web analytics
April 21, 2014 / 21 Nisan, 5774
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Spa 1.2 Combining Modern Living in Traditional Jerusalem

A unique and prestigious residential project in now being built in Mekor Haim Street in Jerusalem.



Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities

By:
Chronicles-logo

Share Button

Busybodies Beware:
Your unsolicited interference is unwelcome!

Dear Rachel,

I’m a very private person and have never written to a column before, but I feel I must share the following with your readers.

Right in the midst of the Yamim Noraim I received an unusual phone call. It actually went to voice mail where an anonymous male caller left a long, ugly and rambling message intended to “alert” me to my husband’s supposed inappropriate behavior with an aishes ish (a married woman) whom the caller claimed he was extensively involved with. He named the woman and also accused my husband of having wrecked her marriage.

Mr. Anonymous ended by expressing his sympathy for me for having such a husband and brazenly wished me luck in finding a better man.

Shocking? Not really, for you see I know the woman by name and was aware of my husband’s involvement. His line of work involves mediating, and he had first met this woman in an abused wives shelter after she had suffered multiple incidents of physical abuse at the hands of her husband. It was her concerned next of kin who had turned to my husband for help in extracting the hapless wife from her horrible ordeal and misery.

There’s more to the story, but the details really have no bearing on the point of my letter. Suffice it to say that the poor woman was in dire need of assistance, and my husband was baruch Hashem able to help her and was also instrumental in securing her a get.

Though I was plenty familiar with the goings-on, I can’t say the phone call wasn’t jarring. Both my husband and I were taken aback by the sheer audacity of a person who would have little else on his mind, especially at this time of year, and the chutzpah to smear a man with baseless accusations — to his wife, no less. (The caller, by the way, was not the woman’s ex-husband.)

In light of the above, I have some comments to make and a question to you, Rachel. I direct my first comment to husbands who may be involved in similar situations and innocently neglect to let their wives in on them. Can you imagine the impact such a call can have on a wife who is totally in the dark about her husband’s involvement — since he considers it to be all in a day’s work and therefore feels she doesn’t need to be in the know?

How fortunate for us that my husband shared this poor woman’s tale of woe with me and kept me informed throughout. Since we had much more important things to dwell on during the time the call came in, we basically shrugged it off. My husband, furthermore, did not get himself worked up over it since he knew it was impossible for anyone to accuse him of any wrongdoing, when he did nothing wrong.

Now let’s hypothetically suppose that a married man is seen hanging out with a strange woman and they are known, or rumored, to be “carrying on.” My question to you: how proper or improper is it for some outside party to take it upon him or herself to intervene by calling the wife anonymously to let her know of her husband’s supposedly bad behavior?

Thanks for taking the time to answer.

Fortunately unscathed

Dear Fortunately,

Someone obviously had an ax to grind with your husband and shamefully took it upon himself to do him harm in the crudest and cruelest way.

This incident further goes to show, as you illustrate, that a married man who must have dealings with a woman should take all precautions not to have it come across as an unethical association, and under such circumstance to be sure to keep his wife abreast of the developments as they unfold. Your husband astutely saved himself the headache of having a lot of explaining to do, and you were spared needless heartache.

As for your question, I am not for informing anyone’s wife that her husband is two-timing her (or vice-versa). For one, it may well be untrue, and a third party has certainly no right to make such an assumption. Moreover, whether the stated information is unfounded or real, such a call can wreak havoc on a heretofore good relationship.

Share Button

About the Author: We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories via email to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 4915 16th Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11204. If you wish to make a contribution and help agunot, your tax-deductible donation should be sent to The Jewish Press Foundation. Please make sure to specify that it is to help agunot, as the foundation supports many worthwhile causes.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

No Responses to “Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
BDS targets Zabar's; Carole Zabar promotes BDS proponents.
All in the Family: BDS Protests Zabars; Carole Zabar Promotes BDS
Latest Sections Stories
Schonfeld-logo1

Regardless of age, parents play an important role in their children’s lives.

Marriage-Relationship-logo

We peel away one layer after the next, our eyes tear up and it becomes harder and harder to see as we get closer to our innermost insecurities and fears.

Gorsky-041814-Torah

Some Mountain Jews believe they are descendents of the Ten Lost Tribes and were exiled to Azerbaijan and Dagestan by Sancheriv.

Baim-041814-Piggy

Yom Tov is about spending time with your family. And while for some families the big once-in-a-lifetime experience is great, for others something low key is the way to go.

A fascinating glimpse into the rich complexity of medieval Jewish life and its contemporary relevance had intriguingly emerged.

Dear Dr. Yael:

My heart is breaking; my husband’s friend has gotten divorced. While this type of situation is always sad, here I do believe it could have been avoided.

The plan’s goal is to provide supportive housing to 200 individuals with disabilities by the year 2020.

Despite being one of the fastest-growing Jewish communities in the U.S. – the estimated Jewish population is 70-80,000 – Las Vegas has long been overlooked by much of the Torah world.

She was followed by the shadows of the Six Million, by the ever so subtle awareness of their vanished presence.

Pesach is so liberating (if you excuse the expression). It’s the only time I can eat anywhere in the house, guilt free! Matzah in bed!

Now all the pain, fear and struggle were over and they were home. Yuli was safe and free, a hero returned to his land and people.

While it would seem from his question that he is being chuzpadik and dismissive, I wonder if its possible, if just maybe, he is a struggling, confused neshama who actually wants to come back to the fold.

I agree with the letter writer that a shadchan should respectfully and graciously accept a negative response to a shidduch offer.

Alternative assessments are an extremely important part of understanding what students know beyond the scope of tests and quizzes.

    Latest Poll

    Now that Kerry's "Peace Talks" are apparently over, are you...?







    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/chronicles-of-crises/chronicles-of-crises-in-our-communities-192/2012/12/27/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: