web analytics
September 19, 2014 / 24 Elul, 5774
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Apartment 758x530 Africa-Israel at the Israel Real Estate Exhibition in New York

Africa Israel Residences, part of the Africa Israel Investments Group led by international businessman Lev Leviev, will present 7 leading projects on the The Israel Real Estate Exhibition in New York on Sep 14-15, 2014.



Pounding Headaches

By:
Chronicles-logo

Dear Rachel,

We are a family that has always gotten along well with others and abhor machlokes of any kind. Yet now we find ourselves in the midst of an increasingly maddening situation, with no solution in sight.

Several years ago we bought into a newly constructed 3-family co-op in a tight-knit frum community. We live in the first floor apartment (we were the first buyers) and the basement is divided (designed) to accommodate storage space for each of us.

Over the years our families have baruch Hashem grown in size. The owners of the uppermost apartment happen to have several rowdy boys, but we understand that’s just the way it is — there were no guarantees when we purchased our home as to the type of people we’d end up sharing it with.

But there are limits. If the litter that gets tossed from the upper floor windows onto our lawn and driveway wouldn’t be enough of an annoyance to put up with, the incessant drum-playing at all hours of the night and many daytime hours are driving us crazy. These boys have turned their family’s share of the basement into their personal drum-practicing chamber right below us!

Don’t bother advising us to speak to the grownups — been there, done that. We didn’t yell or carry on or threaten. We spoke calmly, and respectfully asked that they consider how disturbing and distracting it is to be kept awake late into the night and to be deprived of peaceful and quiet evenings.

Rachel, all of our pleading has fallen on deaf ears. These people have never even made a pretense of caring or sympathizing, nor did they give any indication that they would talk to their kids about curtailing their racket. In fact, they downright defend their boys’ rights to practice their “music” in the space that is rightfully theirs.

The subject of moving has been raised by some family members, but that’s easier said than done. We live in a densely populated area where there is a shortage of housing and were fortunate to buy when we did. The location is ideal for us and suitable to our children’s needs, so you can see that moving elsewhere is for us neither a practical solution nor a realistic option.

This situation is especially hurtful to us since both my husband and I happen to be mild-mannered in nature and have never gotten into any disputes with anyone. Yet here we are, barely greeting one of our closest neighbors.

I have no doubt that others have experienced this headache. We would be interested in hearing how they went about dealing with this problem.

 

Frayed Nerves  

Dear Frayed,

Noisy-neighbor headaches have been a part of society for ages. Nonetheless, the lack of concern and sensitivity on the part of one neighbor to another in a “close-knit” Jewish community is most disturbing. Of course a letter to a column cannot possibly tell the whole story and offers only a snapshot of the goings-on through one lens, making it impossible to see the whole picture.

Some thoughts on the subject, based on your account: The parents of these boys are getting some respite at your expense and are obviously disinclined to give up their downtime. Since they refuse to heed your pleas or acknowledge your misery, why not go straight to the source of the racket and engage the boys themselves (if you haven’t yet done so) in a friendly but earnest discussion?

In a non-confrontational manner, invite them into your kitchen for some homemade cookies. Gradually steer the conversation to their beloved hobby and educate them subtly in the mores of social and acceptable behavior — all the while keeping your tone casual and friendly. These boys are probably so immersed in their activity that they fail to realize how annoying it can come across to others and they might, for the very first time, begin to see things from an outsider’s perspective.

Compromise is often the key to settling disagreements. Perhaps you can reach a compromise on a curfew, for example 10 pm, 3 days a week. Have you ever suggested that they soundproof their basement quarters?

Should attempted negotiations fall flat on all fronts, don’t hesitate to take your grievance to your Rav. He’s heard it all, will rule with halachic authority, and his occupation qualifies him as quintessential peacemaker.

About the Author: We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories via email to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 4915 16th Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11204. If you wish to make a contribution and help agunot, your tax-deductible donation should be sent to The Jewish Press Foundation. Please make sure to specify that it is to help agunot, as the foundation supports many worthwhile causes.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Pounding Headaches”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Sen. Ted Cruz acts senate for unanimous consent to pass the Expatriate Terrorist Act. Sept. 18, 2014.
Ds Reject Voting to Strip Citizenship From US Jihadi ISIS Volunteers
Latest Sections Stories
A-Night-Out-logo

While we all go to restaurants for a good meal, it is dessert, that final taste that lingers in your mouth, that is the crown jewel of any dining experience and Six Thirteen’s offerings did not disappoint.

Today, fifty years and six million (!) people later, Israel is truly a different world.

There will always be items that don’t freeze well – salads and some rice- or potato-based dishes – so you need to leave time to prepare or cook them closer to Yom Tov and ensure there is enough room in the refrigerator to store them.

In Uzbekistan, in the early twentieth century, it was the women who wore the pants.

This is an important one in raising a mentsch (and maybe even in marrying off a mentsch! listening skills are on the top of the list when I do shidduch coaching).

While multitasking is not ideal, it is often necessary and unavoidable.

Maybe now that your kids are back in school, you should start cleaning for Pesach.

The interpreter was expected to be a talmid chacham himself and be able to also offer explanations and clarifications to the students.

“When Frank does something he does it well and you don’t have to worry about dotting the i’s or crossing the t’s.”

“On Sunday I was at the Kotel with the battalion and we said a prayer of thanks. In Gaza there were so many moments of death that I had to thank God that I’m alive. Only then did I realize how frightening it had been there.”

Neglect, indifference or criticism can break a person’s neshama.

It’s fair to say that we all know or have someone in our family who is divorced.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/chronicles-of-crises/pounding-headaches/2013/11/08/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: