web analytics
October 23, 2014 / 29 Tishri, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Meir Panim with Soldiers 5774 Roundup: Year of Relief and Service for Israel’s Needy

Meir Panim implements programs that serve Israel’s neediest populations with respect and dignity. Meir Panim also coordinated care packages for families in the South during the Gaza War.



Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 4/11/08

By:

Chronicles-logo

We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories by e-mail to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 338 Third Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11215.

To all women, men or children who feel that they are at the end of their ropes, please consider joining a support group, or forming one.

Anyone wishing to make a contribution to help agunot, please send your tax deductible contribution to The Jewish Press Foundation.

Checks must be clearly specified to help agunot. Please make sure to include that information if that is the purpose of your contribution, because this is just one of the many worthwhile causes helped by this foundation.

* * * * * * * * * *

Dear Rachel,

We are a couple of five years and have two beautiful children together. As a husband, I try my best to please my wife and take into consideration all of her complaints by actually attempting to deal with them realistically.

Our intimate life is great, and I do everything in my power to please her. She, on the other hand, finds herself hating me at all times. She does not seem to know why or where her hatred of me comes from; she just wants to leave everything and run away.

I don’t want to lose our family. I am happy and am constantly working on myself. She is very jealous if I want to have friends, even though they are married and religious. If I am out with a friend, she thinks that I am running away from her.

Basically, what would you suggest for a person who does not know how to forgive and forget following any argument? We fight all the time, and it is maddening to me how she is always saying she hates me.

She cannot seem to accept that life has its ups and downs; she is always looking at other couples and saying how much happier they are.

Thanks for your work.

At a loss

Dear Loss,

It is difficult to begin answering your letter. Frankly, I am at a loss. Besides containing little information, your allegations are somewhat confusing.

You indicate that your wife has many complaints, and yet you are baffled by her glum attitude. You claim to have a “great” intimate life − while admitting that your partner is constantly expressing her dislike of you, to put it mildly. How does this translate to a great anything, unless it is simply your self-gratification that is ‘great’?

“Hate” is a very strong word. One tends to wonder whether it is a limited vocabulary that prompts you to toss it about so haphazardly (English is obviously not your first language as your letter required much emending), or whether hostility actually exists as a virulent force between the two of you.

Your wife must be exceedingly miserable if she indeed longs to run away from it all. But that may not necessarily be a reflection on you as a husband. She may have unresolved issues that she brought with her into the marriage, or she may be grappling with mental depression that may have been triggered by post-natal depression. (Your letter offers no clue as to when all these problems began.)

You say you “fight all the time,” yet you would like her to get over it − as in “to forgive and forget.” How exactly does that work? When is there time to get over anything if it is constantly in your face?

Forgive me for saying so, but your way of thinking is unrealistic. Regardless of the source of your wife’s discontent, how can you be “happy” under such disturbing circumstances? You may be of a different temperament (easy-going versus high-strung) and less demanding in general, but with the constant bickering and expressions of hatred flung in your direction all the time, your happiness can only be described as delusional.

While no one, including your wife, can assume the level of other couples’ contentment or good fortune, each partner in a marriage has the obligation to give his/her all to the relationship they knowingly and consciously committed to. If things get out of hand, as they obviously have in your case, seeking professional counseling should be a high priority.

Your desire to save your marriage and to work on yourself is most commendable. But, as you well concede, your methods have failed. If your intentions are true and your heart is in the right place, do the right thing and make an appointment to see a trained marriage counselor immediately. The survival of your marriage is at stake − left as is, it can spell disaster for all of you.

With proper intervention, there is a chance of setting things on the right track.

I wish you much hatzlachah in achieving a peaceful and loving co-existence with your life partner.

About the Author: We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories via email to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 4915 16th Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11204. If you wish to make a contribution and help agunot, your tax-deductible donation should be sent to The Jewish Press Foundation. Please make sure to specify that it is to help agunot, as the foundation supports many worthwhile causes.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 4/11/08”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Arabs burn tires in Shuafat neighborhood of Jerusalem.
Arab Violence in Jerusalem Forces Police to Return Law and Order
Latest Sections Stories

It is important for a therapist to focus on a person’s strengths as a way of overcoming his or her difficulties.

Sadly, there are mothers who, due to severe depression are unable or unwilling to prepare nourishing food for their children.

Michal had never been away from home. And now, she was going so far away, for so long – an entire year!

Though if you do have a schach mat, you’ll realize that it cannot actually support the weight of the water.

Social disabilities occur at many levels, but experts identify three different areas of learning and behavior that are most common for children who struggle to create lasting social connections.

Sukkot is an eternal time of joy, and if we are worthy, of plenty.

Two of our brothers, Jonathan Pollard and Alan Gross, sit in the pit of captivity. We have a mandate to see that they are freed.

Chabad of South Broward has 15 Chabad Houses in ten cities.

Victor Center works in partnership with healthcare professionals, clergy, and the community to sponsor education programs and college campus out reach.

So just in case you’re stuck in the house this Chol HaMoed – because there’s a new baby or because someone has a cold – not because of anything worse, here are six ideas for family fun at home.

We are told that someone who says that God’s mercy extends to a bird’s nest should be silenced.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/chronicles-of-crises/chronicles-of-crises-in-our-communities-100/2008/04/09/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: