web analytics
May 25, 2015 / 7 Sivan, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities

By:
Chronicles-logo

Give Peace A Chance: It’s A Venture Worth The Gamble

 

Dear Rachel,

Regarding the letter from the father who doesn’t have contact with his daughters (Chronicles, July 25), I think there might be another side to this story. While you are correct in saying that parents should never make the children pawns in their ongoing battle, many times it’s a parent who causes the child to turn against him or her.

I have known cases where a parent uses the visits with the child to constantly bad-mouth the other parent. Even when the child is uncomfortable and asks the parent to stop, the hurtful lashon hora continues to assail the youngster. Is it then any wonder that when this child is older he or she no longer wants to have anything to do with that parent?

And while you are absolutely correct about the mitzvah of Kibbud Av v’Em, when unable to respect a parent, we are advised to move away from him or her so that we do not violate that commandment.

Perhaps real justice is on the side of the father, in which case your answer is appropriate, but perhaps it is the actions of the father himself that has distanced his children – in which case he should do a cheshbon ha’nefesh and the children should be commended for finding a way not to be in violation of the commandment.

Seen Both Sides of the Coin

 

Dear Seen,

All sorts of scenarios involving domestic unrest and upheaval are sadly a part of our existence, and far be it from us to judge who deserves and who does not deserve to be hurt. Moreover, the father who wrote the letter in the column you refer to indicated that he hasn’t had any communication with his daughter since he divorced her mom and the child was twelve. This would have placed him in an unlikely position to influence his daughter one way or another. If anything, it seems more plausible that her mother whom she lived with would have had the chance to sway the children against their father.

Whether that actually happened or not is anyone’s guess, but it is long in the past and the child, now a grown woman, seems to be denying herself the chance to re-acquaint herself with her father and to form her own opinion of him.

While a young child cannot be blamed for falling under the influence of a parent, as an adult he or she should be mature and astute enough to ascertain that a feuding husband and wife who didn’t see eye to eye on anything could have easily – consciously or unconsciously – conveyed their animosity for one another to their hapless children.

In Yiddish there is a saying – einredenish is ehrger vi a krenk (delusion is worse than an illness). These girls seem to be suffering from such delusion, to the point of foolishly denying themselves the gratification that comes from family unity. If she (the older) hasn’t seen or spoken to her father since she was a child, she can’t possibly know him well enough to dislike him or to have come to any rational conclusion about him. The least she can do is give him a fair chance to prove himself worthy of being accepted into the family as a father and grandfather figure.

As we all know, there are two sides (often three) to every argument. Must the father resort to heaping blame on his ex to settle the score and to curry favor with his children? This father does not wish to go that route; the “blame game” is distasteful to him (as it should be), though he’d surely have plenty to say from his standpoint.

About the Author: We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories via email to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 4915 16th Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11204. If you wish to make a contribution and help agunot, your tax-deductible donation should be sent to The Jewish Press Foundation. Please make sure to specify that it is to help agunot, as the foundation supports many worthwhile causes.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
Former Israel Ambassador to the UN Dore Gold.
Bibi Seals Nationalist Policy with Dore Gold Heading Foreign Ministry
Latest Sections Stories
Schonfeld-logo1

To what extent is your child displaying defiance?

Respler-052215

This therapist kept focusing on how “I could do better,” never on how we could make the marriage work.

Mistrust that has lingered after the fiasco in Ferguson, Missouri, has edged the issue forward.

“The observance of a kosher diet is a key tenet of Judaism, and one which no state has the right to deny,” said Nathan Diament, executive director for public policy of the Orthodox Union.

Two weeks of intense learning in the classroom about Israel culminated with Yom Ha’Atzmaut. Students attended sessions with their teachers and learned about history, culture, military power, advocacy, slang, cooking, and more.

The nations of the world left the vessel to sit rotting in the water during one of the coldest winters in decades and with its starving and freezing passengers abandoned.

Rabbi Yisroel Edelman, the synagogue’s spiritual leader, declared, “The Young Israel of Deerfield Beach is looking forward to our partnership with the OU. The impact the OU has brought to Jewish communities throughout the country through its outreach and educational resources is enormous and we anticipate the same for our community in Deerfield Beach as well.”

Our goal here is to offer you recipes that you can make on Yom Tov with ingredients you might just have in the house. Enjoy and chag sameach!

Gardening can be a healthy, wholesome activity for the whole family.

Unfortunately, the probability is that he will not see a reason to change as he has been acting this way for a long time and clearly has some issues with respecting women.

All of these small changes work their way into the framework of the elephant and the rider because they are helping the elephant move forward.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/chronicles-of-crises/chronicles-of-crises-in-our-communities-344/2014/08/22/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: