web analytics
November 1, 2014 / 8 Heshvan, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Meir Panim with Soldiers 5774 Roundup: Year of Relief and Service for Israel’s Needy

Meir Panim implements programs that serve Israel’s neediest populations with respect and dignity. Meir Panim also coordinated care packages for families in the South during the Gaza War.



Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 11/17/06

By:

Chronicles-logo

We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories by e-mail to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 338 Third Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11215.

To all women, men or children who feel that they are at the end of their ropes, please consider joining a support group, or forming one.

Anyone wishing to make a contribution to help agunot, please send your tax deductible contribution to The Jewish Press Foundation.

Checks must be clearly specified to help agunot. Please make sure to include that information if that is the purpose of your contribution, because this is just one of the many worthwhile causes helped by this foundation.

********

Readers React To ‘A Disappointed Husband’ (Chronicles 9-29) (Part 2)

Dear Rachel,

I generally find your columns cogent and insightful. Consequently, your response to Disappointed Husband was quite… disappointing.

After you gave him permission for a perfunctory pat on the back, you assailed him. For what reason? He simply wanted his wife to get her physical act together, to resemble the woman he married and once desired. Why did you make him out to be a villain? There is no crime or sin in wanting one’s spouse to look and remain attractive, especially when lack of appeal is due to one’s own neglectfulness.

You had absolutely nothing constructive to say to his wife regarding her abysmal failure to live up to her responsibility in their marriage, to remain attractive to her husband. There simply is no justification for neglecting one’s personal appearance and health and to eat one’s way to obesity.

Your excuse (the stresses of motherhood and parenting) is lame. It’s an excuse, nothing more. Everyone has stresses in life, and the difficulty in raising a family is no license to completely neglect one’s physical appearance. When a married woman spends her day outfitted in a robe and snood and does nothing to curtail her weight and improve her appearance, can you fault a husband for looking at other women who dress attractively?

Snoods should be banned from the Orthodox market. They are hideous. Robes are meant for bedtime or awakening. No mention was made about the negative health consequences of obesity. What example is set by the caring and doting mother who gives her all for her children but neglects her own health?

Why not tell it like it is?

Dear Why,

You are quite right. Obesity is a health hazard. This column has previously addressed this and other issues that you raise. Disappointed Husband’s focus on the physical facet of his existence, however, seemed to outweigh his concern for his wife’s emotional well-being − which could potentially place their marriage and her health at risk.

Bravo to the self-motivated kind − but a wife who spends the better part of her life nurturing her family, only to have her husband hardly paying her any heed − let alone appreciation, has little incentive to pull herself together. Make no mistake: a woman instinctively knows whether or not her husband is really “there” for her. When he is home but his heart is elsewhere, the comfort of food can (for some) counteract the pain of eating her heart out.

Enough said. The following letter should more than satisfy your call to “tell it like it is.”

Dear Disappointed Husband,

Oh gosh, I don’t know what to say. I am one of those sophisticated women whom you lust after. I once was a warm inviting “Mommy” like your wife, who had visions of building a strong parent-child relationship with my children. But the bills piled up, kids kept coming, and eventually we needed a second income.

Now I spend most of my day at the office, and when I leave I usually take work home with me. When I come home, I am too tired to greet my children − and because of my uncomfortable attire, I am physically unable to return their enthusiasm and pass around hugs.

I have not had a meaningful conversation with my husband, let alone any intimate moments, for as long as I can remember − because tshe minute I’m in bed or able to relax, I’m fast asleep from exhaustion. Supper is usually something put up in the morning or just takeout.

How fortunate you are that your wife provides a secure home for your children. You can be sure that they are healthy and thriving in her love. She has a hand in dressing them, playing with them and preparing meals for them each and every day of their lives. And when she cooks them supper, she has you in mind as well.

I, on the other hand, could not say I have half the abilities or accomplishments of your wife, who seems to be a very special woman, putting you and the children before herself. What can I say about myself… other than that I am a beautiful empty vessel.

I am sure my husband is starving for a wife to greet him warmly and patiently as he comes home from work; for a wife who will care that he has supper prepared to his liking; for a wife who will have spent her day instilling her hashkafos in his children − and most importantly to be waiting eagerly to spend time with him.

Instead, I worry about my jewelry, clothing, shaitel and shoes…

You could not have been more fortunate to have such a selfless human being as your spouse. Your children are lucky but could be luckier − if they would see a strong bond of appreciation between their parents. Your wife, who has been selflessly playing her role as a mother (and loving it) is not so lucky. She will continue her chesed without emotional support until her children are grown up and mature enough to thank her, or until her husband recognizes that he has had every man’s dream all along.

About the Author: We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories via email to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 4915 16th Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11204. If you wish to make a contribution and help agunot, your tax-deductible donation should be sent to The Jewish Press Foundation. Please make sure to specify that it is to help agunot, as the foundation supports many worthwhile causes.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 11/17/06”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Yehudah Glick on the Temple Mount.
Yehuda Glick’s Condition Stabilizing, “He Was Very Lucky” (1:00 PM)
Latest Sections Stories
Collecting-History-logo

Undoubtedly the greatest manifestation of his antipathy was his infamous declaration: “[Expletive] the Jews. They don’t vote for us anyway.”

West-Coast-logo

Chaplain Winkler along with the other OJCB chaplains work tirelessly on a daily basis to ensure that all of the Jewish prisoners religious needs are met.

Eller-103114-Busy-In-Brooklyn

“I work around the Jewish calendar, always trying to think of creative spins,” noted Chani.

“Without a high school diploma, you couldn’t work as a garbage collector in New York City; you couldn’t join the Air Force. Yet a quarter of our kids still walked out of high school and never came back.”
– Amanda Ridley

My mother-in-law is totally devoted to her daughters and their children. Her sons’ children on the other hand are treated like second-class citizens.

The Polin Museum of the History of Polish Jews is designed to tell the whole thousand-year story of the Jews in Poland.

This past summer was a powerful one for the Jewish people. I will always remember where I was on June 12th when I found out that Gilad, Eyal and Naftali were kidnapped. I will always remember the look on my sister’s face on June 30th when she told me that they were found. I will […]

Avromi often put other people’s interests before his own: he would not defend people whom he believed were guilty (even if they were willing to pay him a lot of money).

The Presbyterian Church USA voted to divest from three companies that do business with Israel.

How can I help my wife learn to say “no,” and understand that her first priority must be her husband and family?

My eyes skimmed an article on page 1A. I was flabbergasted. I read the title again. Could it be? It had good news for the Miami Jewish community.

Students in early childhood, elementary, and middle school were treated to an array of hands-on projects to create sukkah decorations such as wind chimes, velvet posters, sand art, paper chains, and more.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/chronicles-of-crises/chronicles-of-crises-in-our-communities-42/2006/11/15/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: