web analytics
October 2, 2014 / 8 Tishri, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Meir Panim with Soldiers 5774 Roundup: Year of Relief and Service for Israel’s Needy

Meir Panim implements programs that serve Israel’s neediest populations with respect and dignity. Meir Panim also coordinated care packages for families in the South during the Gaza War.



Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities

By:
Chronicles-logo

A Father’s Yearning To Make Peace With His Daughters

 

Dear Rachel,

I am writing about the column on Kibbud Av v’Eim, where a wife takes issue with her husband’s extraordinary care of his parents, despite their ingratitude and offensive behavior toward their son (Chronicles, July 4). I agree with your response. Unfortunately, people look for loopholes and excuses to avoid Kibbud Av. I could write a book about what I have been through.

I was divorced many years ago, when my two beloved daughters were under twelve. My older almost immediately stopped speaking to me, while with the younger I had a passable relationship – until now.

The biggest mistake of my life, I admit, was to marry my ex.  The second was not moving on with a new loving wife and family. I have recently tried to make shalom with my older daughter, and my overtures served only to turn my younger daughter against me.

Right now it’s been a record seven weeks since I’ve seen her or any of my grandchildren. Up until now I had seen my grandchildren (from my younger daughter) at least once a week. I am crazy about them and we have a terrific relationship, though I have never been invited to a family simcha, such as a grandchild’s upsherin, because of my ex and older daughter.

Rachel, I am not getting any younger and I am brokenhearted. I long to be with my children and grandchildren, some of whom I’ve never ever interacted with. My oldest daughter’s children do not even know I exist, and now my younger daughter has turned away from me. So I ask you, how do G-d fearing Orthodox Jews live with themselves when they don’t think twice about defying the commandment of Kibbud Av on a continuous basis?

I understand how a divorce can confuse and hurt young children. People play the blame game. They heap blame on the other spouse, and whoever wins gets to brainwash and alienate the children. They use buzzwords like abuse, etc. to support their wickedness and revenge. I have found that most often it is the women who do this. However, I also know of men who are guilty of this atrocity. Of course, the one who has more cash is in a great situation.

But what excuse is there for the grown child not to exercise common sense, to realize that a parent is still a parent, regardless of whether two people choose to stay married or not? People seem to have forgotten that many good divorced guys get the short end of the stick and are suffering tremendously.

I pray every day for my children to come around and for Hashem to grant me the privilege of knowing my grandchildren. What a zechus to have grandparents – a privilege cruelly denied me (and many others) as a child of Holocaust survivors.

            Deprived and Hurting

Dear Deprived,

While I don’t know you personally and hardly have the whole picture, there are way too many divorced parents – both fathers and mothers – who tragically exhaust themselves trying to break the wall of ice that separates them from their children, a wall formed by the ugliness of the animosity between their feuding parents.

In many cases adult children eventually do come to the realization that the parent whom they viewed as hateful and malicious is anything but. They admirably reach out or respond positively to the estranged parent who expresses a desire to be given the chance to prove him or herself to be a loving role model worthy of embrace by both child and grandchild.

About the Author: We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories via email to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 4915 16th Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11204. If you wish to make a contribution and help agunot, your tax-deductible donation should be sent to The Jewish Press Foundation. Please make sure to specify that it is to help agunot, as the foundation supports many worthwhile causes.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Israeli PM Netanyahu and US Pres. Obama met in the Oval Office on Oct. 1, 2014.
Netanyahu-Obama Press Conference, Iran as Subtext [video]
Latest Sections Stories
Israeli winery

“You want to know what this wine looked like, which wine King David drank, white or red…. We can see if it’s red or white, strong or weak.”

Mindy-092614-Choc-Roll

I should be pursuing plateaus of pure and holy, but I’m busy delving and developing palatable palates instead.

Schonfeld-logo1

Brown argues that this wholehearted living must extend into our parenting.

If we truly honor the other participants in a conversation, we can support, empathize with, and even celebrate their feelings.

I witnessed the true strength of Am Yisrael during those few days.

She writes intuitively, freely, and only afterwards understands the meaning of what she has written.

“I knew it was a great idea, a win-win situation for everyone,” said Burstein.

Not knowing any better, I assumed that Molly and her mother must be voracious readers.

“I would really love my mother-in-law …if she weren’t my mother-in-law.”

For each weekly reading, Rabbi Grysman begins with a synopsis of the Torah portion, followed by a focus on a major issue.

It’s Rosh Hashanah. A new year. Time for a fresh start. Time for a new slate. Time for change.

Governor Rick Scott visited North Miami Beach/Aventura on the morning of Wednesday, September 17.

While the cost per student is higher than mainstream schools, Metzuyan Academy ESE is a priceless educational opportunity for children with special needs in South Florida.

Challah-pa-looza helped get the community ready and excited about the upcoming Jewish New Year.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/chronicles-of-crises/chronicles-of-crises-in-our-communities-339/2014/07/25/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: