Our G-d is a forgiving one and patiently awaits our return to Him. You can speak to G-d without a Talmud; He reads your thoughts and understands your heart. Rest assured that you can speak to Him in your own words. Certainly you recall the Shema prayer. Say it in the morning and recite it before you go to sleep every night.
I have written to a Chabad Rabbi in your vicinity who hopefully will be in touch with you and will be able to guide and help you with your provisions for your final journey. From the depth of my being I wish you serenity of heart and an inner sense of peace. I hope I have offered you at least a small measure of comfort.
May Hashem’s love and compassion comfort you, and may He alleviate both your physical and emotional distress.
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