web analytics
October 1, 2014 / 7 Tishri, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Meir Panim with Soldiers 5774 Roundup: Year of Relief and Service for Israel’s Needy

Meir Panim implements programs that serve Israel’s neediest populations with respect and dignity. Meir Panim also coordinated care packages for families in the South during the Gaza War.



Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 7/11/08

By:

Chronicles-logo

Dear Rachel,

Reading the articles that have appeared in your column has given me the courage to write.

What is a wife of 42 years to do when she finds out her husband has a girlfriend? I confronted my husband after hearing him on the phone with her talking about their “fun” together. He denied the entire conversation, despite my standing in the hallway overhearing it all. A week later he came home with visible evidence that they were together.

I told him I’m done with him and said I’m getting a divorce. He tells me he loves me and that I should forget all this. He says we have a great life together. We have many children and many grandchildren. He said he is having a midlife crisis (he’s in his early 60′s) and that he won’t see her again.

I strongly suspect that he is still with her. What do I do? Get a divorce and start again at this stage of my life? Hire an investigator and break up the other marriage? Pretend it did not happen and continue life with my husband − that took 42 years to build?

What will happen to my children and their families with this? Am I to leave my job . . . find somebody else? Not that it matters: I am thin and in excellent physical condition, I’m a size 4 and take care of my looks.

A wife in need of an answer

Dear Wife,

You poor dear, how you must be hurting! Not enough the heartache of betrayal, your emotional distress is intensified by the burden of “where and to whom to turn.” While you long desperately to oust him from your life, your are reluctant to face embarrassment from close ones like your own children and from acquaintances like your employer, your peers at work and your neighbors.

Looking back at the 42 years spent building a life together and forging a lasting bond (or so you had been led to believe) adds to your wretchedness. Then there’s a dread of being left to live alone and of possibly regretting not having given him the chance to prove himself worthy of your giving him a second chance.

There is no condoning your husband’s behavior, midlife crisis notwithstanding. But as human beings, we are vulnerable and may stumble when coming up against temptation in a weak moment. If he is indeed contrite, he must be made to prove it. Words ring hollow and “I love you” in this circumstance is woefully insufficient.

Your marriage has suffered a blow and the wound is too deep for a simple band-aid application. The strongly recommended remedy is for the two of you to seek professional marriage counseling, which may be the only way to get things out in the open to properly air deep-seated issues.

His insistence of having given up his fling should not deter you in pursuing such a course. If he truly does not want to lose you, he should be amenable to your suggestion. If he continues to display indifference to your feelings with a glib “get over it” attitude, don’t hesitate to make an appointment to see his rabbi who will be able to give you constructive advice in confidentiality.

Moreover, should he persist in making a mockery of your marriage with his philandering (the telltale signs again making it obvious), haul out that old suitcase and start packing – not your things, his. Empty his drawers of his clothing, underwear, sundries, etc. and park the packed suitcase by the door. When he gets around to finding it there, inform him straight out that you are dealing with your midlife crisis, by getting rid of it. He will read the message loud and clear.

Sadly, a woman’s intuition in such circumstances is usually right on. Eating your heart out while playing out different strategies in your mind allows him the freedom to do as he pleases. For your health, your family and your marriage, you must take immediate action.

I wish you lightness of heart, peace of mind, and all the best that life has to offer.

About the Author: We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories via email to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 4915 16th Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11204. If you wish to make a contribution and help agunot, your tax-deductible donation should be sent to The Jewish Press Foundation. Please make sure to specify that it is to help agunot, as the foundation supports many worthwhile causes.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 7/11/08”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
The Port of Long Beach
ZIM Shanghai Unloads at Port of Long Beach, No BDS Problems
Latest Sections Stories
Mindy-092614-Choc-Roll

I should be pursuing plateaus of pure and holy, but I’m busy delving and developing palatable palates instead.

Schonfeld-logo1

Brown argues that this wholehearted living must extend into our parenting.

Twenties-092614-Abrams

If we truly honor the other participants in a conversation, we can support, empathize with, and even celebrate their feelings.

Twenties-092614-OU-Mission

I witnessed the true strength of Am Yisrael during those few days.

She writes intuitively, freely, and only afterwards understands the meaning of what she has written.

“I knew it was a great idea, a win-win situation for everyone,” said Burstein.

Not knowing any better, I assumed that Molly and her mother must be voracious readers.

“I would really love my mother-in-law …if she weren’t my mother-in-law.”

For each weekly reading, Rabbi Grysman begins with a synopsis of the Torah portion, followed by a focus on a major issue.

It’s Rosh Hashanah. A new year. Time for a fresh start. Time for a new slate. Time for change.

Governor Rick Scott visited North Miami Beach/Aventura on the morning of Wednesday, September 17.

While the cost per student is higher than mainstream schools, Metzuyan Academy ESE is a priceless educational opportunity for children with special needs in South Florida.

Challah-pa-looza helped get the community ready and excited about the upcoming Jewish New Year.

Miami businessman and philanthropist Eli Nash had many in tears as he shared his story of the horrific abuse he suffered from age 8 to 11.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/chronicles-of-crises/chronicles-of-crises-in-our-communities-110/2008/07/09/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: