web analytics
September 21, 2014 / 26 Elul, 5774
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Apartment 758x530 Africa-Israel at the Israel Real Estate Exhibition in New York

Africa Israel Residences, part of the Africa Israel Investments Group led by international businessman Lev Leviev, will present 7 leading projects on the The Israel Real Estate Exhibition in New York on Sep 14-15, 2014.



Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 11/16/07

By:

Chronicles-logo

We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories by e-mail to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 338 Third Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11215.

To all women, men or children who feel that they are at the end of their ropes, please consider joining a support group, or forming one.

Anyone wishing to make a contribution to help agunot, please send your tax deductible contribution to The Jewish Press Foundation.

Checks must be clearly specified to help agunot. Please make sure to include that information if that is the purpose of your contribution, because this is just one of the many worthwhile causes helped by this foundation.

* * * * * * * * * *

Dear Rachel,

I am actually writing this letter right in front of my husband who chooses to ignore me. My hope is that you will read this and help me get across to him in some way.

We have been married for seven years. When we first met, my husband took great care of himself and was a healthy, energetic and attractive person. As soon as we got married, my husband put on some weight. I know this is very common, but I also know that a mature individual takes his health seriously.

My husband has totally ignored all the signs, the comments, and the bathroom scale. Pants go up a size a year. Suits that I am fond of have somehow never seen the light of day after our first few months of marriage.

I’ve tried every tactic to help control his bad eating habits. Perfectly healthy suppers are spoiled with “just one frank.” One sandwich for lunch somehow becomes two. Instead of breakfast at home, it’s a Danish or two from the bakery. Eating leftovers straight past midnight, guzzling soda all day long, and doubling portions at every opportunity can only lead to trouble. All my nagging, begging, and tactful reasoning have turned me into a monster in his eyes. And what do I have to show for all my hard work? Weight that keeps piling on, only to spite me. Because, in his words, I am trying to control his life.

I know that there are no guarantees in life. We see healthy people who die young and vice versa, but isn’t it a mitzvah to take care of your health? What about the fear of leaving your family fatherless – does that not strike a chord? What of simply feeling good because the extra 20 pounds are finally gone and people are telling you how great you look? Nowadays, pursuing a healthy lifestyle should be a top priority on everyone’s list.

Besides, my husband’s grandfather died young from a heart attack. His father has been battling high cholesterol his whole life and one of his uncles has just had a stroke. What more of a warning does one need? How many ways can I express my fear that one day my family and I might, G-d forbid, face the consequences for his selfish behavior?

How do I deal with the hostility that I face when I beg and plead for change? “Your uncle has just had a stroke…” is returned with, “He’s 40! I have ten more years!” “Please don’t eat those leftovers, it’s way into the night and you’ll get acid reflux,” brings, “I’ll just get more Prevacid, Zantax, whatever…”

And what of the laws of attraction? Who’s to say that only women are required to look good for their husbands? Did I ever dream of marrying an overweight, pill popping, snoring man who gets migraines and acid reflux? These symptoms didn’t exist when we got married!

I’m at the end of my rope. I still dream of looking at the same handsome, young man again, but my husband is now on a campaign to totally ignore me regarding this issue. Is there a way I could say anything to him to make him understand that there are serious repercussions to his lifestyle?

I love him, I adore him, and I want to keep him with me as long as possible. Is there any way of coming across?

Tried and failed

Dear Tried,

Aside from handing him this column to read, the best person to inform your hubby of the cold hard facts is his doctor. Your role is to serve up healthy meals, leave nosh on the supermarket shelves and out of your shopping cart, teach by example, and drag him for his annual checkup. When you do bring up the subject, be subtle and objective rather than critical and accusing. Try “Faye’s husband had a real scare . . . his doctor said he was really lucky and put him on a strict diet.” “I’ve been feeling sluggish lately. I’m thinking of cutting down my meat consumption to once a week.” “It’s perfect outdoors for a walk/bike riding. I can use some company”

The other day I ran into an old friend whom I hadn’t seen in a while. I did a double take. He was about half the size (in girth) from the last time we had met. The customary “How are you?” elicited a “Baruch Hashem, never better”

It turned out that this friend has shed over 60 pounds. Concerned, I asked if anything of a serious nature had precipitated the loss. “Nah,” he replied. “My blood pressure was a little high, and I had a little sugar after 50 years of indifference, it was time to treat myself well. My wife and I decided – you know, it helps to be in it together – that besides for doing the right thing, VeNishmartem Me’od Le’Nafshoteichem [the Torah instructs us to guard our spiritual and physical health], we owe it to our grandchildren to keep ourselves in the best of shape. Of course this means eating right and exercising – which is something I don’t get enough of yet. But I used to have trouble just bending down couldn’t do it, in fact. And now it’s no problem at all.”

With a shy smile he added, “This is more than just my body, it is a housing for my neshamah.”

Not much more to add, I would say. This friend basically wrapped it up quite coherently. The bottom line is that being overweight is a health hazard and that the extra fat poundage is known to be associated with diabetes, hypertension, heart disease, and cancer – not to mention the agony of physical discomfort.

Note to those who are restricting their caloric intake and yet fail to see results: Consult your physician who can determine whether your thyroid is in working order.

What do our readers have to say? We invite your feedback.

About the Author: We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories via email to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 4915 16th Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11204. If you wish to make a contribution and help agunot, your tax-deductible donation should be sent to The Jewish Press Foundation. Please make sure to specify that it is to help agunot, as the foundation supports many worthwhile causes.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 11/16/07”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Dozens of children were traumatized but escaped injury Sunday morning when Arabs in eastern Jerusalem attacked their bus.
‘Benign Neglect’ May Be Setting Up Eastern Jerusalem Jews for Expulsion
Latest Sections Stories

Three sets of three-day Yomim Tovim can seem overwhelming – especially when we are trying to stay healthy.

Plotkin-092614

Is a missed opportunity to do a mitzvah considered a sin?

Teens-Twenties-logo

The sounds and scents of the kitchen are cozy, familiar, but loud in the silence.

Baim-092614-Plate

Everyone has a weakness. For some people it is the inability to walk past a sales rack without dropping a few hundred dollars. For others, it’s the inability to keep their house organized.

His entire life was dedicated to Torah and he became a pivotal figure in the transmittal of the Oral Torah to the next generation.

When you don’t have anyone else to turn to… that’s when you’re tied to Hashem the closest.

While we all go to restaurants for a good meal, it is dessert, that final taste that lingers in your mouth, that is the crown jewel of any dining experience and Six Thirteen’s offerings did not disappoint.

Today, fifty years and six million (!) people later, Israel is truly a different world.

There will always be items that don’t freeze well – salads and some rice- or potato-based dishes – so you need to leave time to prepare or cook them closer to Yom Tov and ensure there is enough room in the refrigerator to store them.

In Uzbekistan, in the early twentieth century, it was the women who wore the pants.

This is an important one in raising a mentsch (and maybe even in marrying off a mentsch! listening skills are on the top of the list when I do shidduch coaching).

While multitasking is not ideal, it is often necessary and unavoidable.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/chronicles-of-crises/chronicles-of-crises-in-our-communities-85/2007/11/14/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: