web analytics
November 26, 2014 / 4 Kislev, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
IDC Herzliya Campus A Day on Campus

To mark IDC Herzliya’s 20th anniversary, we spent a day following Prof. Uriel Reichman, IDC’s founder and president, and Jonathan Davis, VP for External Relations, around its delightful campus.



Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 6/15/07

By:

Chronicles-logo

We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories by e-mail to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 338 Third Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11215.

To all women, men or children who feel that they are at the end of their ropes, please consider joining a support group, or forming one.

Anyone wishing to make a contribution to help agunot, please send your tax deductible contribution to The Jewish Press Foundation.

Checks must be clearly specified to help agunot. Please make sure to include that information if that is the purpose of your contribution, because this is just one of the many worthwhile causes helped by this foundation.

* * * * * * * * * *

Dear Rachel,

I hope you print this letter, as I believe it will benefit others. I and just two friends have spoken to each other about a subject that is embarrassing, and we almost didn’t talk about it. Two of us are engaged. All three of us feel similarly, about facing marriage.

We are just plain afraid of relations with our spouses-to-be. In our community, unlike others, we go from not having relations at all to being married. It is one big sudden jump. Yes, it has happened from the beginning of time. But to us it feels – well, it is hard to explain.

This might seem strange to you, but one of the unsettling things about it is – how can we respect each other (our spouses) afterwards?

You will no doubt recommend therapy. None of us for various reasons would be able to do so. So we hope in some way you can respond to us. We are sure some of our friends and others in the community feel this way and are just too embarrassed to talk about it.

Need to remain Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

First, let me reassure you that your fears and misgivings are not all that strange. In fact, though most girls, as you say, will not voice their uneasiness, a large majority feels exactly as you do.

Those who claim to be cool, calm and collected as they look forward to the big day are usually either more mature (in years), have been ‘enlightened’ by an older sister or friend, are emboldened by their own extensive dating experiences, or are great actresses.

Yes, it has happened from the beginning of time. But you are fortunate in this day and age to have an excellent educational resource at your service to allay your fears: your kallah teacher. Today’s kallah classes are not what they used to be. If you do your research, you can take advantage of one-on-one valuable interaction with someone whom you can comfortably approach with any question or qualm you may harbor.

The best I can do in this format is to assure you that your chassan may be as shy and apprehensive as you are; that the phase you are about to enter into is as natural as the rising and setting of the sun; that your self-consciousness and embarrassment are indicative of your modesty – a beautiful and appealing trait in the people of our heritage; and that the ultimate expression of love between a man and a woman in a proper environment and under the right circumstance can be a most satisfying element of a relationship.

The difference between you and your counterpart in the secular (more permissive) society is major. You and your partner in life begin to “date” in earnest on your first day as husband and wife, with the newness and excitement of getting to know one another piquing your interest in each other on each successive day. The single who has been ‘hanging out’ with the opposite sex long before even thinking of settling down may be streetwise, but her/his anticipation is short-lived and the thrill of togetherness will leave much to be desired.

If you are interested in obtaining contact information, please get in touch via e-mail. (Since your anonymous letter arrived by postal mail, there is no way to offer you any personal connection data.)

It would be a pity to allow trepidation to detract from your joy during one of life’s most delightful stages. If you truly believe that you have met up with your intended, have faith that the same G-d Who brought the two of you together will guide you further and forever on your path through life.

Hatzlachah in forging a lasting and fulfilling life partnership, and Mazal Tov!

About the Author: We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories via email to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 4915 16th Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11204. If you wish to make a contribution and help agunot, your tax-deductible donation should be sent to The Jewish Press Foundation. Please make sure to specify that it is to help agunot, as the foundation supports many worthwhile causes.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 6/15/07”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
President Obama overlaid against photo of Jonathan Pollard.
The Hidden Reason the United States Won’t Release Pollard.
Latest Sections Stories
Schonfeld-logo1

This core idea of memory is very difficult to fully comprehend; however, it is essential.

Respler-112114

Sometimes the most powerful countermove one can make when a person is screaming is to calmly say that her behavior is not helpful and then continue interacting with the rest of the family while ignoring the enraged person.

LBJ-112114

“Two nations are in your womb, and two peoples shall divide within you.”

Divorce from a vindictive, cruel spouse can be a lifelong nightmare when there are offspring.

There were many French Jews who jumped at the chance to shed their ancient identity and assimilate.

As Rabbi Shemtov stood on the stage and looked out at the attendees, he told them that “Rather than take photos with your cellphones, take a mental photo and keep this Shabbat in your mind and take it with you throughout your life.”

Yeshiva v’Kollel Bais Moshe Chaim will be holding a grand celebration on the occasion of the institution’s 40th anniversary on Sunday evening, December 7. Alumni, students, friends and faculty of the yeshiva, also known as Talmudic University of Florida, will celebrate the achievement and vision of its founders and the spiritual guidance of its educational […]

The yeshiva night accommodates all levels of Jewish education.

Recently, Fort Lauderdale has been the focus of international news, and it has not been about the wonderful weather.

Rabbi Sacks held the position of chief rabbi of the United Hebrew Congregations of the Commonwealth for 22 years until September 2013.

The event included a dvar Torah by student Pesach Bixon, an overview of courses, information about student life and a student panel that answered frequently asked questions from a student perspective.

It is difficult to write about such a holy person, for I fear I will not accurately portray his greatness…

“Grandpa,” I wondered, as the swing began to slow down, “why are there numbers on your arm?”

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/chronicles-of-crises/chronicles-of-crises-in-our-communities-64/2007/06/13/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: