web analytics
October 25, 2014 / 1 Heshvan, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Meir Panim with Soldiers 5774 Roundup: Year of Relief and Service for Israel’s Needy

Meir Panim implements programs that serve Israel’s neediest populations with respect and dignity. Meir Panim also coordinated care packages for families in the South during the Gaza War.



Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 4/07/06

By:

Chronicles-logo

We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories by e-mail to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 338 Third Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11215.

To all women, men or children who feel that they are at the end of their ropes, please consider joining a support group, or forming one.

Anyone wishing to make a contribution to help agunot, please send your tax deductible contribution to The Jewish Press Foundation.

Checks must be clearly specified to help agunot. Please make sure to include that information if that is the purpose of your contribution, because this is just one of the many worthwhile causes helped by this foundation.

*********

Dear Rachel,

I am writing about an extremely painful subject that I’ve never seen before in your chronicles and hope this is the right place to turn to. Truthfully, I’ve never even heard of the concept until recently – but have been made aware that it does exist in our frum community.

A good friend of mine has confided in me that for the past number of years, she has self-injured herself on her arms and legs. There was a point where she did it quite often. Thankfully, now it’s much more under control. From the way she describes it, it stems from a low self-esteem combined with a pain that she feels the need to get out. It’s hard for her to pinpoint exactly what spurs it on. Usually the SI only results in scratches, but there was one incident where her leg did start to bleed.

If you would meet her on the street, you would never know that she has this problem. She tries very hard to keep it on the back burner, not to think about it and to go about her daily life in a normal and healthy way. I think she is often successful at that. But when she does feel the need to self-inflict, it’s scary – to her and to me. She has tried seeing a therapist but did not feel it got her anywhere and, in fact, just made things worse.

In addition, she is young and single and has little money to spend on therapy. Asking her parents is not an option as they aren’t even aware of the problem. In general, she feels very alone in her situation, and that very few (if any) can truly understand her enough to help her. Even I can’t fully comprehend her need to self-injure, though I know it is real.

Rachel, I implore you – my friend is wonderful person who shouldn’t go through this alone. In her words, even therapists are scared off by her condition. Have you ever encountered others in a similar situation? Is there hope and help for someone like her – someone she can speak to that can understand and help her figure out how to rid herself of this horrible situation? Is this something that is curable? I eagerly await your response.

Thank you

A Concerned Friend

Dear Concerned,

Your friend is suffering from a personality disorder. SIV (self-inflicted violence) is her way of distracting herself, preventing her from dealing with bottled-up emotional pain. Somewhere along the line, she has most likely suffered some form of abuse that she has not at all or sufficiently dealt with and cannot let go of. She has yet to learn how to cope with her challenge in a healthy way.

Although your friend could gain tremendous benefit from counseling, the wrong kind can end up doing her more harm. Obviously she has opened up to you and let you in on her lonely struggle. As her confidante, you are in a position to impress upon her that she is one of Hashem’s beautiful creations, and causing herself harm demonstrates a disregard for His handiwork, as well as a lack of respect and hakoras hatov for her Creator. Fortunately, this phenomenon is not generally life-threatening and does not call for extreme measures to be taken in order to save the person from serious harm.

To gain a more helpful perspective on the subject, you may try visiting the site www.selfinjury.org. In answer to your question – yes, it is curable. And the fact that “it’s now much more under control” is encouraging news. The important thing to remember is not to push the panic button, and to refrain from criticizing or threatening the sufferer – who feels isolated enough as it is.

Continue to give your friend an understanding ear and be there for her – in a non-judgmental way. In time, and with the right kind of help and a friend like you, she will overcome.

With the advent of Pesach, we usher in a new spring season – a time of hope, rebirth, and reaffirmation of our faith in our One and Only. As we commemorate our freedom from oppression and hardship, we recognize that suffering has made us a stronger and more resilient lot. With emunah and prayer, hand in hand, we each have the power to overcome adversity and to rise to a loftier level of existence.

May this be the year that Hashem hearkens to our heartfelt plea of l’Shana Habaah b’Yerushalayim. A happy and kosher Passover to all of Klal Yisrael!

About the Author: We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories via email to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 4915 16th Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11204. If you wish to make a contribution and help agunot, your tax-deductible donation should be sent to The Jewish Press Foundation. Please make sure to specify that it is to help agunot, as the foundation supports many worthwhile causes.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 4/07/06”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Do you know where your vegetables grow?
Not So Kosher Shemittah L’Mehadrin
Latest Sections Stories
Nimchinsky-102414-Flag

This past summer was a powerful one for the Jewish people. I will always remember where I was on June 12th when I found out that Gilad, Eyal and Naftali were kidnapped. I will always remember the look on my sister’s face on June 30th when she told me that they were found. I will […]

Schonfeld-logo1

Avromi often put other people’s interests before his own: he would not defend people whom he believed were guilty (even if they were willing to pay him a lot of money).

Kupfer-102414

The Presbyterian Church USA voted to divest from three companies that do business with Israel.

How can I help my wife learn to say “no,” and understand that her first priority must be her husband and family?

My eyes skimmed an article on page 1A. I was flabbergasted. I read the title again. Could it be? It had good news for the Miami Jewish community.

Students in early childhood, elementary, and middle school were treated to an array of hands-on projects to create sukkah decorations such as wind chimes, velvet posters, sand art, paper chains, and more.

It is important for a therapist to focus on a person’s strengths as a way of overcoming his or her difficulties.

Sadly, there are mothers who, due to severe depression are unable or unwilling to prepare nourishing food for their children.

Michal had never been away from home. And now, she was going so far away, for so long – an entire year!

Though if you do have a schach mat, you’ll realize that it cannot actually support the weight of the water.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/chronicles-of-crises/chronicles-of-crises-in-our-communities-6/2006/04/05/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: