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August 30, 2015 / 15 Elul, 5775
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Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 6/17/11

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The column on tznius (Chronicles June 3) provokes a dressing-down by readers…

 

Dear Rachel,

Regarding your recent column on tznius, I honestly wasn’t sure if  “For shame” was being serious or not. She said that the women who dress provocatively are going to burn in Gehenom and should be given the cold shoulder and be made to feel unwelcome.

Who are we to decide how Hashem will judge us? I see plenty of ultra-religious Jewish women who wear seamed stockings and are dressed more than tznius’dik yet gossip about others, humiliate people and are close-minded and judgmental. How is that not hypocritical?

And I see people who are dressed more “provocatively” and daven every day, go to shiurim, are careful with their speech, are welcoming and have open homes to all Jews. How can we decide who is more “frum“?

I’m shocked by the hatred, viciousness and anger the letter spouts. We all have to work on ourselves, no matter what, and it is not up to us to decide that we are more frum and better than other religious Jews who aren’t dressed like we are.

We also don’t know where other people are coming from and what their personal stories are. I think we all need to take a much harder look at ourselves rather than at other people.

Not perfect but trying my best

 

Dear Rachel,

The letter (signed For shame) in regard to immodesty on the part of frum women raises valid concerns. The fact that it was written with such outright venom was disturbing. Describing these women as shameless, garish, abominable, flashy, a disgrace, obnoxious, insulting, degrading, materialistic, religiously hypocritical, etc. is quite a mouthful!

What a shame for a truly important issue to be drowned out by hatred. If Hashem is repulsed by something more than immodesty, it is quite possibly sinat chinam, the scorning of our fellow Jew.

Dress alone does not make the (wo)man

 

Dear Rachel,

Re the tznius issue: Though you indicate in your response that we have a responsibility to do something about it, the fact is that it is a hard call.

For shame” makes it sound like all immodestly clad frum women dress this way to attract attention. While this may be true for some, I find that in many instances, especially among the young, it’s simply a case of naïveté; they actually are oblivious or indifferent to the fact that their tops are too clingy or that their too-tight skirts display their too-full figures in a most unflattering light.

Why would I say this? Because I am personally acquainted with some of these girls/women who are otherwise soft-spoken, modest in demeanor and genuinely caring people. Many will follow the trend/style of dress of others around them. While awareness has to be bred in the home, girls tend to emulate their friends and others in their neighborhood.

Let’s not be hasty in judging

 

Dear Rachel,

I very much appreciated your column on the topic of tznius and would like to add my two cents, if I may:  How is it that yesterday’s woman “in waiting” wore suitably loose clothing to hide her bulging tummy, yet today a pregnant woman has no problem parading around in skin-tight clothing, accentuating her protruding form for all others to gape at?

Talk about “hidden” and the evil eye (ayin hora), don’t these expectant mothers realize they are asking for trouble? Besides a lack of tznius, they show a lack of insensitivity by being “in your face” to those who may be craving to be in the family way. Their shamelessness is mind-boggling on all fronts (no pun intended).

Oh, don’t bother blaming it on the fashion industry and clothing manufacturers. A bas-Yisroel is not supposed to follow the “Hollywood” trend.

We need Moshiach NOW!!

 

 

Dear Rachel,

Just thought to drop you a line to let you know that as a frum young husband and father, I feel I can no longer allow myself to walk on the main avenues in our boroughs — the ones that have been taken over by the Jewish female super models.

Whatever happened to Kol kevudah bas melech penima? You said it right — the husband who allows his wife to dress in a way that should be reserved for his eyes only shares the blame.

Thanks for telling it like it is

 

A focused wife advises “A focused husband…”

 

Dear Rachel,

I would like to respond to the letter written by a “focused husband and father” regarding women who “do not satisfy their husbands and fail to give them what they really want.”

Judging from his letter, this husband seems like an extremely arrogant and self-centered man who believes he is entitled to certain things in a marriage. To him I have a wonderful piece of advice: Try earning your wife’s love and respect through your actions. Send your wife off for a manicure while you clean up from supper and put the kids to bed. Let your wife take a nap Friday afternoon while you set the table and clean up. This can only improve your marriage…

This “focused husband” also writes how frum women “lack femininity and have absolutely no notion of romance.” Can I recommend that you take a long and hard look in the mirror? Perhaps it is you who lacks romance?!

Do you court your wife…  take her on weekly or biweekly dates?  Do you do thoughtful acts of kindness, such as picking up your wife’s favorite roll of sushi or ice cream?  I’ll bet not!

So, “focused husband”, quit whining and complaining and start EARNING what you mistakenly believe you are OWED.

A Focused Wife and Mother

* * * * *

We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories via email to  rachel@jewishpress.com  or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 4915 16th Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11204. If you wish to make a contribution and help agunot, your tax-deductible donation should be sent to The Jewish Press Foundation. Please make sure to specify that it is to help agunot, as the foundation supports many worthwhile causes.

About the Author: We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories via email to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 4915 16th Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11204. If you wish to make a contribution and help agunot, your tax-deductible donation should be sent to The Jewish Press Foundation. Please make sure to specify that it is to help agunot, as the foundation supports many worthwhile causes.


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