JONAH using the Rabbinical Councils name on its website without permission.

    The Jewish Press has shielded JONAH from the bad publicity of these two major stories (the first story was featured on CNN with Wolf Blitzer). It should reconsider this silence, if not it's advertising JONAH.

    Certainly Jewish readers need to be informed as these therapies have been known to result in mental deterioration and suicides.

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I feel so much shame about my disease and the pain I have caused my family and friends. I am trying to make things better now, and hopefully I will be able to beat this disease for good. As they say in the meetings: “One day at a time!”

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Dear Brocha,

Hello! My name is Dovid* and I am a Gambling Addict. I am 37 years old, with bli ayin hara, three wonderful children, and a special wife who is the source of my strength and recovery.

Dear Brocha,

Thank you so much for your column and for shining light on this matter.

Addiction has been gnawing at the souls of our community for a long time. Yet, it still remains a disease that is swept under the table.

Dear Brocha,

As I write this letter I am overcome with emotions. Relief, fear, trepidation, elation…the feelings are all jumbled up inside of me.

Please allow me to back track.

My daughter, who recently turned 20, just left to rehab. After four years of denial, lies, manipulation, anger and chaos she finally admitted she has a problem with alcohol.

Dear Brocha,…

Today, I am a father of six bochurim b”ah. While I love and appreciate all of my children, unfortunately the Yomim Tovim aren’t filled with the good memories as in the days of yore. You see, one of my sons got involved with the wrong crowd, and at 16 he looks forward to Shabbos and Yom Tov as simply another opportunity to drink. Now that Sukkos is almost upon us, instead of joyfully anticipating, I am cautiously fearful about what Simchas Torah will bring.

Dear Brocha,

I am married for 5 years and am unsure how to proceed with my husband and his behavior. Our religion incorporates alcohol throughout the year and during life cycle events. Purim, Pesach, bar mitzvahs, weddings and every Shabbos kiddush (not to mention the kiddush club) all seemingly require alcohol as an integral and necessary ingredient. For my husband, it seems like there is always a “good reason” to make a l’chayim.

Dear Brocha,

Thank you so much for being brave enough to share your story. I am getting chizuk just from reading about your journey. I know my husband and I need to go to a meeting, and we will. Let me tell you my story:

After listening with an empathetic ear for about an hour, he asked me if I went to Nar-Anon meetings. “Me?!” I responded. “Maybe the Rabbi didn’t understand me. I’m not the one who needs help! I’m here seeking how to fix my addict!” “Well,” he replied softly, “You need to go to the meetings. It […]

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