web analytics
September 30, 2014 / 6 Tishri, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Meir Panim with Soldiers 5774 Roundup: Year of Relief and Service for Israel’s Needy

Meir Panim implements programs that serve Israel’s neediest populations with respect and dignity. Meir Panim also coordinated care packages for families in the South during the Gaza War.



Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities

By:
Chronicles-logo

A Mother’s Heart

 

Dear Rachel,

I’ve been a long time reader of The Jewish Press and appreciate your practical advice, even when it is not always what people are interesting in hearing.

I am 70 years young and B”H in relatively good health. I live on my own since my husband passed away a couple of years ago. Sad to say, my daughter is causing me needless frustration and heartache. It’s not that she isn’t caring or devoted. As busy as she is with her own large family, she is in touch daily and comes by as often as she can.

She is, however, selective about what she will share with me. For instance, if there is a shidduch brewing with one of my grandchildren, she lets me know only when the le’chayim is imminent. This makes me feel like just another member of their extended family who needs to be informed. Of course by then everyone is too busy and taken up with the excitement to bother with the details of how, where and when, and I am left to feel like chopped liver.

Rachel, I crave some warmth and closeness from my only daughter and my grandchildren. Who, after all, is closer to a child than his or her mother? When someone in the family is ill, I either find out by chance when someone lets the cat of the bag in my presence, or when things have improved and it becomes “safe” for me to know.

I understand they are trying to be protective of me and want to avoid worrying me (they have as much as said so), but their way just stresses me out more and makes me feel like an outsider. Being kept in the dark is far more hurtful, as well as demeaning.

I crave for my daughter to take me into her confidence, but she seems yet to grasp that my life experiences have strengthened me, not weakened me… that tough times make one resilient. Ironic, isn’t it, that I should be finding myself lonely and shut out at this stage in my life, when parents finally have the time to enjoy the fruits of their labor (having already raised their children).

Please don’t tell me to be open with my daughter and explain myself to her as I am doing here. I’ve tried that in the past, to no avail. Some people are unable to focus beyond the physical and misinterpret exterior signs of aging, using that as a barometer of one’s mental and emotional capacities.

Maybe through your column you can let adult children know that inevitable facial lines and a krechtz or kvetch here and there do not make parents emotional invalids.

Please convey to my daughter and other adult children with her mindset that they have no better or more devoted friend than their mother, and that they do a great disservice (to themselves as well) by keeping us at arm’s length at a “safe” distance.

Thank you for your service to our communities.

Young at heart and sound-minded

 

Dear Young,

I can just imagine how many readers in their fifties, sixties and onward feel for you and with you.

Grown children can get so carried away with their own immediate family responsibilities and myriad obligations as to become blinded to and oblivious of their aging parents’ needs.

In their defense, and as you have implied in regard to your own, they tend to believe that by not divulging personal details and goings-on, they are actually shielding their parents from harm.

Nothing can be further from the truth. As I’ve emphasized to my own: Believe me, I can handle it, truly I can. You’d be surprised at how much we can withstand, at how strong life has made us. Don’t let some exterior aging signs fool you. (They’ll creep up on you too before you know it.) Beyond them lie the hardy heartstrings made tough as nails over the years by being consistently tested, prodded and pulled on.

About the Author: We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories via email to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 4915 16th Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11204. If you wish to make a contribution and help agunot, your tax-deductible donation should be sent to The Jewish Press Foundation. Please make sure to specify that it is to help agunot, as the foundation supports many worthwhile causes.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Convicted murderer of Philadelphia police officer Daniel Faulkner, Mumia Ab-Jamal.
Convicted Cop-Killer Mumia Abu-Jamal is College Commencement Speaker
Latest Sections Stories
Mindy-092614-Choc-Roll

I should be pursuing plateaus of pure and holy, but I’m busy delving and developing palatable palates instead.

Schonfeld-logo1

Brown argues that this wholehearted living must extend into our parenting.

Twenties-092614-Abrams

If we truly honor the other participants in a conversation, we can support, empathize with, and even celebrate their feelings.

Twenties-092614-OU-Mission

I witnessed the true strength of Am Yisrael during those few days.

She writes intuitively, freely, and only afterwards understands the meaning of what she has written.

“I knew it was a great idea, a win-win situation for everyone,” said Burstein.

Not knowing any better, I assumed that Molly and her mother must be voracious readers.

“I would really love my mother-in-law …if she weren’t my mother-in-law.”

For each weekly reading, Rabbi Grysman begins with a synopsis of the Torah portion, followed by a focus on a major issue.

It’s Rosh Hashanah. A new year. Time for a fresh start. Time for a new slate. Time for change.

Governor Rick Scott visited North Miami Beach/Aventura on the morning of Wednesday, September 17.

While the cost per student is higher than mainstream schools, Metzuyan Academy ESE is a priceless educational opportunity for children with special needs in South Florida.

Challah-pa-looza helped get the community ready and excited about the upcoming Jewish New Year.

Miami businessman and philanthropist Eli Nash had many in tears as he shared his story of the horrific abuse he suffered from age 8 to 11.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/chronicles-of-crises/chronicles-of-crises-in-our-communities-325/2014/05/16/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: