web analytics
August 5, 2015 / 20 Av, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities

By:
Chronicles-logo

Women Wronged

Dear Rachel,

I’m writing to this column because I have exhausted all other options and have nowhere else to turn. I am a young woman in her twenties who has become just another agunah among the hundreds out there. This past year I made the difficult decision to leave my husband due to his drug addiction. What I thought would be a trial separation resulted in him immediately filing for divorce. I accepted that my marriage was over and began to contact rabbanim to ensure the get would be taken care of.

I waived all financial support, and because there are Baruch Hashem no children, there are no custody issues. I thought this would be over soon and that I’d be able to move on with my life.

Fast forward nine months, and I still have no get. My position is precarious and my decisions limited. I can sign the settlement agreement and wait with the hope that I will get my get from someone who has never given me a reason to trust him. Or, as I have been maintaining, ask that the get be given to me simultaneously with signing the agreement.

My ex-husband and the rabbi have adamantly refused to do so. Instead, they want me to sign the settlement agreement and wait for the divorce to be finalized, whereupon they will then decide if they will give me my get. If I do this, I will lose any leverage over him to give me my get. I am terrified to do that. I wish I was undergoing a divorce in a state with a get law; unfortunately, that is not the case. Thus, I am an agunah.

However, I write not with the purpose of venting or complaining, but to expose the verbal abuse I have endured from the rabbi handling this matter. I will not share his name, as it is not my goal to engage in lashon hara. Yet I will say that if I was a man, I have no doubt he would never call me a “twerp” or tell me that “I’m nothing and [he’s] handled people much more powerful.”

I have never been anything but cordial and respectful to this rabbi and I still appreciate all the work he has done. While I understand that I don’t have children, I am not a man with a family and don’t have unlimited funds to donate to his shul, I don’t think that I have to accept this abuse in any way, and I did nothing to deserve this.

Who defends women in my position? Who helps the hundreds of girls like myself who are being bullied by rabbis who look out solely for their own financial interest? So am I destined to be an agunah? Do I have to sit and take this abuse from a rabbi? What should I do?

Desperate

Dear Desperate,

I am so sorry to read about your dilemma. With little detail to go on, I can simply advise you not to sign on the dotted line. You are right; once you do you will have no leverage. Next, you probably have your reasons for waiving financial support, but I do believe you are entitled to have had a change of heart.

Now that you’ve learned where being a “nice guy” will get you, take the bull by the horns and stop being a pushover. File a claim for monetary support for starters; it may impel your husband and whomever he consults with to come to a settlement before the court rules in your favor.

Dealing directly with this so-called rabbi who is representing your husband is certainly not in your best interest. Ideally, an intermediary (a neutral party) should be acting/speaking on your behalf — one who would be in a better position to take this rabbi on (respectfully, of course).

You may also want to avail yourself of the services of organizations geared to assisting women through the get process.

Keep strong and with Hashem’s help you will prevail!

The following is from a reader who relates to the woman who went from “Mud to Miracles” (see Chronicles of May 31 and June 7).

Dear Humbled but Strengthened,

About the Author: We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories via email to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 4915 16th Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11204. If you wish to make a contribution and help agunot, your tax-deductible donation should be sent to The Jewish Press Foundation. Please make sure to specify that it is to help agunot, as the foundation supports many worthwhile causes.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
Iran's Bushehr nuclear facility.
Nearing Double Digits in the Democrat Defection from Bad Iran Deal
Latest Sections Stories
South-Florida-logo

An impressive group of counselors and staff members are providing the boys and girls with a summer of fun and Torah learning and a lifetime of wonderful memories.

South-Florida-logo

Rabbi Sam Intrator recently led a summer program in Williams Island, located in Aventura. The event focused on how to find spiritual joy in Judaism. The rabbi cited biblical and Talmudic teachings, ancient Temple rituals, and the words of prayers to establish the role that love and positive thinking have in Torah values. Rabbi Intrator […]

South-Florida-logo

The Iranian deal was sealed on July 14, four and a half months after Netanyahu’s visit. The details of the agreement were shocking and worse than anyone had imagined.

There are so many toys available for newborn to age 5, but how do you choose?

In 1939, with life getting harder for Jews, she and several friends decided it was time to make aliyah, and applied at the Palestina Amt for permits.

I am not sure how many of you readers have had this experience, but I did and it truly tested the limits of my sanity!

Aside from my own 485-page tome on the subject, Red Army, I think Jamie Glazov did an excellent job at framing things in United in Hate: The Left’s Romance with Tyranny and Terror.

We studied his seforim together, we listened to famous cantorial masters and we spoke of his illustrious yichus, his pedigree, dating back to the famous commentator, Rashi.

Jews who were considered, but not ultimately selected, include Woody Allen, Saul Bellow, David Ben-Gurion, Marc Chagall, Anne Frank, and Barbra Streisand.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/chronicles-of-crises/chronicles-of-crises-in-our-communities-245/2013/07/04/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: