web analytics
May 23, 2013 /14 Sivan, 5773
At a Glance ▼
Sections
Sponsored Post
The Tosfos Yomtov was convinced that the death of 300,000 –600,000 Jews during the Chmielnicki massacres of 1648-49 were because of improper Tefila. Communicated: Tefilla

Chillul Tefila Bifarhesia, as well as halachicly challenged verbiage and dress, are external manifestations of a critical lack of personal yiras shomayim which has lethal consequences.



Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 4/11/08

By:

Latest update: April 2nd, 2012
tell a friend
Chronicles-logo

We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories by e-mail to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 338 Third Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11215.

To all women, men or children who feel that they are at the end of their ropes, please consider joining a support group, or forming one.

Anyone wishing to make a contribution to help agunot, please send your tax deductible contribution to The Jewish Press Foundation.

Checks must be clearly specified to help agunot. Please make sure to include that information if that is the purpose of your contribution, because this is just one of the many worthwhile causes helped by this foundation.

* * * * * * * * * *

Dear Rachel,

We are a couple of five years and have two beautiful children together. As a husband, I try my best to please my wife and take into consideration all of her complaints by actually attempting to deal with them realistically.

Our intimate life is great, and I do everything in my power to please her. She, on the other hand, finds herself hating me at all times. She does not seem to know why or where her hatred of me comes from; she just wants to leave everything and run away.

I don’t want to lose our family. I am happy and am constantly working on myself. She is very jealous if I want to have friends, even though they are married and religious. If I am out with a friend, she thinks that I am running away from her.

Basically, what would you suggest for a person who does not know how to forgive and forget following any argument? We fight all the time, and it is maddening to me how she is always saying she hates me.

She cannot seem to accept that life has its ups and downs; she is always looking at other couples and saying how much happier they are.

Thanks for your work.

At a loss

Dear Loss,

It is difficult to begin answering your letter. Frankly, I am at a loss. Besides containing little information, your allegations are somewhat confusing.

You indicate that your wife has many complaints, and yet you are baffled by her glum attitude. You claim to have a “great” intimate life − while admitting that your partner is constantly expressing her dislike of you, to put it mildly. How does this translate to a great anything, unless it is simply your self-gratification that is ‘great’?

“Hate” is a very strong word. One tends to wonder whether it is a limited vocabulary that prompts you to toss it about so haphazardly (English is obviously not your first language as your letter required much emending), or whether hostility actually exists as a virulent force between the two of you.

Your wife must be exceedingly miserable if she indeed longs to run away from it all. But that may not necessarily be a reflection on you as a husband. She may have unresolved issues that she brought with her into the marriage, or she may be grappling with mental depression that may have been triggered by post-natal depression. (Your letter offers no clue as to when all these problems began.)

You say you “fight all the time,” yet you would like her to get over it − as in “to forgive and forget.” How exactly does that work? When is there time to get over anything if it is constantly in your face?

Forgive me for saying so, but your way of thinking is unrealistic. Regardless of the source of your wife’s discontent, how can you be “happy” under such disturbing circumstances? You may be of a different temperament (easy-going versus high-strung) and less demanding in general, but with the constant bickering and expressions of hatred flung in your direction all the time, your happiness can only be described as delusional.

While no one, including your wife, can assume the level of other couples’ contentment or good fortune, each partner in a marriage has the obligation to give his/her all to the relationship they knowingly and consciously committed to. If things get out of hand, as they obviously have in your case, seeking professional counseling should be a high priority.

Your desire to save your marriage and to work on yourself is most commendable. But, as you well concede, your methods have failed. If your intentions are true and your heart is in the right place, do the right thing and make an appointment to see a trained marriage counselor immediately. The survival of your marriage is at stake − left as is, it can spell disaster for all of you.

With proper intervention, there is a chance of setting things on the right track.

I wish you much hatzlachah in achieving a peaceful and loving co-existence with your life partner.

tell a friend

About the Author: We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories via email to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 4915 16th Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11204. If you wish to make a contribution and help agunot, your tax-deductible donation should be sent to The Jewish Press Foundation. Please make sure to specify that it is to help agunot, as the foundation supports many worthwhile causes.


You might also be interested in:


no comments

You must log in to post a comment.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Minister Yaakov Perry, (Yesh Atid, on the left), with Minister Limor Livnat, (Likud, second from left) visit Haredi soldiers serving in the Israeli Air Force, April 23, 2013.
Perry Committee Haredi Recruitment Plan: Sanctions on Draft Dodgers
Latest Sections Stories
Respler-052413
Sections → Family → Marriage and Relationships

Dear Dr. Yael:

Do you really believe that the Internet is the reason why the divorce rate is so high among young couples? This may be so in some cases, but what about the fact that many singles are pressured to get married at a young age despite not having any idea what they are looking for in a mate? And add to that the fact that many are pressured to make a decision about marriage after dating for a very short period of time.

Neuman-Rabbi-M-Gary
Sections → Family → Marriage and Relationships

From the moment they stand under the chuppah, newlyweds have two years to enjoy the special bliss that new love brings. This new finding, reported by the New York Times, is based on a study undertaken by American and European researchers. 1,761 people who got married and stayed married over 15 years were followed. The research shows that after two years the couples moved into a more companionable state in their relationships.

Schonfeld-logo1
Sections → Family → Parenting Our Children

Shel Silverstein’s 1974 poem “Where The Sidewalk Ends” is intended to paint a magical picture of a world of peace and serenity far away from the “black and dark streets.” At the time, perhaps the end of the sidewalk was a place that was “measured and slow.” Today, however, for many parents, where the sidewalk ends can feel like a scary place.

Sections → Community → South Florida

Florida is famous for sparkling water. We have the beautiful Atlantic Ocean and Gulf of Mexico surrounding our coast. We have bays, lakes, canals and, of course, an incredible abundance of swimming pools in homes, resorts, apartment complexes and city parks.

Sections → Community → South Florida

The buzz is back as Camp Gan Israel Florida Overnight gears up for another fantastic summer, CGI Florida style. What makes CGI Florida so different from all the other overnight camps? It’s all in the details.

Sections → Magazine → Teens and Twenties

Leah Katz, a TeenZone camper at Oorah’s TheZone summer camp and an 11th grader at Midwood High School, read her winning essay about how TheZone changed her views on Judaism at the Jewish Heritage Awards Ceremony held at Brooklyn District Attorney Charles Hynes’s office in April. The purpose of the Jewish Heritage Essay Contest is to acquaint public school students with Jewish history and customs and to help foster a deeper understanding of Jewish culture. The contest is open to students of all ethnic and religious backgrounds. Leah’s essay is reproduced in full below.

Sections → Jewess Press → Impact Of Women On Jewish History/Prof. L. Jackson

Moshe Sharett, the head of the Jewish Agency’s Political Department, visited Egypt in 1945. In Cairo he met a most remarkable young woman, a beautiful journalist who was the darling of Egyptian high society – from high-ranking military brass, to culture icons and Muslim sheikhs, to the court of King Faruk.

Sections → Family → Marriage and Relationships

The two proceeded to talk about everyday things and surprisingly her mother-in-law did not find anything else to criticize. This occurred a few more times, with my client changing the topic every time by complimenting her mother-in-law or mentioning something positive about her.

Sections → Family → Parenting Our Children

There is always a lot of confusion surrounding sensory processing disorder – mainly because there are many different diagnoses that fall under the catch-all phrase sensory processing disorder (SPD). Among them are three specific subcategories:

Sections → Family

The doctor had warned us that even if we did everything right and followed the protocol after the follicle was of the right size, there was no guarantee of success. Fertilization still had to occur, and just like couples do not necessarily become pregnant every month, we had no way to know if we were actually expecting for two full weeks.

More Articles from Rachel
Sections → Family → Chronicles of Crises

.The preceding two columns familiarized readers with the “mechanism” that drives the world of shidduchim in Chassidish mode. In her engagingly candid and perky style, R.B. has obliged us with articulate and to-the-point responses. This column concludes the series, which will have hopefully lent both the aspiring and seasoned shadchan some valuable insight and guidance.

    Latest Poll

    Which is the most beautiful location in Jerusalem?









    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/chronicles-of-crises/chronicles-of-crises-in-our-communities-100/2008/04/09/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online:

Related posts:

  1. Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities
Close