web analytics
April 21, 2014 / 21 Nisan, 5774
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Spa 1.2 Combining Modern Living in Traditional Jerusalem

A unique and prestigious residential project in now being built in Mekor Haim Street in Jerusalem.



Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 6/22/07

By:

Chronicles-logo

Share Button

We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories by e-mail to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 338 Third Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11215.

To all women, men or children who feel that they are at the end of their ropes, please consider joining a support group, or forming one.

Anyone wishing to make a contribution to help agunot, please send your tax deductible contribution to The Jewish Press Foundation.

Checks must be clearly specified to help agunot. Please make sure to include that information if that is the purpose of your contribution, because this is just one of the many worthwhile causes helped by this foundation.

* * * * * * * * * *

Dear Rachel,

Being a young married woman myself, I was taken with “Feeling Hopeless” (Chronicles 5-4) and the situation she finds herself in. She is questioning her “endurance” as she waits for her husband to take the initiative in the bedroom.

I take issue with her husband for not recognizing his wife’s legitimate needs. When a man shows no interest in or desire to be close with his wife, he is in essence belittling her and conveying the message that he does not love her.

Let’s face it: We are human, and many of us are overworked and stressed out – so that often when our spouses reach out to us, we would rather just be left alone. The ramifications of rejection, however, may not be worth the trade-off. Husbands and wives must allocate time to be attentive to their spouses, even if this means summoning all our resources to demonstrate our caring.

The husband of “Feeling Hopeless” is displaying immaturity in his stubbornness not to go the extra mile for his wife, whom he claims to care about. This is not to imply that “intimacy” is about sleeping together 24/7. But to show your love to your spouse about two or three times a year – well, he sure is testing her endurance.

I also beg to differ with their therapist’s prognosis. In our religion there is no such thing as “asexuality” between husband and wife, who are clearly commanded to cleave to one another.

I would advise Mr. Blasé to get his act together if he places any value on a future surrounded by the warmth and love of a family. He is lucky to have a wife who craves his attention, and he is playing a dangerous game.

Young but Wise in the Ways of Love

Dear Young,

Wise you are, and I could not have said it better myself. The same people who have little energy for their spouses seem to have no problem going all out to prove their strength and virility in the work world – leaving their most important relationship undernourished.

Unfortunately, spouses often tend to take one another for granted. The problem of the husband in question however, seems to be of a more complicated kind. Professional therapy, according to the wife, did not garner any positive results.

It would be a mistake for this couple to give up trying to get help. They should seek another perspective – advice from a different channel of counseling, such as from a rabbinical source.

Your valuable input is much appreciated. Hopefully “Feeling Hopeless” and her husband are tuning in.

Dear Rachel,

I think both you and “Put your spouse first, not last” (Chronicles 4-20) are taking a very one-sided, myopic view of the pre-Pesach situation. “Put your spouse” feels that he is on the bottom of his wife’s priority list before Pesach. But where is she on his priority list at that time?

Does he come home after a hard day’s work, eat a good dinner, which she prepared, and then plant himself on a comfortable chair and read the paper or watch TV, while she is busy slaving in the kitchen after an equally hard (if not harder) day? Or is he in the kitchen beside her, helping her so that she can finish her work an hour earlier, less stressed and tired, so that she can be available to him?

If he will be available to her in the kitchen, she will be available to him in the bedroom.

Let’s be fair

Dear Fair,

Though your sentiments echo those already expressed by readers in a previous column (see Chronicles 5-11), I am printing your letter because the message bears repeating – and to highlight the different challenges that couples must strive to overcome.

Your letter addresses the man who felt his wife was attentive to everything and everyone but him, while the first letter deals with the topic introduced by a young woman whose husband is indifferent to her needs (or seems to have difficulty in satisfying them).

While the circumstances do vary from one to the other, they share a common thread. The moral derived from both is applicable to every married pair:

If you take your spouse for granted, you’d be wise to search your soul. For your approach to life is slanted – you’d best re-evaluate your goal. Your husband/wife is number one and you’d do well not to forget it. If you wait till all your chores are done, ’tis you who’ll live to regret it!

Share Button

About the Author: We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories via email to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 4915 16th Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11204. If you wish to make a contribution and help agunot, your tax-deductible donation should be sent to The Jewish Press Foundation. Please make sure to specify that it is to help agunot, as the foundation supports many worthwhile causes.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

No Responses to “Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 6/22/07”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
BDS targets Zabar's; Carole Zabar promotes BDS proponents.
All in the Family: BDS Protests Zabars; Carole Zabar Promotes BDS
Latest Sections Stories
Schonfeld-logo1

Regardless of age, parents play an important role in their children’s lives.

Marriage-Relationship-logo

We peel away one layer after the next, our eyes tear up and it becomes harder and harder to see as we get closer to our innermost insecurities and fears.

Gorsky-041814-Torah

Some Mountain Jews believe they are descendents of the Ten Lost Tribes and were exiled to Azerbaijan and Dagestan by Sancheriv.

Baim-041814-Piggy

Yom Tov is about spending time with your family. And while for some families the big once-in-a-lifetime experience is great, for others something low key is the way to go.

A fascinating glimpse into the rich complexity of medieval Jewish life and its contemporary relevance had intriguingly emerged.

Dear Dr. Yael:

My heart is breaking; my husband’s friend has gotten divorced. While this type of situation is always sad, here I do believe it could have been avoided.

The plan’s goal is to provide supportive housing to 200 individuals with disabilities by the year 2020.

Despite being one of the fastest-growing Jewish communities in the U.S. – the estimated Jewish population is 70-80,000 – Las Vegas has long been overlooked by much of the Torah world.

She was followed by the shadows of the Six Million, by the ever so subtle awareness of their vanished presence.

Pesach is so liberating (if you excuse the expression). It’s the only time I can eat anywhere in the house, guilt free! Matzah in bed!

Now all the pain, fear and struggle were over and they were home. Yuli was safe and free, a hero returned to his land and people.

While it would seem from his question that he is being chuzpadik and dismissive, I wonder if its possible, if just maybe, he is a struggling, confused neshama who actually wants to come back to the fold.

I agree with the letter writer that a shadchan should respectfully and graciously accept a negative response to a shidduch offer.

Alternative assessments are an extremely important part of understanding what students know beyond the scope of tests and quizzes.

    Latest Poll

    Now that Kerry's "Peace Talks" are apparently over, are you...?







    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/chronicles-of-crises/chronicles-of-crises-in-our-communities-65/2007/06/20/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: