web analytics
September 19, 2014 / 24 Elul, 5774
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Apartment 758x530 Africa-Israel at the Israel Real Estate Exhibition in New York

Africa Israel Residences, part of the Africa Israel Investments Group led by international businessman Lev Leviev, will present 7 leading projects on the The Israel Real Estate Exhibition in New York on Sep 14-15, 2014.



Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 4/11/08

By:

Chronicles-logo

We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories by e-mail to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 338 Third Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11215.

To all women, men or children who feel that they are at the end of their ropes, please consider joining a support group, or forming one.

Anyone wishing to make a contribution to help agunot, please send your tax deductible contribution to The Jewish Press Foundation.

Checks must be clearly specified to help agunot. Please make sure to include that information if that is the purpose of your contribution, because this is just one of the many worthwhile causes helped by this foundation.

* * * * * * * * * *

Dear Rachel,

We are a couple of five years and have two beautiful children together. As a husband, I try my best to please my wife and take into consideration all of her complaints by actually attempting to deal with them realistically.

Our intimate life is great, and I do everything in my power to please her. She, on the other hand, finds herself hating me at all times. She does not seem to know why or where her hatred of me comes from; she just wants to leave everything and run away.

I don’t want to lose our family. I am happy and am constantly working on myself. She is very jealous if I want to have friends, even though they are married and religious. If I am out with a friend, she thinks that I am running away from her.

Basically, what would you suggest for a person who does not know how to forgive and forget following any argument? We fight all the time, and it is maddening to me how she is always saying she hates me.

She cannot seem to accept that life has its ups and downs; she is always looking at other couples and saying how much happier they are.

Thanks for your work.

At a loss

Dear Loss,

It is difficult to begin answering your letter. Frankly, I am at a loss. Besides containing little information, your allegations are somewhat confusing.

You indicate that your wife has many complaints, and yet you are baffled by her glum attitude. You claim to have a “great” intimate life − while admitting that your partner is constantly expressing her dislike of you, to put it mildly. How does this translate to a great anything, unless it is simply your self-gratification that is ‘great’?

“Hate” is a very strong word. One tends to wonder whether it is a limited vocabulary that prompts you to toss it about so haphazardly (English is obviously not your first language as your letter required much emending), or whether hostility actually exists as a virulent force between the two of you.

Your wife must be exceedingly miserable if she indeed longs to run away from it all. But that may not necessarily be a reflection on you as a husband. She may have unresolved issues that she brought with her into the marriage, or she may be grappling with mental depression that may have been triggered by post-natal depression. (Your letter offers no clue as to when all these problems began.)

You say you “fight all the time,” yet you would like her to get over it − as in “to forgive and forget.” How exactly does that work? When is there time to get over anything if it is constantly in your face?

Forgive me for saying so, but your way of thinking is unrealistic. Regardless of the source of your wife’s discontent, how can you be “happy” under such disturbing circumstances? You may be of a different temperament (easy-going versus high-strung) and less demanding in general, but with the constant bickering and expressions of hatred flung in your direction all the time, your happiness can only be described as delusional.

While no one, including your wife, can assume the level of other couples’ contentment or good fortune, each partner in a marriage has the obligation to give his/her all to the relationship they knowingly and consciously committed to. If things get out of hand, as they obviously have in your case, seeking professional counseling should be a high priority.

Your desire to save your marriage and to work on yourself is most commendable. But, as you well concede, your methods have failed. If your intentions are true and your heart is in the right place, do the right thing and make an appointment to see a trained marriage counselor immediately. The survival of your marriage is at stake − left as is, it can spell disaster for all of you.

With proper intervention, there is a chance of setting things on the right track.

I wish you much hatzlachah in achieving a peaceful and loving co-existence with your life partner.

About the Author: We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories via email to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 4915 16th Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11204. If you wish to make a contribution and help agunot, your tax-deductible donation should be sent to The Jewish Press Foundation. Please make sure to specify that it is to help agunot, as the foundation supports many worthwhile causes.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 4/11/08”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Protest rally against Metropolitan Opera staging Death of Klinghoffer on 9/22 at 4:30 pm at the Met.
For Grass Roots Klinghoffer Protest 9/22, Jewish Establishment MIA
Latest Sections Stories

Three sets of three-day Yomim Tovim can seem overwhelming – especially when we are trying to stay healthy.

Plotkin-092614

Is a missed opportunity to do a mitzvah considered a sin?

Teens-Twenties-logo

The sounds and scents of the kitchen are cozy, familiar, but loud in the silence.

Baim-092614-Plate

Everyone has a weakness. For some people it is the inability to walk past a sales rack without dropping a few hundred dollars. For others, it’s the inability to keep their house organized.

His entire life was dedicated to Torah and he became a pivotal figure in the transmittal of the Oral Torah to the next generation.

When you don’t have anyone else to turn to… that’s when you’re tied to Hashem the closest.

While we all go to restaurants for a good meal, it is dessert, that final taste that lingers in your mouth, that is the crown jewel of any dining experience and Six Thirteen’s offerings did not disappoint.

Today, fifty years and six million (!) people later, Israel is truly a different world.

There will always be items that don’t freeze well – salads and some rice- or potato-based dishes – so you need to leave time to prepare or cook them closer to Yom Tov and ensure there is enough room in the refrigerator to store them.

In Uzbekistan, in the early twentieth century, it was the women who wore the pants.

This is an important one in raising a mentsch (and maybe even in marrying off a mentsch! listening skills are on the top of the list when I do shidduch coaching).

While multitasking is not ideal, it is often necessary and unavoidable.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/chronicles-of-crises/chronicles-of-crises-in-our-communities-100/2008/04/09/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: